


Strings

by Jossasund



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Complicated Relationships, F/F, F/M, Inspired by Music, Loneliness, Love Confessions, Mental Instability, Suicidal Thoughts, Trouble In Paradise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-03-10 04:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 60,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jossasund/pseuds/Jossasund
Summary: Emma Swan is a bartender by day and a beautiful songstress by night. She loves her guitar deeply even if she lives happily together with her two best friends, she has a empty void in her heart.She's been burned badly by her ex, and has sworn to herself that she will never let anyone close again. That is until a mysterious brunette shows up and completely turns her life upside down.Though it turns out to be anything but an easy romance since the brunette Emma falls for is nobody else than Regina mills, who's married to the famous music producer Robin Mills.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is a idea I've been having for awhile, so hopefully you will like it. Slow burn AU, but swanqueen is of course end game. Please leave some love if you read it :)

It was Friday night and Emma had just finished her shift. Finally! Now she was in the back, getting changed before she will enter the stage and sing. It was probably the only perk she got for working as a bartender at this godforsaken place.

Emma still remembered how happy she'd been when her boss Killian, had offered her the opportunity to sing there on Friday and Saturday nights after he had overhead her having a conversation with Ruby.

The only catch had been that she'd had to do it free of charge, but the last thing Emma cared about was the money. Well at least when it came to her love for music. Emma would sell her soul to the devil if she needed, just to be able to keep playing her guitar. And being on stage was like living her dream. It also was the the only time she actually felt alive.

Emma had always dreamed and would probably always dream of the day when she would be able to work as a professional musician. But she was fairly certain it would never happen. And that broke her heart.

Emma worked a job as a bartender and she despised the work in general, mostly because she wasn't cut out to be a bartender.

Not to mention how incredibly tired she was of all the drunk ass men who frequented the bar. They were always hitting on her, trying to touch her and spilling out disgusting comments toward her. They were simply being obnoxious assholes, but what did she expect? It was a bikers club after all.

It wasn't like Emma hadn't tried to get another job, but it seemed as impossible as so much else seemed to be for her. So, it wasn't like she'd had that much of a choice either. Her grades from school weren’t that great either, which didn't make things any easier...

“You ready Ems?“ Ruby asked suddenly with a gentle smile, and that made the blonde snap back to reality.

“Yeah I think so,” Emma chuckled as she let her finger trail over the strings of her guitar.

Emma took a deep breath before she walked up on the stage. She felt how her heart almost started to beat for the first time that week. She wasn't only existing right now. She was  _ living. _

The blonde sat down on her chair and gestured for Ruby to turn on the spotlight. The redhead nodded in response and as soon as the light touched Emma's skin, the crowd started to cheer.

_ This one's for you daddy. As always _ Emma thought to herself as she started to play.

****

Ruby was her roommate, along with Ruby’s girlfriend Belle. The three of them rented a house just a few miles out of town. It wasn't anything big or fancy but they had fallen in love with it as soon as they had seen it. It had just been… perfect!

Ruby and Belle had been Emma's best friends for years, so living together like they did, felt natural. The two of them had also been a couple for as long as Emma could remember. They were the complete opposite of each other, but in some way they just  _ clicked _ . Emma was happy for them, she really was.

But she was also a bit jealous. Why? Well, Emma also wanted someone to call her own, but love had never worked out for her. And she had started to think it never would, which had made her give up on finding someone.

That meant it was just Emma and her guitar against the world. And she was determined they would conquer it,  _ one string at a time. _

******

Ruby was also a bartender at the Biker club, but she didn't have the kind of problems Emma had. Oh no. She had the mouth of a furious tiger and the strength of a bear, so nobody dared to even look at her funny. Emma wished she was more like that, but she wasn't. She was more like Belle, Ruby's girlfriend.

Belle worked as a waitress at one of the town's best restaurants and she didn't have to serve slobs like this, and made so much more money as well. She probably made more tips than Emma and Ruby earned each month.

Which meant that, where Belle worked though, Emma and Ruby didn't even have enough money to buy one small appetizer.

Despite that though, Belle wasn't some kind of a snob. She was the type of person who never flaunted her money, had a big heart and was a true friend, who always made sure she saw Emma perform.

*******

Emma let her fingers brush against the guitar once more and closed her eyes for a second, picturing her dad, David, in front of her. This particular guitar had been his favorite one and Emma remembered how much she'd wanted to play on it as a kid, but never got the chance.

Emma's father had died in a tragic car accident when Emma had been just 10 years old, and her mother had done the best she could to give Emma a good childhood, even if the money had been almost non existent after David's death.

Emma's father had been a professional musician and this Fender in particular, that Emma had kept in memory of him, had always been his favorite one, even if he had owned more guitars than Emma could even remember.

Unfortunately, her mother Mary had been forced to sell them, one by one, just to be able to pay the mortgage on the house, to prevent she and her daughter from ending up on the streets.

Emma had never cared that much about money, but boy had she been happy when her mother kept that Fender for her. It had been much to Emma's surprise though, since it was the one Mary had been offered the most money for.

But Emma's mother knew how much her daughter loved that guitar and it had simply been too precious to the both of them to lose.

Emma's mother wanted to keep the memory of David alive, and loved the fact that her daughter was a musician. Mary truly treasured the memories of when David had taught Emma to play the guitar, with the small girl in his lap.

So Mary and Emma's uncle James always made sure they came to see her perform. It had been a tradition for years. And Mary would never miss one of Emma's performances, and the blonde remembered all those times when her mother showed up with both a fever and headaches.

*****

“Oh darling you were amazing tonight,” Mary grinned as she hugged her daughter.

“Mom, you know you say that every time, right?” Emma chuckled and opened the beer Ruby brought her.

“I think what your mother meant to say was that you just keep getting better and better Ems,” Belle winked.

“Your father would have been so proud,” James added and Emma almost jumped up in his arms, like she had always done as a kid. The man just laughed and ruffled her hair.

“You think so?” 

“I know so,” James smiled. “So what do you say girls, how about we celebrate yet another successful show, huh?”

*****

Emma's uncle James always bought them food after they had seen Emma sing and made sure they got home safe to their house.

Unfortunately both her uncle and mother lived a couple of hours away so Emma didn't see them as much as she wished she could, and she was so grateful that they came to see her at least once a week. It had been something they had done for years now.

Belle's parents lived in the city and they visited sometimes, but often, Belle visited them. They were a bit too snobby to be out in the country and preferred their penthouse in the city. They adored Ruby though and always bugged them about when they were gonna get married, even if the girls weren't any older than 23.

Ruby didn't have any relatives at all. She had been raised by her grandmother, who had tragically passed away from cancer for a couple of years ago. It was still a rough spot for the redhead as she refused to talk about it.

******

This time Emma had made sure she'd had a few days off of work after this show, so she had gone home with her mother and uncle after dropping Ruby and Belle off at their house.

Emma loved being at her mother's place since the whole house was a reminder of her dear old father. But it was also painful in a way because she missed him so much.

The house had been renovated throughout the years, but David's music room was kept untouched. The walls were still filled with pictures of all his performances, pictures of them all together and some of just Emma and him. She had absolutely adored her father and he had been the one who had encouraged her to start playing the guitar. Emma just wished he could have heard her now.

“Emma dear, where are..” Mary stopped mid sentence when she saw her daughter sitting in David's music room. She was listening on some of his records and met her mother's eyes. 

The older woman walked up to her daughter and sat down on the couch next to her. Emma laid her head on her mother's shoulder and she swung her arm around her.

“I miss him too Emma,” she said carefully.

“I just wish he was still here you know?” the blonde stuttered, almost sounding like she had as a kid, that night she and her mother had gotten the call about David's horrendous accident.

It still sent shivers down Emma's spine even if she had been only a kid, thinking about that night. She would never forget losing him… her hero...

David had been on his way back home from one of his usual gigs, but he hadn't a chance to see the black ice on the road before it was too late. He had skidded off the side of the road and crashed into a truck.

The ambulance personnel had told them he had probably died immediately, and they had guessed it was a small comfort.

Mary's grip around her daughter tightened and she reached for her phone, then pressed play. She still had the voice message left that David had left that night.

“ _ Hi darling, it's just me. I  wanted to tell you that I just finished the gig. Hope you're asleep as well as Emma, even if she probably isn't. _

_ She would have loved being with me tonight, seeing all different kinds of artists and all the guitars. She would have been in heaven. Anyway. Just called to say I'm gonna be heading home soon. I love you. See you guys in a couple of hours. Rock on.” _

“Rock on,” Emma repeated and snuggled closer to her mother. David had never came home that night and they missed him so terribly. And even if neither of them said it out loud, they both still waited for him to pull up in the driveway..

Another shiver shot down Emma's spine as she remembered that'd it had been planned from the beginning, that Mary should have gone with David that night. The plans had changed though, when the babysitter canceled at the last minute, which meant Mary had to stay home. That was something Emma was thankful for today. And after the accident, Emma and her mother had only grown closer to each other.

******

By lunch uncle James had pulled up his big car in the driveway. 

“Uncle!” Emma said with a smile, as the back doors to the car flew open and James’s two kids, Elsa and Philip, practically jumped out and ran up to her.

“Emma!” they both squealed and attacked her with hugs, making the blonde fall backwards. She just laughed as she kissed her niece and nephew as they both continued to hug her.

“Hi you little rascals,” she grinned when she finally sat up again with both kids at her sides. They loved her and she loved them. 

“Kids behave,” James wife Anna sighed and gave Emma a hug. 

“Yeah you know what happens if you accidentally break that old guitar of hers,” James chuckled. Emma shrugged as he grabbed the guitar and brought it with him inside.

“James, Anna. Welcome,” Mary smiled and hugged them both when they came inside the kitchen. “Aren't the kids with you?” she added a bit confused and looked around.

“They are out in the back with Emma. Where else would they be?” James chuckled as he put down the guitar on the couch nearest to the kitchen.

“They have been talking non stop about her since we told them she was here visiting.” 

“Oh yeah, what was I thinking,” Mary laughed and put on the coffee maker.

“It's good to have her home huh?“ James asked as he started to pour the coffee. Mary offered him a crooked smile. 

“Oh, I wish I could have her around all the time,” Mary chuckled, but they quickly changed the subject. It wasn't know by more than the three in the room, that Mary had been pregnant when David had died and the stress and heartbreak had made her have a miscarriage.

******

“10!” Emma shouted. “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” a smirk began to form on her lips as she found the giggling siblings behind a tree. She attacked them with a hug and they all fell down on the ground.

“You're the best,” Philip said with a smile. Emma ruffled his hair and was amazed by how much of herself she saw in her nephew’s eyes. She knew she had been as social and crazy as him as a kid. Elsa was a little more withdrawn and Emma was certain this was how Belle had been as a kid.

Emma loved kids and always had. She was sad that she never had gotten a little brother or sister, but was happy her uncle had two kids. She adored them as much as they adored her. And she spoiled them rotten.

“They do really love Emma,” James chuckled as his wife nodded in agreement. Mary chose to not answer, she only looked out the window again, because she was so sad in a way. Mostly because Emma lived a lonely life, even if she she did have her friends.

*****

“Urgh, when is Emma supposed to come home?” Ruby mumbled and received a glare from her girlfriend. 

“Am I  _ that _ boring to hang out with hmm?” Belle teased and Ruby met her eyes. 

“I didn't mean it like that!” Ruby huffed. 

“I know baby, I'm just teasing you,” Belle grinned and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“The house is just so quiet without her you know? And I don't have anyone to play guitar hero with either!” 

“Rubes, you always lose when you play against her. And then you get grumpy. So now you tell me you're grumpy because you don't have her to play against?” Belle frowned. 

“Precisely!”

“You're weird.” Belle chuckled. “I'll go fix us some food, okay? Maybe that will cheer you up.”

*********

As the day turned into evening, Emma waved goodbye to her uncle and his family as they pulled out from the driveway. Her mother disappeared into the kitchen to start with dinner while Emma went upstairs to her old room.

As she opened the door, it almost felt like she opened the door to her past. She saw the pictures she had on her walls and suddenly she saw a picture of Lily. It was like her heart stopped for a second, and Emma sat down on her bed, feeling the anxiety crawl under her skin.

Lily had been  _ the _ one, her soul mate or, well, at least that was what Emma had thought. She opened the photo album that laid on her nightstand and flipped through it. It felt like she was being stung by thousands of knives at once, because most of the pictures were of her and Lily.

Lily had played her. Used her. And left Emma in a million pieces and it had taken her years to recover from. But she would never trust anyone again like that.  _ Never. _

“Fuck you,” Emma mumbled as she closed the photo album and laid down on her old bed. She felt how the tears stung in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall down. She had cried too many tears for Lily, and she didn't deserve them. She didn't even deserve to be in Emma's thoughts.

With a groan Emma reached for her guitar and as she started to play one of her songs, she disappeared into her own little bubble, where she was safe.

Mary stood just outside the door and listened to her daughter and it brought tears to her eyes. It wasn't often this old house felt like a home, because it was so quiet these days, but when Emma was visiting, it came to life.

_ One string at the time.  _


	2. Chapter 2

Regina was laying in bed, just staring up at the ceiling. Her depression was kicking her ass at the moment so she didn't have any energy to even  _ try _ to function.

Her husband Robin Mills was a famous record producer and was often away with his work. And he had always been understanding about her mood swings so he never pushed, never yelled at her to at least try.

It was something Regina was thankful for, but at the same time, she wished he would at least make some effort to get her out of bed. And not keep his distance when she needed him the most.

Henry, their ten year old son, was more understanding though. He at least got her to eat something and he always watched movies with her in bed when she was feeling down.

He was the only thing that made Regina actually push on, to take her medications and go to her therapist. Without Henry, Regina didn't know if she would even be alive. It was sad, but true. And it was also something Robin knew, but never something they talked about.

Regina Mills had always had a rough life. Her mother had gotten pregnant with her when she was only a teenager and her father had run off. Cora had tried her best to provide for Regina but in the end, she gave her up for adoption when Regina had been almost three years old.

After that day Regina had never thought about her mother again, and she only remembered how she looked because of a old and worn out picture she had left of the woman. It was the only memory Regina had.

*******

That meant that throughout her life, Regina had bounced around in more foster homes than she thought was even possible, or at least should have been. She'd been treated like nothing but garbage since every single one of her foster parents had returned her, saying she was too difficult.

So Regina had never felt either wanted or safe, and had run away when she'd been a teenager and ended up homeless on the streets. To survive, Regina had turned to drugs.

And suddenly something had just…

Clicked.

Regina could finally breathe for the first time in her life, and it felt like she could bare to live, despite the demons in her head. The drugs became her life line and her self-medication.

Everything would have been so much better if someone, just anyone, had thought about finding out  _ why _ Regina had such mood swings, instead of just seeing her as “difficult”.

But nobody did. Regina simply had to live with her regular periods of depression, where she didn't want anything but to die, mixed with manic episodes where she was on top of the world, feeling almost invincible.

*****

The first time Regina had tried to commit suicide, she'd been 18. She had almost succeeded, but had been found at the last minute and sent away to a psychiatric clinic. While Regina had been there she had been forced to undergo all kinds of tests and she had to go to numerous therapy sessions, and Regina had absolutely hated it.

But the doctor refused to give up on her, even if Regina had begged to be released, as she wasn't used to someone actually trying to help her.

After spending almost 6 months there, it finally turned out she suffered from a type of bipolarity, type 2. Suddenly Regina got a whole other understanding of who she  _ was _ and how she functioned.

Unfortunately her life continued to spiral downwards when Regina was released because the drugs had been too tempting and it was hard to live on the streets, being sober.

As the years passed, Regina was committed three more times because of her numerous suicide attempts. Sadly every time she got released, Regina stopped caring and went back to her old habits.  But why shouldn't she? Regina didn't have  _ anybody,  _ expect the drugs. She was all alone in the world.

And that was Regina's life, but when she'd met Robin that cold night at a bar, everything had changed.

Regina hardly remembered that night though, since she'd been both too high and too drunk to even so much as talk. She was almost unconscious as well, sitting in that booth, and the men around her were just taking advantage of her weakened state.

And it wasn't like the men were discrete, as they sexully assaulted Regina, so people saw them, but nobody stopped it. It hadn't been until Robin came there to just buy a beer, that someone actually reacted to the gruesomeness that was surrounding them.

He had dropped his beer glass to the floor, and he became absolutely furious over seeing what he saw and he had practically dragged her from the claws of those guys and brought her home with him. Regina had just gone with him, too tired to care who took her and where.

******

They had fallen in love immediately, or at least that was what Regina thought. But then again, what did she actually know about love? Nobody had ever loved her before.

People had only used her until Robin had showed up in her life. So she had probably fallen more in love with the thought of being…  _ Wanted? _

But Regina stayed with Robin and they got married a year later when Regina had become pregnant with Henry.

Their life together had been nothing but difficult, but Robin refused to give up, and it had amazed Regina. Nobody had ever fought for her before.

Together they were strong and pulled through, and Regina knew she owed her life to Robin. For the very first time in her life she had someone to rely on, that never gave up and even if it took time, Regina learned to trust Robin. He was her savior.

But now, 11 years later,  Regina felt bored with her life, and the urge for drugs, just the kick, had started to haunt her again. And with that she had become paranoid, and the demons in her head told her Robin was having an affair with their nanny Zelena, and it didn't matter that some part of her told her it wasn't true.

Regina hated herself for thinking like that, even if she couldn't stop her brain from doing so. Robin had given Regina everything she had ever dreamt about. A home, a family and love.

And even if Regina probably loved Robin more as a best friend than a husband, the thought of him cheating with the nanny made her angry.

But she kept quiet about her paranoia, and Regina just let it be as it was, because without Robin, she didn't have anything. And deep down, Regina knew that without Robin, she would probably end up on the streets again.

Everything was just a mess, but Regina guessed she should be used to it by now since her life had always been a rollercoaster. And Regina only had her friend Kathryn to talk to, but she didn't see her as much because she lived an hour away. Despite having kathryn, Robin, and Henry, Regina didn't really want anyone to actually know what went on inside her brain.

********

When Regina had her manic periods she was the best mother in the world and she herself  absolutely  _ loved _ the feeling when she had  _ that _ kind of energy in her body.

She always cleaned the house, at least twice a day, worked in their garden and went away with Henry on small trips and was, in the eyes of others, the best wife there was.

But when her down periods hit her, it was like someone pulled the ground from beneath Regina's feet and she fell down, without being able to get back up again. And when it came to Regina's energy level, it was non existent, which meant she just spent her days in bed. She almost didn't even eat and even though she loved the space Robin gave her, she hated it at the same time.

Regina was so happy she had Henry when she had those periods, her beautiful and caring son, because he always looked after her, despite his young  age, and even made sure she ate. It was almost like he wanted to take the responsibility for his mother since Robin wasn't only distant, but also because he was away working for long periods at a time.

And while Henry took care of his mother in a way, the nanny Zelena took care of him and made sure Henry went to school and did his homework. Regina was thankful for that, but felt useless though, because that was something  _ she _ was supposed take care of, not the nanny.

And her son shouldn't be forced to feel responsible to care for his mother either. He was only a kid, and he should just be busy with, well, being the teen year old boy he was…

*****

“Hi mom,” the little boy said with a small grin as he entered his parents bedroom with a plate of sandwiches and a big cup of coffee. 

“Hi dear,” Regina replied with a crooked smile as she forced herself to sit up in the bed, even if she was oh so tired.

“I thought you might be hungry so I made some lunch,” Henry shrugged before he sat down on the bed and gave his mother a quick hug. As they pulled apart, Regina reached for the coffee but as she did so she realised she was showing her son her scarred wrists.

She hadn't put on her usual long sleeved shirt, and she absolutely hated to show her arms. They were covered in old needle marks and self harm scars and was a constant reminder of how sick she actually was.

It made her feel terrible, so she decided to put down the coffee cup and quickly cover herself with her blanket. Henry tugged on his lower lip, as he reached for his mother's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“You don't have to hide from me mom, it's okay, I promise.”

******

“Mom?” Henry asked when the movie ended. 

“Yes dear?” Regina replied and met her son's beautiful eyes. 

“Are you always gonna be like this? I mean, sick?” The question almost made Regina cry. She had talked about her illness with him so many times, and even if he was smarter than most kids his age, he was still only a kid.

“Yes dear. I'm sorry,” Regina sighed and pulled away. She felt the anxiety rise and she reached for one of her pills and swallowed it down with some water. 

“It's okay Mom. I just wish you weren’t sick is all,” Henry shrugged and Regina turned around and stroked his cheek. 

“I know dear, as do I. But we'll get through it, yes? Like we always do?” 

“Yeah,” Henry grinned and pulled his mother into a tight hug, but his smile quickly faded even if Regina didn't see him. She just knew as he cuddled closer. “I don't want you and daddy to go away for the weekend,” he added with a pout.

Regina met his eyes and ruffled his hair, making him let out a chuckle.

“I know dear but it's only a couple of days and then your father is off work for almost a month, and that's good, yes?“

“Yeah, he promised he would teach me to edit some songs on his computer while he's home. And that's gonna be awesome,” Henry said with a proud smile and Regina nodded. He loved his father and would probably work for him when he grew older.

******

Regina blinked her eyes open and frowned. She didn't even remember falling asleep, but smiled as she noticed Henry had taken the tray with him and made the bed where'd he laid earlier.

“Hello darling, are you awake?“ a voice asked carefully from the doorway and Regina turned around to meet the eyes of the man who had saved her. 

“Hi Robin, yes I just woke up,” she smiled and flicked on the lamp on her nightstand.

“Can I come in, dear? I've got your medicine for the evening here and oh yes, Kathryn called earlier but I told her you would call her back once you were awake,” Robin said and Regina nodded at him, as he stepped inside the room. He sat down on the bed and placed a timid kiss on his wife's lips, before he offered her a glass of water and her medicine.

Regina swallowed the pills and put down the glass on her nightstand, before she felt Robin's arms pull her into a safe and comfortable hug. She laid her head against his shoulder and relaxed in his arms, like she'd always done.

“Are you sure you have the energy to go away with me this weekend?” he asked, then added, “You know I won't be sad if you aren’t feeling up to accompanying me. I will never force you to do anything Regina.”

The brunette tugged on her lower lip before she gave him an answer. To be honest, Regina would love to stay home, and just sleep through the weekend, but she didn't tell him that. She had not gone with him for a business trip for almost a year now, and even if he told her he wouldn’t get upset if she stayed behind, Regina knew he actually did indeed get sad.

And she also knew it was good publicity to have her with him, since the paparazzi and news reporters had started to wonder how the marriage of the famous music producer Mills was going. And it didn't matter to those people if he told them the marriage was a happy one, because if they saw him without Regina all the time, they started to speculate. 

“I promised you I would go with you on this trip, and I'm keen on keeping my promise,” Regina finally managed to say, because this was actually one of the kinds of trips she loved to accompany her husband on,where they met undiscovered talents and not some obnoxious stars with a terrible attitude.

“Splendid dear,” Robin said as he stood to his feet and their eyes met. He had the kindest eyes there were and Regina returned his smile with one of her own. “The limousine is going to be here in two hours so you have plenty of time to take a shower, pack and call Kathryn before we go.“

****

After showering and packing, and of course calling Kathryn just to tell her friend she was alive at least, Regina climbed into the back seat of the small Bentley limousine. Robin climbed in after her and their eyes met before he closed the door.

“I'll ask you once more dear, are you sure you want to come with me?“ he asked anxiously and Regina felt her heart break. She knew he only meant well, but sometimes she just wished Robin would push her to go out of her comfort zone, because she hadn't left the house for weeks now and the light almost hurt her eyes.

“I'm okay dear, so,...let's go, shall we?“ Regina said with a crooked smile, as she tried to collect herself. Robin nodded, closed the door, and signaled to the driver they were ready to go.

As Robin went into work mode and started to go over something on his computer, Regina closed her eyes, and cursed how tired she'd been lately. She just wanted to at least be okay, but knew that soon enough her manic period would kick in and she would have more energy again.

****

When they finally arrived at their hotel, Regina was relieved. They always stayed at the same hotel and Robin always made sure they had the same suite.

“How about going out to that restaurant I've been talking about, dear?“ Robin asked with a smile and Regina just wanted to sleep, but she decided to push herself. Not so much for own sake, but for Robin's for once. He had done so much for her, and still did, that she could at least accompany him out to a restaurant, so she nodded at him.

Regina picked out a golden dress that showed off her curves perfectly and Robin smiled at her as he took her hand. He pulled her into a kiss and the woman couldn't help but feel like a teenager when he did it.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, my dear Regina. But then again, you always do. Even when you are in your pyjamas,” he said with a chuckle as they headed for the elevator.

_ You can do this, you can do this  _ Regina told herself over and over again, as she felt the anxiety wash over her. She saw how happy and proud Robin was having her with him though, and she told herself to be strong.

For her savior’s sake. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was a busy night at the restaurant but Belle didn’t let the stress of it show. She had worked at the restaurant much longer than the other waitresses so she was calm and put together as she walked up to her first table of the night.

She knew countless numbers of waitresses that had broken down because of the high tempo, but not her. Belle had grown up in an environment like this, since her father had owned a bunch of restaurants.

“Welcome to The Diamond, I'm Annabelle and I'll be your waitress tonight.” She smiled at the man and women who met her with a gentle smile. “Do you want to hear tonight's specials?”

“No, thank you. My wife is quite picky with her food so it's better if she can go through the menu in peace and quiet by herself,” the man chuckled and received a glare from the woman next to him.

“Of course Mr..?”

“Just call me Robin and this is my wife Regina. I've never been much for titles and such.”

“Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you, Robin,” Belle replied and gave them a menu each, then added, “Can I take your drink orders in the meanwhile?”

“Of course Annabelle, I'll take a glass of your house wine,” Robin said as he glanced over to his wife, “And what do you want dear?”

“I would love a glass of wine as well but unfortunately, I can't mix alcohol with these new medications I have…” Regina sighed, but quickly straightened her back, so as to show herself strong. “So I'll just take a mineral water, please.”

“Of course, coming right up!” Belle smiled and was just about to walk over to her next table, but stopped before she'd even moved. She couldn't shake the feeling that she recognised this man, but couldn't understand why Robin seemed so familiar. It would drive her crazy if she didn't get the answer as to why.

Had it been anybody else, she wouldn’t have even thought about asking Robin who he was, because it wasn't polite in such a environment, but he seemed so friendly that Belle was sure he wouldn't take offense. So she cleared her throat and turned around to meet the man's eyes once again.

“I hope I don't make you feel uncomfortable now or make you upset, but I recognize you Robin, and maybe I just got you mixed up with someone else,” Belle shrugged and suddenly felt bad for actually asking.

She had probably gotten him mixed up because she was terrible with faces and names, especially names. It had drove both Ruby and Emma crazy many times.

“Oh, don't worry Annabelle, and it's not like I'm not used to getting recognized,” he chuckled, then added, “I'm Robin Mills, and I work in the music business.”

“Oh wow! It's an honor to meet you! God, I've heard so much about you!” Belle trailed off before she felt the eyes of her boss watching her.

Belle knew she was not supposed to make small talk like this with the customers. The waitresses were just supposed to be nice, but nothing more than that.

So Belle was just about to put down her notepad and leave, when Robin saw what Belle had spotted. He gave her a wink as he started to go through the menu so it would look like she was taking their orders. She chuckled at him and relaxed when her boss disappeared into the kitchen.

“Thanks, my boss is well, quite strict with the staff who work here,” she said with a careful shrug.

“I can understand that much but I guess that's how it is when you have one of the best restaurants in town, right? Or aren't the rumors true?“ Robin said with a chuckle.

“You're too kind,” Belle said, almost blushing, before she continued. “But you don't live around here, right? So are you here for business? Oh God. I'm sorry for all my questions but one of my best friends is a singer/songwriter and she is a diamond in the rough so to speak! She has this, I think it's an old Fender, from her father, but unfortunately she hasn't been discovered so she only plays at the bar she works at. Believe me when I say this, but she's too good for that!”

Belle saw how the mention of the guitar made Robin quite impressed and she gave herself a pat on the back for it.  _ Emma would be so proud of me right now. _

“Well, I'm actually here for a couple of days, so please, take my card and tell her to give me a call, please,” Robin said and Belle nodded and put his card in her pocket. 

“Thank you so much. Now I will leave you to it and actually get your drinks, Robin,” Belle smiled and left the table.

“She seemed nice,” Regina said out of the blue and her husband nodded at her. 

“Maybe you should take her out for some shopping while I'm working? It would be good for you,” Robin said and Regina shrugged. She didn't have any friends except for Kathryn, but she had to admit that this girl seemed so sweet. And simple. But then again, Regina didn't easily trust anyone.

*****

The dinner was a success and when Belle had told her boss who she was actually serving that night, she had quickly gotten stripped from all other tables and responsibilities, so she could really make the famous music producer Robin Mills happy. He was huge around here and Belle hadn't complained. She really liked the Mills couple! 

But there was something with Regina that Belle couldn't stop thinking about. She remembered when they ordered their drinks, that Regina had said she couldn't drink alcohol because of her medication.

Why did she need medication? But Belle hadn't dared to ask. That was just  _ too  _ personal! Even for her…

“So Annabelle, I have a little suggestion for you,” Robin said as he sipped the last of his wine, and made the waitress snap out of her thinking.

“Oh?” Belle frowned and suddenly felt nervous.

“Well, since I'm going to be busy with work these couple of days that we’re here, I would be so happy if Regina didn't have to spend all her time alone and cooped up in our hotel room,“ he said and Belle quirked an eyebrow, before he continued,

“so maybe you could show her the town? And if you go out shopping, I would of course pay for your part, as a well, thank you.“

Belle almost lost her balance. She had met many businessmen throughout the years but none had been this sincere and friendly like Robin. She was totally blown away.

“Well I'm off tomorrow. How does that sound?” Belle suddenly heard herself say. 

“Wonderful!” Robin smiled. “Work out the details dear, I just have to go over to the kitchen and tell them how pleased we were with the food and the wonderful service we've had, okay?”

“Yes dear,” Regina said and before Robin left them, he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

******

Regina always relaxed when Robin was with her in these kind of environments, but as soon as he left her alone with the waitress, she started to have troubling breathing.

Belle noticed it immediately since Ruby had her periods of anxiety, so she reached for Regina's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Kind eyes met nervous ones.

“Are you alright Regina?” she asked carefully.

“Yes. I.. I'm. Well.. Not really. I'm not good with these kind of situations…” She shrugged. “At least not by myself…. “

“Oh don't feel bad Regina. My girlfriend has anxiety problems so I'm here for you. Just listen to my voice and breathe with me.”

Regina calmed down within seconds and offered Belle a smile. 

“I usually don't get out much, mostly because of my mental illness,” Regina said and she was surprised she had even mentioned it. Usually she avoided the subject, even with Kathryn most of the times, but not now for some reason. There just was something about Annabelle's presence that made Regina relax.

“It's more common than you think, so don't feel ashamed,” Belle shrugged. “But if you don't feel good in these kind of environments, what do you say to just coming over to my place tomorrow for some tea?”

Regina nodded eagerly and laughed at her childlike reply. 

“I would love to,” she said. 

“Awesome. My roommates are away so we will have the whole house to ourselves. So it's gonna be calm and nice, trust me.”

*******

The next day when Regina woke up, she felt like she couldn't breathe as the anxiety crawled under her skin. Robin woke up minutes later due to her shaking. The man knew his wife was too worked up for her anxiety medication, so he laid behind her and pulled her close to him.

“Breathe with me, Regina. In and out. Just listen to my voice. In and out,” Robin gently whispered and after a few minutes he felt Regina relax in his arms. His grip around her loosened as she turned around and met his kind eyes.

They had been together for 11 years now. They were more friends than husband and wife, but they kept living as they always had. And Regina, well, she had never and would probably never, dare to mention anything about divorce. Mostly because she was too scared to let go of the only safety net she ever had in her whole life.

Robin was so kind to her and he always stood by her, but in some way Regina needed something else, or did she actually just, need  _ someone _ else? The brunette scolded herself for her stupid thoughts, as she shook her head and sat up, opening her medicine box to take her morning pills.

Regina had lost count of how many pills she took each and every day, as she wondered if she really even needed them  _ all _ . But she took them without a fight anymore, as she felt Robin's eyes studying her closely, counting the amount of pills she took.

He had found her a couple of times when she'd almost overdosed, so Robin didn't trust her to take them herself. He always watched her closely and when he wasn't home, the nanny made sure Regina didn't take more than she should.

It made Regina feel so worthless though. She couldn't take care of her son properly, she couldn't hold a job, couldn't function in everyday life and she couldn't even take her own medication without failing.

“It's okay Regina, I'm right here,” Robin said and cupped her face in his hands. Her whole world stopped spinning, even if it was just for a few seconds. She knew she could never leave Robin. If she did, she knew her demons would finally win.

She pulled away and excused herself, mumbling something about needing a shower. Robin simply nodded and watched how she disappeared into the bathroom. Regina turned on the shower but didn't climb into the bathtub, instead she sunk down on the floor and broke down in tears.

Why couldn't she just be happy?

*****

“I want to go home Robin.. “ Regina said as her voice broke through the bathroom door. She knew she shouldn't have gone with him to begin with, but she had just wanted to make him happy. Even if she knew she didn't have it in her to push herself more.

“Of course dear, I'll have the limousine get ready to drive us home,” Robin said with a gentle smile, and even if she was happy about his calm reaction, she wished he could show some kind of other emotion. She knew he was hurt, sad and probably a bit angry, even if he never showed it.

Two hours later Regina was home and Henry ran up to hug her. Just seeing him, made the brunette feel better immediately. Zelena, the nanny, took her luggage as the small kid took his mother's hand and led them into the house.

“You did your best mom. I'm so proud of you for trying,” Henry said as their eyes met. He looked and sounded so wise, even if he was only 10, and Regina couldn't believe she had given birth to such a smart and delicate soul. 

She just wished she wasn't such a fuck up herself.

“Mom you have nothing to worry about,” Henry said while looking in to her eyes. “You push yourself each day to do something, and that’s what matters. It will get easier, I promise,” Henry said with such a bright smile that Regina couldn’t help but return it to her little man.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've been having such a bad case of writers block!
> 
> Song used in this chapter:
> 
> If I told you - Darius Rucker

“Morning baby. Are you okay with me going away for the day?“ Ruby asked as she woke Belle up with a kiss to her lips. The brunette chuckled and rubbed her eyes open, as she gave her girlfriend a nod.

“Of course baby, and if you want to stay the night there, it's okay. I'm busy anyway and you haven't been home to Emma's mom for so long.“

“Wait a minute. I thought you were off work today?“ Ruby frowned.

“Well I am, but I'm supposed to have a friend over for lunch, nothing else,” Belle replied with a shrug. She didn't want to say exactly _who_ this friend was, since she wanted to show both Robin and Regina some respect and well needed privacy. That if Regina did actually showed up that was. She hadn't heard anything from the Mills yet..

“Okay, well, I'll go downstairs and make some coffee for us before I go,” Ruby said as she grabbed Belle’s hand and pulled her into a deep kiss.

******

Finally, after what felt like forever, her car decided to start, which made Ruby let out a big sigh of relief. She knew the car needed to be looked over badly, but she didn't have the money for it so she prayed to God it would at least survive the trip to Emma's mom’s house.

Hopefully James could take a look at it since he owned his own auto repair shop, and Ruby well, she didn't want just anyone to touch her beloved car, because this had been her grandmother’s.

So in other words, this wasn't ‘just any car’. It was so much more to Ruby. It held so many memories that she treasured deeply and in some weird way, it even still smelled like her old grandmother’s perfume once had.

The redhead let her fingers brush against the old mascot that hung in the back rear mirror. It was a wolf her grandmother had given her before she had gotten too sick to even function.

“Well, let's go for another trip then Granny, and make sure the bug won't break down, okay?” Ruby said to herself as she put the car in gear and waved goodbye to Belle who stood in the doorway, just wearing her nightgown.

Ruby couldn't help but wonder who this _friend_ that Belle was expecting over was, but she didn't want to snoop. And besides that, Ruby trusted Belle, so she wasn't worried. Just curious.

As always. Ruby was always curious.

****

A grin spread on Ruby's lips as she pulled up the length of the driveway, when she spotted Emma and Mary sitting out on the porch. But the happiness quickly turned into sadness as Ruby felt how much she missed having her own family, something she'd never really had…

The redhead hadn't told much about her own upbringing to either Belle or Emma. She just hardly wanted to think about it.

Ruby had actually spent most of her childhood at an orphanage, and her own grandmother hadn't even known about her existence until Ruby had been 9 years old.

As soon as she'd found out about Ruby though, she had adopted her at once, mumbling how her only grandchild shouldn't grow up in a godforsaken place like that because her daughter was an idiot.

Ruby's mother Anita hadn't had a good relationship with her mother Eugenia, because she had chosen the drugs over her own family, so they had drifted apart.

As it turned out though, the only one who had been hurt in the end, had been Ruby, who had been put up for adoption minutes after she'd been born.

How Eugina had even found out about Ruby's existence, Ruby never had the energy to find out, but she didn't really care. She had been given a wonderful life with her grandmother.

A shiver shot through Ruby's whole body as she remembered that day when she had found her grandmother dead, when she was about to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

Now years had passed, but Ruby still refused to talk about her loss and her heart still broke, simply thinking about it. It was just… Too painful.. Thankfully both Belle and Emma understood that, and neither one ever pushed her to talk about it. They just made sure that Ruby knew they would listen when she wanted, or if she even wanted, to talk.

*****

“Why aren't I surprised you couldn't survive the weekend without me, huh?“ Emma said with a grin, then gave Ruby a tight hug.

“You can't survive without each other for more than a few hours, now can you?“ Mary chuckled as she walked up to Ruby and gave her a hug as well. Mary had always been like an extra mom to ruby.

“Nah that's actually true, Mary, but I love coming here also!“ Ruby said with a chuckle. “And you love my mom’s cooking as well, now don't you Ruby?” Emma said as she nudged her roommate’s shoulder, who rolled her eyes playfully.

“Then you're lucky Ruby, I've planned on cooking my special chicken dish I know you love for dinner,” Mary said and smiled before she went inside the house, leaving the two younger women alone.

“So, how does if feel to be home again, Emma?“ Ruby asked carefully, not wanting to push too hard. She knew the blonde loved being here, as did she, but this house held as many bad memories, as it did good ones.

Emma simply shrugged.

“Well, I think you know the answer to that question already Ruby, now don't you?“ Emma said with a crooked smile, and the redhead scolded herself for even asking the question in the first place.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset… “

“Don't worry, just.. let's go inside and help mom with the food instead, shall we?“

Ruby chuckled.

“Well, we won't actually touch the stove, right?“

“No I promise and believe me, Belle has already made sure mom won't to let us so much as look at the damn stove, but mom loves the company. And maybe she will let us chop salad.”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Ruby said with a smirk, as they walked inside the house.

*****

While the dinner was being prepared, Emma and Ruby went upstairs to Emma's old room. As they sat down on the bed, Ruby noticed the photo album and reached for it before Emma had the chance to hide it. Their eyes met, before the redhead started to flip through the pictures.

She remembered Lily well, and had really liked her, even if Ruby had always thought something had felt, well, off with her. So when she had showed her true colors, Ruby hadn't been surprised. Emma crawled up into a ball and Ruby saw it, so she put away the album and laid her arms around her friend, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I hate her.. so much,” Emma managed to say before her voice broke. It was the first time she had actually said it out loud. It was a relief but at the same time she felt terrible. It was just so complicated.

“I know Ems, and believe me, I hate that bitch with all of my heart too, but you have to let go of Lily and forget what she did. You have to move on, or else you will never be able to be happy again,” Ruby said carefully, knowing this was as hard for Emma to talk about, as it was hard for her to talk about her grandmother's passing.

“I'm glad I have you and Belle though… and my family and my old guitar.… “ Emma said with a crooked smile as she reached for her guitar, and received a smirk from the redhead. Ruby knew this was Emma's way of saying that she didn't want to talk about this anymore, without actually saying it, but she just decided to play along. At least for now.

“I love when you give me a private concert,”  Ruby stated as she climbed under the blanket.

It was like magic seeing Emma holding her guitar. All the worries and anxiety that had been showing in her eyes just minutes ago, disappeared as soon her fingers brushed against the strings.

“Wanna hear a song I've just written?“ Emma asked. She never shared songs she'd written with anyone anymore. Simply because it had been her and Lily's thing.

And even if it had been years since then, Emma still remembered all those times they had been sitting in Lily's small living room. It still felt like it yesterday…

_*****_

_“Hi baby, you ok?“ Emma asked with a small smile as she leaned in and placed a kiss on Lily's plump lips that she'd come to love._

_“Hey, I'm just tired. Work was a bitch today.. “ Lily shrugged and reached for her whiskey glass. Emma nodded carefully as she put down her guitar on the floor and sat down on the couch._

_She saw how worn out her girlfriend looked and wished she could do something to cheer her up. Then it hit her, and she knew exactly what she should do._

_“Lil, you wanna hear one of my new songs?“ Emma asked as their eyes met. Lily's smile grew big quickly and Emma placed her guitar in her lap._

_“You always know how to cheer me up babe” Lily said with a chuckle._

_“Well, that's because I know you,” Emma said with a shrug as she cleared her throat and started to sing a song she'd written the other night._

**What if I told you about my little nothing town**   
**The two room house where I came from**   
**The man that I got my name from**   
**I don't even know where he is now**   
**What if I told you sometimes I lose my faith?**

**I wonder why someone like you would even talk to me**   
**What if I told you there's no fixing me**   
**Cause everybody's already tried**   
**Would you stay? Would you leave?**

**I could wait, it'll all come out eventually**   
**If I told you all the stupid things I've done**   
**I'd blamed on being young**   
**But I was old enough to know, I know**   
**If I told you the mess that I can be**   
**When there's no one there to see**   
**Would you look the other way, cause you love me anyway?**

**What if I told you I don't plan on staying here?**   
**My dreams are a million miles away**   
**And I know your family's gonna want you to stay**

**You know what? I don't blame them**   
**So I'll say what I don't want to**   
**And I'll just pray you want what I do**   
**If I told you all the stupid things I've done**   
**I'd blamed on being young**

**But I was old enough to know, I know**   
**If I told you the mess that I can be**   
**When there's no one there to see**   
**Could you look the other way cause you love me anyway?**

**Cause you love me anyway**   
**So before we go any further here**   
**Better we turn into another year**   
**There's some things you probably don't want to hear**   
**But you have to**

**If I told you sometimes I get jealous**   
**Sometimes I'm half crazy**   
**Would you say the hell with me, the hell with me?**   
**If I told you I barely know what love is**   
**But girl, if that's what this I don't want to let it slip away**   
**Could you love me anyway, please?**   
**Could you love me anyway?**

_“I will always love you baby, I hope you know that,” Lily said as she cupped Emma's face in her hands, and she continued, “It's always gonna be you and me, against the world.”_

_Emma almost blushed, because she had fallen for Lily the very first time she'd looked into Lily's blue eyes, and that was over 3 years ago._

_They had bumped into each other after one of Emma's gigs and the younger blonde had moved in with the brunette almost at once. She didn't care that it was going too fast, even if both Ruby and Belle had been sceptical, because Lily made her so happy._

_Then before she knew it, they had been together for 2 years and Emma had started to think about proposing to her soon._

_*****_

“Emma, hey, Emma, where did you go?“ Ruby asked anxiously as she took the blonde’s hands in hers, refusing to let them go, even if she felt how Emma tried to pull away.

“It's nothing.. It's.. Fuck… I.. You know, I just.. I always shared my new songs with Lily and it just made me think of her.. I guess,” Emma said as she avoided Ruby's eyes.

“It's okay Emma, you don't have to play for me if it makes you sad, but you have to at least try to leave Lily behind you, just like I told you earlier.. It's been years.. And I'm worried about you Emma. As is Belle.”

Ruby sighed as she finally let go of her grip around Emma's hands. She knew she couldn't and shouldn't push her friend too hard. But still, she couldn't just let this go.

Lily had fucked up Emma's life for too long, and enough was enough.

“It's not as easy as you make it out to be,” the blonde growled as she stood to her feet and started to pace back and forth on her floor.

“I know it's not easy Emma, it's everything but easy. But come on. You need to get back out there, or else you will end up alone!“ the words didn't come out right and she scolded herself for it, but she couldn't take it back. The damage was already done.

“Get the fuck out of my room, Rubes or I swear to God, I will throw you out,” Emma hissed, and Ruby knew she'd taken a step too far, so she didn't even give her friend a reply. She just left the room without so much as a whisper.

*****

Mary smiled as Ruby entered the kitchen, but the smile quickly faded as she saw the sad look on Ruby's face.

“My dear, what's wrong? Have you and Emma had an argument again?“ Mary asked and poured her and the redhead a glass of whiskey.

“You know me, so what do you think?“ Ruby mumbled and sat down, as she gulped down some whiskey.

“I guess I shouldn't be surprised,” Mary said and joined Ruby by the table. “And I guess it was about Lily as usual?“

“Yep…“ Ruby said as she dragged her fingers through her hair, before she added. “It's just so fucking sad you know? Emma is only 22 and she deserves to be happy, truly happy. But she won't be that it she won't let this shit with Lily… Go.”

“I know Ruby, but you can't force her to do that though. She has to make that decision for herself,” Mary said calmly and took one of Ruby's hand in hers, then gave it a gentle squeeze. That was something Ruby's grandmother had always done when she'd been upset.

“Yeah but what if she doesn't make that decision? What if she just, continues to live like this?“

“We just have to show her our support and give her time, okay?“ Mary said with a gentle smile. “And don't worry about this argument. She will calm down in a bit. Trust me. She'll probably go to her father's old music room to clear her head.”

****

Emma felt bad for snapping at Ruby, but at the same time, Ruby knew Lily was forbidden territory and she should respect that. Just as Emma respected that Ruby's grandmother was forbidden to talk about as well.

A groan escaped the blonde’s lips, as she left her room and made her way to place she always ran to when she needed advice while being home.

Her father's music room.

“I really wish you had been here dad…“ Emma said before her voice broke. She sunk down on the old couch and pressed play on one of their home movies her mother had filmed of them.

_“No baby, not like that. Like this. Look at the pro,” David said with a chuckle as he took the guitar from his daughter. It was Emma's birthday and David's present to her was spending the day together with her, teaching his daughter how to play the guitar._

_“I can't do this. I'm stupid,” Emma said with a pout, and crossed her arms._

_“No darling, you're not stupid. You're just too eager,” David chuckled as he ruffled his daughter’s hair. The small girls eyes met his and Emma saw how her mother smiled behind the camera, in the back of her eyes._

_“I can never be as good as you… so why even try?“_

_“Emma, you should never compare yourself to someone like that, simply because everyone's different, okay? And let me see that beautiful smile of yours, because we're not supposed to play the blues, as far as I know.”_

_Emma laughed at her father and nodded._

_“I will be the best Emma Swan there is!“ the young girl stated proudly and high fived her father._

_“That's my girl,” he said with a grin as he let his fingers brush against the strings of the guitar. “And when it comes to this, just see it like this. You can conquer the world, but only one string at the time.”_

_“You're talking in riddles now daddy,” Emma said with a mischievous smile on her lips._

_“You're daughter is actually right,” Mary said from behind the camera and David rolled his eyes playfully._

_“You two always gang up on me, but you always get away with it because I love you so incredibly much,“ David said as he embraced his daughter. “And Emma, listen to me. Don't ever let anyone break your heart and if someone hurts you like that, don't be afraid to find someone again. Just get back on your feet and show the world you're a strong and beautiful girl, okay?“_

_“I promise dad. I love you.”_

_“I love you too Emma. I will always, even on the days I'm not here anymore. I will always be with you.”_

As the video ended, Emma dried her eyes and turned around to the wall, where all pictures of them hung.

“It’s hard to get back up dad, it really is..” Emma said with a shaking voice. “But I promised you I would, and I'm not gonna break that promise.”

*****

Hours later, after dinner, Ruby and Emma sat out on the porch. Mary had went to bed and left the two childhood friends alone, since they needed to talk.

“I'm sorry for earlier Ruby..“ Emma said as their eyes met.

“It's okay, I'm the one who should be sorry. I know you don't like to talk about Lily and I shouldn't have pushed you so hard…“

“True, but at the same time, I know you're right. I can't continue living my life like this,” Emma admitted with a shrug. “I can't stand being on my own anymore, you know?“

“You're not on your own Ems, you know that. You will always have me and Belle, but I know what you're trying to say. It's okay, really. We'll do this together, I promise,“ Ruby almost whispered as she pulled Emma into a close hug.

“I love you Ruby.”

“I love you too Emma, but let's go inside and sleep. Before we break down in tears like two pregnant teenagers,“ Ruby chuckled. Emma nodded and they made their way up to Emma's old room, and squeezed down into the small bed.

They had always slept like that, and it had never been weird, not even to Belle. Emma and Ruby had never seen each other in a sexual way, not even once. They more saw each other like sisters, and Ruby would never cheat on Belle. Belle was her soulmate.

The sadness then washed over Emma again. Belle was Ruby's soul mate like Lily was supposed to have been hers..

“Night Rubes,” Emma said as she flickered off the lamp on her nightstand. It took not more then minutes for Ruby to start to snore but Emma couldn't sleep. She instead laid on her back and thought about Lily. Just like every other night.

_How the fuck am I gonna be able to move past you? What you did, almost killed me._

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your rewiews and here's another chapter! Enjoy :)

The weekend passed by too quickly and soon, it was Wednesday evening. That’s when both Emma and Ruby had to be back at work.

Emma wasn't in the mood for any crap from anyone at all, so of course the damn place had to packed with extra stupid obnoxious assholes…!

“Hey pretty face, get your ass over here already!“ an old bearded guy shouted, even though Emma was busy with two other guys orders.

This customer didn't seem to care about that at all, as he added. “For fuck sake! Come on sexy, give me a beer already, or are you one of those Russian whores that don't speak English?!“

Just as Emma was about to go over to the man, fantasizing about kicking him in the crotch and throwing him out, Ruby lightly touched her shoulder, and their eyes met.

“Leave Craig to me. He always behaves like an idiot when he has to wait, but he won't dare talk to me like that, so let me give him a piece of my mind. ” Ruby replied with a mischievous smile.

“Thanks Rubes,” Emma said as she turned back to the other men who screamed all kind of swear words and things that made Emma shiver. She desperately needed another job. But then again, how would that even be possible?

“Excuse me miss, I'm looking for someone, maybe you can help me, if that's not too much to ask?“ A man suddenly said, and his kind voice immediately caught Emma's attention, just as it made her quirk an eyebrow.

She turned around and was met by a well dressed man with a gentle smile on his lips. He looked misplaced in an environment like this and Emma wondered why he was even there in the first place. With those clothes, he had to be loaded.

So why be at this sleazy place at all?

******

“Sure sir, who ya looking for?“ Emma asked, while pouring some whiskey for a regular, that actually didn't behave like an ass hole. 

“I'm looking for a Emma Swan, and I was told she worked here.“

The blonde almost choked on the sip of beer she had just taken when she heard this mysterious man mention her name.

What was even going on here? Was she on candid camera or what?! Either way, it had to be some kind of joke..

“Well, you've found her, but just out of curiosity, who are you?“ Emma said, a bit skeptical. Especially since she knew she recognized this man, without knowing exactly why..

“Oh excuse me Miss Swan. Where are my manners,” he chuckled and held out his hand for her to shake. “I'm Robin Mills.”

Emma almost lost her balance.

“Mills? As in like  _ the  _ Robin Mills?“ Emma stuttered and felt her eyes widen with every word she said. “the famous music producer?“

“Oh I'm flattered, and yes, that's me,” he chuckled. “Is there anywhere private we can speak?“

“Emma, you look like you've seen a ghost. Are you ok?“ Ruby asked carefully as she came back to her friend.

The blonde didn't even so much as give her a look or a reply, and Emma seemed to have trouble forming words for some reason as well, which made Ruby frown.

“I think I'm the reason to why she can't speak, miss,“ a man suddenly said and Ruby's eyes met his.

He smiled gently at her and ruby frowned even more. She wasn't used to seeing such a well dressed man in here nor hearing a man call her  _ miss.  _ Manners wasn't something ordinary in here..

“Wow, I never been called miss in this place. But please, just call me Ruby,” the redhead said with a grin and the man held out his hand for her to shake.

“I was just asking Emma here if I could speak with her for a few minutes, somewhere private if possible“ he said and Ruby immediately started to feel uneasy. 

Maybe this  _ Mr. Nice Guy  _ was nothing but an act? Her stomach churned.

“Look here Mr., my friend isn't some hooker if that is what you mean by  _ privacy, _ ” Ruby said with a hiss, but before he had the chance to reply, Ruby felt Emma drag her with her, to the back of the bar.

Confused eyes met angry ones.

“Idiot! Do you know who the fuck you're speaking to?!“ Emma snapped and Ruby quirked an eyebrow. She had never seen Emma  _ this  _ angry.

“Ehm.. No? I, no? Should I?“

“It's Robin Mills! Ring any bells?!” Emma growled through gritted teeth.

“No?”

“Well, he's the famous music producer and God knows why he wants to speak with me, so keep your stupid mouth shut and keep your eyes on these idiots for a couple of minutes, will ya?!“

“Yeah.. Sure” Ruby replied nervously as Emma left her and walked back to the man.

“Sorry, my friend is a bit.. obnoxious sometimes,” Emma said with a careful smile, and Robin just chuckled.

“Don't worry Emma, I guess you're not used to people being nice to you around here, now are you?“

“No that's not usual around here, no. But anyway, did I understand you right when you said you wanted to speak with me alone?“

“Yes, if that's possible,” Robin replied.

“Sure ehm, I mean absolutely, come with me Mr. Mills,” Emma said nervously and led them to a room in the back.

*****

“And why the hell did Emma leave the bar without being on her break?“ Killian asked as he walked up to Ruby.

The redhead rolled her eyes at her idiot of a boss, who still had not learned that she was  _ not  _ one of his many employees that he could talk to like he wished.

“Don't forget who you're talking to right now, Kill,” Ruby replied with a sharp tongue and he almost shrunk, and the scene received a laugh from one of the regulars at the place.

“Just answer my question Lucas,” Killian said while he poured himself a shot of rum.

“That man Emma walked off with was none other than the famous music producer, _ Robin Mills,” _ Ruby smirked.

“Huh, who would have guessed that.. “ Killian shrugged, then left Ruby to tend the bar by herself.

*****

“So,ehm, Mr. Mills, how come you wanted to talk to me? I mean.. I'm not any special person.. You must have gotten me mixed up with someone important,” Emma trailed off nervously.

“Oh no. I actually got a tip from a local waitress that an unpolished diamond of a musician worked here so I had to check it out for myself,” Robin said and Emma's eyes widened once again.

“I still don't follow…?“ Emma admitted. She didn't do good in situations like this. But then again, it wasn't like she usually talked to someone this…  _ stop sounding so stupid…  _ Emma thought to herself.

“I was in town the previous weekend to see if I could find some local musicians that hadn't been found so to speak, and your name was mentioned while I was at a restaurant. But I was busy the whole weekend so I came back today to speak with you personally.“

Emma tugged on her lower lip, when it hit her who this waitress had to have been, who had mentioned her name to Robin.

_ My God Belle. It has to be Belle! Remember you have to buy her a bottle of her favorite wine when you have the chance!  _ Emma thought to herself.

“I don't know if I'm  _ that  _ good, for someone as busy and important as you are Robin. I mean, making a special visit to speak with me. That's.. That's not necessary,“ Emma said with a shrug, hiding the fact that she was incredibly flattered over this whole thing.

“I was nobody myself once Emma, don't forget that,” he said with a smile, then added “Anyhow, usually I invite people over to my studio to play a couple of songs for me, but since I promised my son I wouldn't work for a month and still went away for today, I would love for you to record a few songs for me and then mail them to me, if that's possible?“

“Sure… I don't have any fancy equipment like you're probably used to but I guess I can whip up something.. I think.“

“Oh that's just a part of the charm with experiencing a diamond in the rough. That raw talent and voice that hasn't been destroyed by auto tune and all that nonsense” Robin chuckled as he gave Emma his business card and made a circle around his mail address.

“There we are. Here's my contact information and I would love for you to send me some original material because if I remember correctly, you write your own songs, yes?“

“Yeah ehm, yes I do,” Emma replied with a smirk, thinking about how proud her father would be about the fact that his own daughter was actually having a private business meeting with none other than  **_THE_ ** Robin Mills.

_ I have to call my mom about this.. And my uncle.. And Belle. God. I almost feel the need to French kiss her as a thanks for setting this up!  _ Emma thought to herself.

“Well, I hope to hear back from you soon then Emma Swan, and before I let you go back to work, your name, I think it just, I feel like it's familiar in some way?“

“My dad was well known in the music business. His name was David Nolan Swan,” Emma replied with a big and proud smile spreading on her lips.

“Oh! The world is small, isn't it? Well, I look forward to hearing from you soon then, Miss Swan. Take care,“ Robin said as he stood up and shook Emma's hand. And before the blonde had the chance to reply, he was already gone.

_ I need a drink  _ Emma thought to herself and made her way back to the bar.

_ ***** _

When Emma finally made her way back to Ruby, the redhead was almost exploding with curiosity.

“So, how did it go?“ Ruby asked curiously as Emma downed a shot of vodka.

“First thing, remind me to thank Belle. It has to be her who mentioned me to him because he ate at her restaurant this weekend,” Emma said, and stopped to catch her breath. “And he wanted me to record some songs and send them to him... I.. I can't believe this. It's so freaking awesome! I mean. He's huge! This is HUGE!”

“This calls for a shot of the most expensive booze we have,” Ruby said with a grin and grabbed two shot glasses.

Emma rolled her eyes, knowing Killian would be furious if he were to see this. And when he joined them, she froze. But he surprised her and offered her a smile.

“Make that three shots Lucas, and put them on the house,” he said and Ruby poured another one and each of them clinked their glasses together.

_ Maybe I'll be something else other than just a hobby musician soon  _ Emma thought to herself. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the fantastic response! I'm happy you're loving this story as much as I love writing it. 
> 
> And a special thanks to my wonderful friend and BETA Naomi. I wouldn't be able to do this without your help, support and inspiration. This story is just as much yours as it's mine.

When Ruby and Emma came home that night after work, Emma ran straight into her friend's bedroom and attacked the sleeping Belle with a hug.

“What the.. “ Belle mumbled and flickered on her lamp, while rubbing her eyes. “Emma? Why are you trying to smother me with hugs in the middle of night? I mean, isn't that like, Ruby's job?“

“I met Robin Mills today,  _ the  _ Robin mills, thanks to you!!“ Emma said, her voice sounding like a kid at Christmas eve. “And he asked me to send him some of my songs. I can't believe it. Thank you so much!“

The sleepy brunette just smiled and hugged Emma back, feeling proud of herself.

“Oh I couldn't resist mentioning your name when I had the chance,” Belle said with a shrug as Ruby entered the room, looking a bit embarrassed about Emma's behavior. 

“Sorry that she woke you up babe, but she out ran me,” Ruby said with a laugh and sat down on the bed, then laid her arms around her girlfriend.

“I gotta start working on some songs! God I'm so happy!“ Emma almost shouted when she ran to her bedroom. Belle and Ruby's eyes met and both let out a laugh.

“I must have the best girlfriend in the world,” Ruby stated proudly.

“Probably,” Belle said with a smirk, when she suddenly was pushed backwards on the bed. A giggle escaped her lips when Ruby straddled her hips.

“How about some sex since you're awake anyway huh?“ Ruby said, and Belle didn't even answer her, she simply grabbed her girlfriend's shirt and pulled her close, smashing their lips together.

*****

Emma was so thankful to be living in a house right now and not an apartment, considering the time. She would never have been able to play her guitar this late otherwise, without making some stupid neighbors angry.

“Let's see what we can come up with, baby,” Emma said to her guitar, as she grabbed the old Fender and sat down on her worn out armchair, then opened a bottle of beer.

Emma reached for her notepad as well and let her fingers play with the pen, while thinking about some song ideas. She loved playing acoustic songs but longed for the day when she could be able to learn how to play more instruments.

Then the inspiration washed over her and a grin spread on her lips. This was what she was born to do.  _ This was who she was supposed to be. _

**_I heard that you've been_ ** ****_  
_ **_Self-medicating in the quiet of your room,_ ** ****_  
_ **_Your sweet, suburban tomb._ ** ****_  
_ **_And if you need a friend,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_I'll help you stitch up your wounds._

**_I heard that you've been_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Having some trouble finding your place in the world._ **

**_I know how much that hurts,_ ** ****_  
_ **_But if you need a friend_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_Then please just say the word_

**_You've come this far,_ ** ****_  
_ **_You're all cleaned up,_ ** ****_  
_ **_You've made a mess again,_ ** ****_  
_ **_There's no more trying,_ ** ****_  
_ **_Time to sort yourself out_ ** **_  
_ **

**_Hold on tight,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_This ride is a wild one,_ **

**_Make no mistake,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,_ **

**_Now don't lose your fight, kid,_ ** ****_  
_ **_It only takes a little push to pull on through,_ ** ****_  
_ **_With so much left to do,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you._

**_I heard that you've been_ ** ****_  
_ **_Having some trouble finding your place in the world._ ** ****_  
_ **_I know how much that hurts,_ ** ****_  
_ **_And if you need a friend_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_Then please just say the word_

**_You've come this far,_ ** ****_  
_ **_You're all cleaned up,_ ** ****_  
_ **_You've made a mess again,_ ** ****_  
_ **_There's no more trying,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_Time to sort yourself out_

**_Hold on tight,_ ** ****_  
_ **_This ride is a wild one,_ ** ****_  
_ **_Make no mistake,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,_

**_Now don't lose your fight, kid,_ ** ****_  
_ **_It only takes a little push to pull on through,_ ** ****_  
_ **_With so much left to do,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you._

**_Grit your teeth, pull your hair,_ ** ****_  
_ **_Paint the walls black and scream, "Fuck the world_ ** ****_  
_ **_'Cause it's my life, I'm gonna take it back,"_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_And never for a second blame yourself._

**_Hold on tight,_ ** ****_  
_ **_This ride is a wild one,_ ** ****_  
_ **_Make no mistake,_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,_

**_(No, you can't cover up)_ ** ****_  
_ **_(One, two, three, four!)_ ** ****_  
_ **_Hold on tight,_ ** **_  
_ **

**_This ride is a wild one (This ride is a wild one),_ **

**_Make no mistake,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,_ **

**_Now don't lose your fight, kid (Don't lose your fight, kid),_ ** ****_  
_ **_It only takes a little push to pull on through (push to pull on through),_ ** ****_  
_ **_With so much left to do_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you_

*****

The next day Ruby and Belle were up early, so when Emma made her way downstairs, the happy couple was already done with preparing breakfast.

“Morning Ems, did you come up with some songs yesterday?“ Ruby asked curiously as she poured Emma an enormous cup of coffee.

“Yeah I think I wrote like three or four songs last night. It was crazy!“ Emma replied, then reached for one of the tasty sandwiches Belle always made for breakfast.

“That's wonderful Emma!“ Belle said as she joined the conversation.

“And hey, let me get my guitar. I actually wrote a song about you two, or well, I used you as inspiration kinda,” Emma smiled, then disappeared upstairs to get her Fender, and when she came back, Ruby and Belle waited patiently on her in the living room.

**_You say you never danced to a dashboard singin' R.E.M. under summer stars_ ** ****_  
_ **_Never leaned back on a jet black Chevy, blowing smoke rings in the dark_ ** ****_  
_ **_You don't want to be a rumor, girl, and I feel just the same_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_Yeah, I know that you don't know me well but we can make that change_

**_When was the last time you did something for the first time?_ ** ****_  
_ **_Yeah, let yourself go, follow that feeling_ ** ****_  
_ **_Maybe something new is what you're needing_ ** ****_  
_ **_Like a real life, let your hair down, feel alive_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_When was the last time you did something for the first time?_

**_Say you never drank from the bottle of some two dollar wine, run barefoot through the mud_ ** ****_  
_ **_Never had the right kiss stolen from your lips, while you watched the sun come up_ ** ****_  
_ **_Well, I know your friends are watching and they probably disapprove_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_But give me just half a chance, girl, I'm daring you_

**_When was the last time you did something for the first time?_ ** ****_  
_ **_Yeah, let yourself go, baby, follow that feeling_ ** ****_  
_ **_Maybe something new is what you're needing_ ** ****_  
_ **_Like a real life, let your hair down, feel alive_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_When was the last time you did something for the first time?_

**_Now the way you're looking says you're living_ ** ****_  
_ **_I hope I ain't reading wrong_ ** ****_  
_ **_'Cause the way you're shining, I think you're thinking_ ** ****_  
_ **_It's been way too long_ ** ****_  
_ **_When was the last time you did something for the first time?_ ** **_  
_ **

**_Yeah yeah, let yourself go, come on follow that feeling_ ** ****_  
_ **_Maybe something new is what you're needing_ ** ****_  
_ **_Like a real life, let your hair down, feel alive, alive_ ** ****_  
_ **_When was the last time oh you did something for the first time, girl?_ ** **_  
_ **

**_Come on, baby_ ** **_  
_ ** **_When was the last time, yeah, you did something for the first time?_ **

****

“Wow, you're.. You're on fire Ems!“ Ruby said with a grin, and the blonde simply shrugged.

“Don't act like you aren't good, because you are!“ Belle said with a mischievous smile on her lips. “You are really good, and that man is gonna sign you!“

“Yeah, you're not gonna be a bartender for long now,” Ruby grinned and Emma just shrugged again. She didn't see herself as more than a hobby musician, and probably never would.

“Nah, I don't think I'm  _ that  _ good but thanks guys,” Emma replied. “But if you think I'm that good, how about another song?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter :  
> *Missing you - All time low   
> *for the first time - Darius Rucker


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My God, thank you for all the sweet response. It makes me so happy! So here you have another chapter just because you're so awesome!

A couple of days later, Regina, Robin and Henry were at their beach house. The brunette was feeling better after some medication changes and was running around on the beach with her son, playing tag.

Regina was happy for once and she loved moments like this. Family time meant the world to her. Mostly because she had never had this until Robin came into her life.

“I love being here,” Regina said with a smile to Robin as she joined him in the kitchen. He was preparing food for them, and he turned around and met his wife with a beaming smile.

“Me too dear, and I knew the air out here would do you good, as it always does,” Robin chuckled when the front door all of a sudden opened, making the brunette quirk an eyebrow. She didn't know they were expecting company, or were they?

“Auntie Kathryn!“ Henry shouted and Regina placed a kiss on her husband's lips before walking out to the hallway, meeting her only friend.

“You missed me?“ Kathryn said and embraced the young boy in an enormous hug. She had watched this boy grow up and before the nanny had been hired, she had helped Regina with him, so Henry would always have a special place in her heart.

“You always make these surprise visits, don't you?“ Regina asked as she gave Kathryn a hug. She hadn't seen her for months and was so happy that she was here.

“Well, since you don't answer your damn phone like a normal person does, I don't have much choice other than to show up like this, now do I?“ Kathryn replied and even if the words were said with a smile, they hurt Regina to hear. She felt terrible but didn't let it show. Her poker face was from another world.

*****

After dinner, Henry and Robin went down to the boat, leaving the two friends to catch up, so they went out on the enormous back porch. Kathryn had a glass of wine, while Regina was drinking mineral water.

“So, how are you doing then? You haven't really talked with me so much these last few months,” Kathryn said with a careful tone in her voice, knowing Regina could easily shut her out completely, but sometimes she needed to push Regina to her limit for her to even open up at all.

“I'm doing better, finally,” Regina replied with a shrug. “I've been struggling a bit, but now it's better. I made some medicine adjustments that I think will help me.”

“Yeah, I can see that small fire in your eyes again, Gina, and I don't think I have seen that particular fire for years,” Kathryn replied with a wink.

Regina simply shrugged again. She still had that nagging anxiety in the back of her head, that she shouldn't continue her life with Robin. He deserved someone else and she didn't deserve him. She didn't love him like he loved her...

“But I also see in your eyes that you're doubting something. Gina, what's troubling you?“

Kathryn lived a happy life with her husband and children, and had more money than she ever needed. Which meant Regina knew she would be able to help her if she actually took the step and filed for divorce, but she knew she couldn't hurt Henry like that. Right?

He loved his father so much, and that she could see even now, when the two were down by the boat. Robin was Henry's idol….

But then again, would she ever be truly happy if she continued to live this… lie?

“I can't tell you… its.. It's too complicated.“

“Gina, come on,” Kathryn chuckled, then added “Everything with you is complicated, you know.”

“I don't know if that's supposed to be a compliment or not.. “ Regina huffed.

“You know what I meant Gina. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. So come on, what's troubling you?“

“I said I don't want to talk about it!“ the brunette snapped.

“Okay sure. I will leave it alone, but only if you agree to this,“ Kathryn smirked. “Let's go out to a bar and have a good time, yeah?“

“I can't drink alcohol on these stupid pills, so I'm supposed to look at you while you drink yourself silly?“ Regina shot back with a quirked eyebrow. Kathryn just rolled her eyes, ignoring the question.

“Anyway, I've been told about this small biker’s club, that one of the bartenders perform at Fridays and Saturdays and she's supposed to be awesome. The place is always packed! So what do you think?“

Regina thought for a while before she glanced back at her friend.

“Sure. Let's do it.”

*****

The bar was indeed packed with people and Regina felt coming here was a bad idea almost immediately. But when the blonde girl finally stepped up on the stage and sat down on a chair, with a old guitar in her lap, time almost stopped.

Regina couldn't stop looking at her and when she started to sing, she felt a calm wash over her like never before.

The blonde was so incredibly beautiful and Regina felt alive, for what had to be years since…

When Emma had a short break, and walked off stage, Regina snapped back to reality as she felt her friend Kathryn's hand touch her shoulder.

“Hey, you disappeared on me for a moment there. Are you okay?“ she asked when Regina turned around and offered her a smile. 

“I have to talk to that girl.. She's talented.. Robin has to sign her!“ 

“Oh, ehm okay?“ Kathryn said and before she got the chance to say anything more, the brunette had disappeared into the crowd. Kathryn cursed under her breathe and almost panicked.

This wasn’t going to end well…

******

“God you're were so freaking good out there!” Ruby smirked as Emma downed her beer. “And I think you've got a fan in the crowd tonight Ems. Did you see the brunette standing in the front? Goddammit what a bombshell!“

Emma frowned and shook her head. She never looked into the crowd while performing, never let herself get distracted… instead she always disappeared into her own world, and Ruby knew that. So why did she even ask?

“Emma, you've got someone who wants to talk to you,” Killian suddenly said as he popped his head into the small room she was in at the moment. Emma frowned even more. What was going on tonight?

“Ehm sure, ehm, Ruby can you put on some random music so I can speak to whoever it is for like 10 minutes?“ Emma asked and Ruby nodded her answer, and disappeared. Minutes later, the door opened and a brunette walked inside the room. Emma almost dropped her jaw to the floor. 

_ That has to be the girl Ruby meant _ .

“Ehm, hi?“ Emma finally managed to say and the brunette smiled at her. Emma almost melted into a puddle. She had never seen such a beautiful smile in her whole life… 

“I'm sorry to interrupt your break, but I just had to speak to you… it's nice to meet you, I'm Regina Mills.”

“Ehm, Mills? As in like Robin Mills, the famous producer?“ 

“Yes, he is my husband,” Regina replied with a gentle tone and Emma let out a big sigh. Of course the first woman who had caught Emma's attention for  _ years  _ had to be married…

“Sorry, but I didn't get your name?“

“I'm Emma. And I use have to ask.. how come you wanted to talk to me ?“ Emma asked carefully, and for some reason she choose to not tell Regina she had already met Robin about her music..

In the meanwhile, Emma studied the brunette. She was wearing an immaculate black dress and even if the room was poorly lighted, Emma easily noticed the scars and weird marks on Regina's arms. It broke Emma's heart in a way, which even surprised her, since it was the first time they met.

Regina suddenly realized she was showing her arms when she felt Emma's eyes studying her, probably judging her so she stood to her feet. 

“Sorry,. I.. This was a bad idea.. “ she said when she suddenly felt Emma's hand taking hers, and the simple touch, made Regina's breathing become much easier.. 

“No please, don't go. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just.. I just noticed the scars.. But I didn't mean to.. Please.“

There was a kindness to Emma's voice that made Regina actually believe her and she nodded as she sat down. Emma smiled at the move and they started talking again.

Emma was sad when Ruby poked her head inside the room and told her she had to go back up, and winked at her when she noticed Regina.

“Maybe we can speak after the show?“ Emma asked and felt her cheeks turn red, and even if she knew this was a really stupid idea, she was met with a nod and a smile, before Regina disappeared.

*****

Kathryn was about to rip her hair out when she finally found Regina. She was so relieved to see her, but still mad as hell because Regina had just disappeared like that. So when she walked up to Regina, Kathryn quickly grabbed her arm

“Where the hell did you go? I was terrified!“ Kathryn scoffed and Regina didn't blame her. They had been friends for years and Kathryn had seen her at her worst. She had saved her many times and found her countless numbers of times, passed out in some toilets due to drug overdoses. And she knew how easily Regina could slip back to old habits.

“Never mind. It's my fault. I shouldn't have made you come here in the first place.. ” Kathryn added when she saw the blonde come out from the same place Regina had come from just a couple of minutes ago.

She saw the quick smile Emma gave Regina and it made Kathryn intrigued. 

“Can't we just stay until Emma's show is over?“

“Okay sure. But after that we're going home, and no more running off!“

“I promise Kathryn,” Regina smiled and turned her attention to the stage where the beautiful blonde started to sing again. 

Kathryn wondered how and  _ why  _ Regina knew the singers name, since it wasn't on any posters or anything like that in the club. And that smile the women had given each other… what was that even about?

*********

When Emma came off the stage, her eyes quickly started to look for that beautiful brunette again. Emma's mother frowned when she saw her daughter disappear in the crowd, because she always ran up to them when she was done with the performance, but this time she didn't. It made her confused. 

“Where on earth is Emma going?“ Mary said as she glanced over to Ruby. “Did she have something to do after the show?“

The redhead grinned to herself, but chose to keep quiet about the brunette, and played stupid.

“No, I don't think so. But she probably had to use the bathroom. She drank a hell of a lot of beer when she had her break,” Ruby lied, and even if Mary and James swallowed the bait, Belle didn't. She didn't believe those words for a second.

“They might believe you but I don't,” Belle whispered into her girlfriends ears, then nibbled on her ear, something she knew drove Ruby completely crazy, then added, “And if you wont tell me, I will refuse sex until you do.”

*****

“Regina, hey!“ Emma said with a grin as she finally found the brunette she’d been looking for. A blonde was with her and she seemed sceptical, but kept to herself, even if she kept a close eye on Emma.

“I didn't think you would find me in this chaos” Regina said, and tugged on her lower lip. That almost made Emma lose her balance. This woman was so incredibly sexy…  _ keep it in your pants Swan _ she told herself.

“I know this place like the back of my hand. So ehm, can I buy you a drink?“

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger though!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm so happy over all the positive response I've gotten on this story. You guys are so amazing and all your kind words make me push through even the hardest of writer blocks.
> 
> So here you have yet another chapter. Hope you like it and don't forget to leave some love. 
> 
> Rock on :)

“There you are,” Belle said when she finally spotted Emma by the bar. As the blonde turned around though, Belle saw another familiar face next to her, something she wasn't really expecting.

She then saw how Emma's hand was playing with Regina's, their fingers intertwined. It was maybe an innocent thing, but not to Belle. And she didn't like seeing her friend playing with fire like she was. 

_ Emma, for god’s sake. What are you doing…  _ the brunette thought to herself.

“Belle, hi, ehm, Let me introduce you to Regina. And this is her friend, Kathryn,” Emma said nervously, and quickly let go of Regina's hand.

She cursed herself for being so stupid that she openly held Regina's hand even if it wasn't ‘more than so’.. but still… She knew Regina was a married woman, but Emma just couldn't help herself for some unknown reason.

“Hello ladies, I just need to borrow Emma for a few minutes,“ Belle said with a crooked smile as she grabbed Emma's hand and dragged her along with her, and led them into one of the bathroom stalls, where they could talk without being forced to shout due to the loud music.

“What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your damn mind?!“ Emma said with a hiss and shot her roommate a glare.

“Oh no you don't. It isn't about what I'm doing!“ Belle shot back as she pushed the blonde up against the wall. “It's about what the hell  _ you _ are doing?!“

Emma was surprised by the strength of the petite brunette but she didn't match the strength of Emma.

“Get off of me!“ Emma growled.

“Okay maybe that was unnecessary,“ Belle said with a shrug, then took a step backwards. “But you know what I mean. You know who that woman is and you know she's married!! Don't you?!“

“What's your point here?“ Emma threw up her hands and groaned.

“You're  _ still _ flirting with her Emma?! What the hell are you thinking?!“

Emma wished she could explain herself out of this mess, but she couldn't. There wasn't a point to it, so instead she sat down on the toilet and hid her head in her hands.

“I don't know how it happened. But she came to me backstage and we started talking and I…I just felt  _ something _ I haven't felt since Lily. Although at the same time, I have never felt anything just like this.. “

****

“Gina?“ Kathryn asked and met her friend’s eyes a while after Belle and Emma left them. 

“Yes?“ Regina replied, as she waved over the bartender. 

“I don't want to make a scene here but,..“ she began to say, but Regina interrupted her with a chuckle.

“Who are you kidding, dear? You are someone who loves to make a scene.”

“Yeah well, wrong choice of words then,” Kathryn shrugged, before she continued. “What I meant to say, is that I saw you hold that girl’s hand and it almost seemed like you were flirting with her? Or did I get it all wrong?“

Regina cleared her throat and felt the panic rise with every breath. She knew Kathryn wasn't going to judge her, if she told her the truth, but she was still too scared to admit it out loud..

****

“Emma, look at me,” Belle said with a stern, yet calm tone in her voice. “You're on thin ice right now and you're risking so much… and you're not  _ that  _ person, now are you? The one who destroys someone's life like that?“

“I'm not a saint if that's what you're trying to imply,” Emma huffed as she lit a cigarette. She knew smoking was forbidden here but she knew her boss Killian didn't care. And the place wasn't exactly taken care of in the first place.

“No, but you're behaving like your ex Lily right now!“ Belle shot back, but quickly covered her mouth with her hands.

Without thinking, Emma slapped Belle on the face after hearing those particular words and stood to her feet. She was gritting her teeth and knew Ruby would most definitely kill her if she had been there right now. One thing was sure though,  _ this wasn't who Emma was.  _

“Don't you ever compare me to Lily, ever again! And don't you dare speak a word of this to Ruby, are we clear?!“ Emma snapped, and got a nervous nod from Belle, before she left the bathroom.

Emma was absolutely furious but at the same time, sad over this whole situation. She knew Belle was right, but it was painful to get it thrown in her face that she behaved like her ex. The ex that had broken her completely….

This night had just turned to hell, which made Emma just want to go home. But when she grabbed her guitar and headed for the door, Emma heard her mother call her name.

_ Fuck!  _ she thought to herself. She had, for some reason, totally forgotten that she and her uncle James were there, even if they practically always were.

“Emma, we haven't seen you all night! Where have you been?“ Mary asked as she pulled her daughter into a hug. Emma hugged her back but quickly pulled away, which made her mother wonder what was actually going on. Emma never shrugged away from hugs like that.

“It's okay mom, I'm just.. I have this crazy headache so I just wanna go home,” Emma replied. “I'm just tired.”

“Oh baby, let us drive you home then,” Mary offered and turned around to wave James over to them, but as she turned back, Emma was already gone.

*****

Emma didn't know how she was supposed to get home, but at the same time she didn't care. The tears were stinging in her eyes while she walked beside the road, cursing herself for being such an idiot.

She hadn't done more than hold Regina's hand, but she had wanted to do so much more to her….

And that was  _ not _ the sort of thoughts Emma was supposed to have. Especially not when the woman she was fantasizing about was married to the only one who could help Emma become, well…  _ something _ .

Emma didn't get far though before she heard someone call her name. She groaned but when she turned around to see Regina, a small smile spread on her lips.

“Are you OK? “ Regina asked as she walked up Emma, her heart beating like crazy. She didn't know why she even cared about her, but she did. And that amazed her since Regina didn't socialize with people like,  _ ever _ .

“Yeah I'm okay, I just.. I needed to get out of that place. It can get a bit.. Too much sometimes,” Emma said with a shrug.

She scraped her foot on the ground when she suddenly felt Regina's hand slip into hers. It made her heart skip a beat, but the guilty conscious then washed over the blonde. So she pulled back.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.. “ Regina said with a sigh, and Emma could see the pain in her eyes.

“It's okay.. I just.. God.. Do you know how much i want to kiss you right now?“ Emma said with a groan, as she took a step forward, and as she felt Regina's breath on her, she shivered.

Her whole body screamed to touch her, to pull the other woman into a kiss, right there and now but Emma knew she shouldn't. No, she wasn't  _ that  _ kind of person…. Right?

“What's stopping you?“ Regina asked with a low, yet shaking voice. She knew she was about to do something wrong, but she couldn't help herself. There just was something special about this blonde musician. She had never felt this alive in her whole life by simply looking into Emma's eyes.

“Because I know your husband… and he's helping me become something and maybe leave this shit hole of a town… but that won't happen if I fuck his wife behind his back,”

The choice of words was maybe a bit too vulgar, even for Emma, but she didn't care. It needed to be said, before she made a fool of herself and threw away her chance of becoming someone and  _ something. _

“Oh,..“ Regina said, sounding almost defeated.

“Yeah.. So well, I'm sorry for leading you on, because I knew who you were as soon as you introduced yourself. But...I just couldn't help myself…“ Emma admitted with a shrug.

Her heart was breaking at the moment, and maybe it was a bit weird since she hadn't known Regina for more than a couple of hours. But still…

“I shouldn't have let you lead me on. I mean, I'm the one of us who is married, yes?“ Regina asked with a crooked smile.

“As far as I know,” Emma replied with a chuckle.

“I guess I should get back to my friend..“ Regina shrugged and as she had turned around to leave, Emma reacted without thinking, once again.

It was like her body took on a life of its own and did exactly the opposite of what her brain had told her to do.

“Fuck it,” Emma said and threw caution to the wind as she grabbed Regina's hand, making her twirl around and she smashed their lips against each other.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the sweet comments so as a thank you I've actually put together this chapter as one, but it's meant to be three separate, just because you readers are so sweet!
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it and please leave a comment if you do :)

When Kathryn finally found Regina again she was absolutely furious, but also terrified. She smashed the door behind her and the biker guys that were standing just outside and in the way, thankfully took a step aside to let her through. In her panic, she at least gave them a nod as thank you.

Just as she was about to call Regina's name, she saw her friend kiss the blonde woman from earlier. Kathryn froze in her spot and wondered what was actually going on.

_ I wonder if she's thinking about divorcing Robin?  _ Kathryn thought to herself, because she had always been doubtful if her friend actually had true feelings for Robin.

She quickly shook her head tough, to clear such thoughts. Kathryn had been friends with Regina for years, so surely Regina would have told her about that, wouldn't she?

“Gina, there you are,” Kathryn said with a pointed tone when she finally had walked up to the the brunette. Regina turned around and gave her a nervous smile, knowing that the tone in her voice wasn't good. She didn't blame her though, because she had disappeared on her twice this night.

“Oh Kathryn. I…”

“Save it,” she said through gritted teeth, acting like Emma wasn't even there.

“Ehm, I guess I should go back inside to see where my roomies went. Ehm, nice seeing you ladies,” Emma said and quickly made her way back inside.

“What the hell is your problem, Gina? Disappearing like that on me, twice!! And don't you dare give me some bullshit answer. I demand the damn truth!” Kathryn hissed and grabbed Regina's arm.

“I have to know that I can trust you,“ Regina shot back and untangled herself. “So, can I trust you, or not?“

Kathryn didn't want to tell Regina she had seen the kiss, because she wanted Regina to tell her about it herself.

But then the panic started to set in, as she thought about what that kiss could actually have meant.

She knew Regina had told her once or twice, that it was a way she had bought drugs, by kissing some other person, and she didn't know if Emma was a user. What if she was?

Robin would kill her…

*****

As Emma came inside the bar again, she was quickly met by Ruby and Belle. They both looked worried, even if Belle was probably mostly hurt over Emma's stupid behavior earlier. Ruby was the big sister she always was and pulled the blonde into a tight hug.

“You're making me worried Ems when you just disappear like that. Just please don't forget that we love you,“ the redhead said and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before she met Emma's eyes again.

“Where are my mom and uncle James? I didn't mean to behave like a spoiled brat to them,“ Emma admitted with a sigh but when she saw them wave at her, she relaxed.

“I told them you just needed some air, and well, they ordered some burgers for us so come on now so the food won't get cold,” Ruby said with a grin as Emma glanced over to Belle.

“Sure I'll be right there.. I.. I just need to speak with Belle for a sec.”

Ruby looked dumbfounded, but kissed her girlfriend and quickly left the two friends alone by the bar.

*****

“Look, I'm sorry for my behavior earlier Belle. I.. I didn't mean to snap at you. And especially not, you know, hit you,” Emma said sheepishly, and sighed. “Do you think you can forgive me?“

Belle waved at Killian who poured them a drink and the brunette pushed one of the glasses to Emma, then offered her a gentle smile.

“Of course I'll forgive you, and it's not like I behaved so good either… I mean comparing you to Lily, that was… terrible,“ Belle replied, as she leaned in closer and then added, “But believe me, I won't hesitate to tell Ruby if such a thing  _ ever  _ happens again.”

Emma swallowed hard and nodded. Belle really sounded dangerous with that particular tone in her voice.

“Well, let's just say that we were both idiots and let's call it a truce?“ Emma finally managed to say, trying to joke about this whole situation.

“I'll drink to that. But promise me you won't do anything stupid. Regina is still a married woman.. “ Belle said with a pointed tone. “I just care about you and I don't want your heart to get broken, again.”

“Yeah I know, but it's my heart to break, isn't it?“ Emma said, then downed her drink. Belle reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Just be careful Emma, please.”

*****

Regina's heart ached when as she saw how Kathryn’s mind started to wander. She didn't seem to like Emma, but she knew that was just her way of protecting Regina, or something like that. Or at least that’s what Regina guessed.

“I haven't used if that's what you're wondering about..,” Regina sighed and felt the tears sting in her eyes.

She hated herself for everything she'd put Kathryn through for all these years, but she couldn't help but feel amazed over the fact that Kathryn still stood by her.

Regina didn't understand why though because she could almost not even bare to be around herself when she had her worst periods.

“So what's going on then?“

Regina took a deep breathe and suddenly felt an urge for something alcoholic, but she had promised herself she wouldn't mix that with her medication.

Mostly because it was dangerous and at this moment, simply thinking about that blonde musician, Regina felt a fire burn inside her. She didn't want to end her life, at least not for now. It was an unfamiliar feeling for Regina since she'd been suicidal for as long as she could remember.

“Gina?“

“I kissed her. I kissed Emma,“ the brunette finally admitted and it was scary to say it out loud and she wondered how her only friend would react over hearing this.

She had planned on talking to Kathryn about this whole thing with Robin, but  didn't know how her friend would react over hearing that. Regina hoped desperately that she wouldn't lose her mind.

“You… you kissed her?“ Kathryn asked, with a look full of questions she didn't ask, even if she had witnessed the kiss first hand.

And Regina was thankful for no further questioning, because she probably didn't have the answers. This was as confusing to her as it was to Kathryn, at least.

“Yes. I kissed Emma. And I have never felt so.. alive,“ Regina said with a sigh, then sat down on the couch again. Kathryn was awfully quiet, which made Regina anxious.

She hated situations like this, mostly because she was so bad at ‘reading‘ people. That was a social skill Regina had never been taught.

“I really wish you could drink right now Gina, because we both would so need to in order to not be pissed,” Kathryn chuckled and swung her arm around Regina, making the brunette visibly relax a bit, even if it wasn't much.

Instead Regina wondered what this night would come to mean.

*******

Emma couldn't sleep when she finally laid her head on the pillow. Her mind was going crazy and she was just stirring in her bed, thinking about the brunette that she'd kissed tonight.

She couldn't believe it herself, that she would actually kiss someone who was married. Emma, who herself had been cheated on.

“I'm so fucking stupid..“ she groaned to herself and turned off her night lamp and closed her eyes. Sleep finally came, but so did the nightmares.

_ Emma was in a good mood, because she had decided to surprise Lily tonight, but as soon as she opened the door to their apartment, she got a bad feeling about this whole idea. _

_ The apartment that was usually lit up by either candles or lamps, was dark and when she closed the door, Emma quickly heard mumbling. _

_ “Hello?“ the blonde called out as she hung up her jacket and put down the bags of groceries on the floor. _

_ There was no response, so she walked inside the living room but it was dark too, and the nagging anxiety rose with every breath. _

_ “Emma!“ Lily finally said as she opened the door to the bedroom and closed it quickly. “What are you doing here?“ _

_ Her girlfriend's hair looked like a birds nest and it made Emma even more suspicious, because she didn't even have clothes on, only a blanket wrapped around her body. It seemed odd considering it was not that late in the evening. _

_ “Lily, what are you doing?“ Emma frowned. _

_ “I ehm, nothing.. I just.. I had a headache so I was...uhm, resting,” Lily stuttered, and Emma noticed how she was holding the handle to the bedroom door for dear life. _

_ “Move..“ the younger blonde growled and grabbed the handle. The older blonde shook her head and only gripped the handle harder.  _

_ “I said move!“ Emma added with a hiss. _

_ Before any other more words were said though, the door opened and Emma gasped as she saw a naked woman in front of her. _

_ “Is everything okay baby?“ the girl asked Lily and Emma quickly headed for the door. The tears were stinging in her eyes and Lily ran after her and grabbed her arm. _

_ “Em, it's not what you think. It's.. Please let me explain!“ _

_ The desperation in Lily's voice made Emma even angrier but she stopped and met her eyes, as she gritted her teeth. _

_ “Oh Lily come on! I'm not fucking stupid! You've slept with her, haven't you?“ _

_ “No, I..“ Emma put up her hand up to cut her off. _

_ “Don't… “ she spat and left the apartment, slamming the door behind her. _

_ It wasn't the first time Lily had cheated on her, and sadly, it wouldn't be the last time either. _

_ ****** _

Emma woke up with a scream and flickered on the light with shaking hands. She sat up and pulled her legs to her chin, as she started to cry and hyperventilate.

“What the fuck am I doing…“ she mumbled when the door suddenly opened.

“Ems? Is everything okay? I heard you scream?“ Belle said and the blonde let out a sigh of relief, that it wasn't Ruby who had heard her.

She didn't want her to know about this. It was bad enough that Belle knew, and even that was way too much for Emma to handle.

Their eyes met and Belle didn't need words to understand what Emma was crying and thinking about, so she sat down on the bed and embraced her friend in a tight hug, as she stroked her back.

“Shh, it's okay. I'm here. Let it out, just cry. It's better to let it out,” Belle told her in an attempt to soothe her friend.

****

When Regina woke up the next day, she was in a good mood. She was thinking about Emma, but Kathryn seemed to be on edge, and not at all happy about what had happened yesterday.

She had tried to get Regina to explain, but it had been useless. But she was determined to get it out of her today as Robin and Henry went down to the beach.

“So..” Kathryn said as she sat down next to Regina on the porch. “What is going on?” The brunette let out a sigh, because she knew what her friend meant.

“I assume you're talking about Emma hmm?“

“Don't play stupid Regina,“ Kathryn said with a snarl. “of course I am. And you owe me an explanation.”

“I guess so,” Regina said with a shrug, as her eyes glanced out to the beach where her son was running around and laughing with his father. It was a beautiful sight, but Kathryn brought her back to the harsh reality.

“So, talk to me or else I'll tell Robin what happened.”

Regina froze. She knew Kathryn didn't say anything that she didn't mean and the brunette met her eyes.

“I don't love Robin anymore… maybe I never have, or did, or whatever.”

“I know Gina..“ Kathryn replied and the brunette’s eyebrows shot up.

“What?! You do?“ Regina frowned, not really able to form the words.

“I have known you for years Regina and I think Robin is a wonderful man and father, but he is your best friend, nothing more. And I have known it for years, but I chose to not say it because I didn't want to push you.”

“So.. Now that that's out, what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't just leave him.. And I don't want Henry to lose his father..” Regina shrugged and added, “and especially not for what, a girl I may never meet again? I don't have nothing without Robin.. “

“Oh that's not true. You will always have me Gina,“ Kathryn said with a careful smile as she squeezed her hand. “Just...take it slow and think it through, okay?“

*******

The next day Emma took the car and drove out to the city. She was supposed to meet up with Robin and go over the songs she'd sent him. She was extremely happy, but nervous too. She had never met a record producer in a studio. It was almost unreal..

As she parked her car and went inside the building, she ran into a kid who seemed to be about ten years old. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back

“Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't see where I was going,” Emma said and wondered if she was even on the right floor.

“You're Emma, yes?“ he asked with a grin.

“Yeah, I'm,...what? Yes I'm supposed to meet with Robin Mills.” she stuttered.

“That's my dad!” the kid replied with a proud smirk and grabbed Emma's hand. “He's busy with another artist but you can join me and mom in the meantime. Come on,” he said as he pulled her along.

Emma didn't have a chance to reply before he dragged her with him into a small kitchen like area and there she sat.

_ Regina _ .

Their eyes met and Emma felt her whole body scream after those plump lips again, but she knew she couldn't be  _ that  _ stupid.

And she had promised both herself and Belle to not do anything like that, ever again. Regina was married and Emma could never live with herself if she was the reason a relationship crashed.

_ She didn't want to be like Lily. _

But as Regina smiled at her, it was like magic and the blonde knew she was already falling for her.

“Emma, it’s so nice to see you again,” Regina said politely and the younger woman just shrugged.

“Have you met my mom?“ Henry asked curiously

“Ehm, yeah, she ehm, she saw me at the club yesterday, so ehm, hi,” she said nervously.

Henry was a smart kid, and that scared Regina at the moment. She saw how his brain was working on overdrive, because he noticed the tension in the room.

“Henry, dear, would you be so kind as to get some coffee for us?“ Regina asked and the kid nodded at her and disappeared quickly, making her let out a breath of relief.

“So, ehm, what's up? Or ehm, yeah.” Emma shook her head at herself and Regina chuckled, as the blonde sat down in a chair next to her.

“You don't have to be nervous dear.”

“Ehm, yeah, I know but I am.. “ the blonde shrugged, and lowered her voice. “and especially when I just want to kiss you so badly right now.. You have no idea.”

“Ah Miss Swan! I was about to call you and say I was way behind in my schedule,“ Robin said suddenly and Emma almost fell off the chair.

“Oh, that's not a problem Mr.. ehm Robin,” she replied nervously.

“So, I thought you could take my wife out for lunch, because I promised Henry to let him help me record and I want him to take it slow since it's his first time. If that's okay with you that is? Or else we can book for another day.”

Emma swallowed hard. She knew being alone with Regina was a terrible idea but she quickly heard herself reply,

“Ehm, well, of course...”

******

“It didn't really seem like you wanted to take me out for lunch, Emma,” Regina said as they were seated at their table.

“Of course I wanted to! It's just.. Never mind” the blonde seemed defeated, waved her hand and trailed off.

Regina couldn't help but wonder why Emma seemed so nervous and sad, but she knew she had to watch her words carefully, because she was certain Emma was that kind of a person who could easily leave if pushed too hard.

“Just answer me this then, are you okay at least?“ Regina then asked carefully as she met the younger woman's eyes.

Regina wasn't used to being the one who was calm in a situation such as this, or any other situation for the matter, but she felt amazing for doing so. It broke her heart though, that Emma seemed to be breaking into a millions pieces right in front of her.

“What?“

“I asked if you were okay,” Regina repeated with a gentle smile, and confusion hit her when Emma pulled back when she tried to take her hand in hers, simply to comfort her.

“Yeah ehm, sure. Should we order maybe?“ Emma trailed off again and waved for a waiter.

“You're freaking out over the kiss, aren't you?”

The blonde almost spat out the water she had in her mouth and tugged on her lower lip, unable to form words at the moment, so Regina continued.

“If you are, that's okay because I get that it was just a stupid mistake.. I.. I'm sorry that I brought it up. I will not do so again,” Regina replied, almost on autopilot and opened her menu, trying to hide the fact that she was hurt.

“Hey, look, it's a bit more complicated than that and I don't want to pull you into my dramatic life, because well, it's for the best if you're left out of it...“ Emma said with a shrug.

“And I don't want to be the reason your marriage ends, because I've been in Robin's seat. Meaning I've been the one that's been cheated on and that's fucking awful..“

“You have?“ Regina frowned, and Emma's whole behavior finally made perfect sense to her and she felt terrible for behaving like she'd done.

“I have.. So I would be such a hypocrite if I did that to someone else.. “ Emma sighed and Regina was not far from crying but then she felt Emma's warm hands take hers and it left her a bit confused. “But at the same time I would hate myself if I just let you go.. So yeah, it's fucking with my head…”

“I can't wrap my head around you either. You're so mysterious,“ Regina chuckled.

“Well, you're one to speak, Mrs. Mills,” Emma teased as the waiter came up to their table.

*****

After that short but deep and much needed talk, the lunch was full with laughter and happiness.

Regina hadn't even thought about her medication she had with her in her purse “in case of an anxiety attack” and Emma couldn't get enough of hearing Regina's beautiful voice.

Their hands stayed intertwined under the table and for every minute that passed, they moved closer to each other. When Regina's free hand found its way up Emma's leg, it almost drove the blonde woman crazy.

So instead of screaming out her frustration, Emma stood up and held out her hand for Regina to take. The brunette gave her a curious look but followed suit as Emma lead them to the bathroom.

As soon as they got inside the bathroom stall and locked the door behind them, Emma's lips smashed against Regina's and it was almost an unreal feeling as they became  **_one_ ** .

This time their kisses were not rushed or short. They had the opportunity to take it slow and let them become deep, as deep as they could to make sure they actually were able to taste each other.

_ I'm playing with fire but I couldn't care less  _ Emma thought to herself.

“You're even more delicious than that crazy expensive steak I just ate for lunch,” Emma said with a grin and Regina couldn't help but chuckle.

She saw so much of herself in a way in Emma's eyes and even if they mostly looked innocent, Regina knew there was much more in them, just like there was in her own.

“You haven't told me much about yourself, now that I think about it,” Emma said carefully as her hands gently gripped Regina's arms. The long sleeves had gone up a bit, revealing the brunette’s scarred arms.

This time though, compared to the first time Emma had seen them, in the bars poor lighting, Emma was able to see exactly how big the scars were and how deep some of them were.

Realizing that made Regina freak out, and she was seconds from panicking but before she had the chance to even so much as sigh, Emma pulled her into a hug.

That small hug stopped her head from spinning and it was like all the demons Regina usually had on her shoulders, flew away immediately.

“I don't care about your scars Regina and you don't ever have to cover them up for me, because to me, you're always gonna be beautiful,“ Emma whispered into Regina's ears and as their eyes met again, Regina placed a tender kiss on the blonde's forehead. 

“For such a young rock musician, I have to say you're very sweet.”

‘Well I can be if I want to,” Emma admitted with a shrug. “But you're the first one that has caught my attention since my tragic story with my cheating ex. I never considered the possibility of actually meeting someone again or letting someone in at all.”

“I'm flattered,“ Regina said with a crooked smile when she realized Emma's whole expression in her face changed.

“I don't know what it is about you that makes you so special to me, considering we only met yesterday but.. I can't believe that when I finally find someone like you, someone in a million, she has to have not only a husband but also a kid.. I'm such a terrible person…“

With those words, Emma unlocked the bathroom stall and left in a hurry. Regina knew she had to catch up to Emma because if she didn't, she knew there was a real possibility that she would never see her again.

“Emma, wait,” Regina called out as she was able to grip Emma's muscular arms before the blonde got too far away from her. The touch sent lighting through her whole body and the blonde turned around and met Regina's beautiful eyes.

“You don't want this to go any further,” Emma whispered, as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “It  **can't** go any further. I can't be that person. Please don't make me be that person, Regina. I.. Please.”

“Mom! Emma! There you are,” a voice called out and both women froze.

“Henry, what a wonderful surprise,” Regina said as she embraced her son in a tight hug, keeping a close eye on Emma out of the corner of her eye. The young kid quickly gave Emma a hug too and it broke the blonde woman's heart even more.

“How did it go in the studio, kid?“ Emma asked and tried to ignore the anxiety that crawled under her skin.

“It was so fun! Dad said I could help him record your songs too!” Henry said, bouncing with excitement.

“That's awesome kid,” Emma smiled as Robin joined them. He placed a tender kiss on Regina's forehead and it was almost too painful for her to bare.

They were such a wonderful family and here Robin was giving Emma such a wonderful opportunity, to become something,  _ someone,  _ and how did she thank him?

By fooling around with his wife behind his back.

Emma felt sick to her stomach and quickly ran into the bathroom and puked.

“Is Emma not feeling well?“ Robin asked concerned.

“She's just a bit nervous about the studio time, dear. You remember how terrifying the first times are for these musicians,” Regina replied and Robin chuckled.

“I guess you're right dear. Go tend to her and I'll order us some ice cream in the meanwhile“ Robin said and laid his arm around their son. “Come on Henry.”

*****

“Emma, let me in, please,” Regina said as she stood outside the bathroom stall.

“No,” a shaking voice replied. “I can't see you right now. I can't even see my own reflection at the moment. I'm behaving just like Lily.“

“Now Miss Swan, you listen to me,” Regina said with a stern voice.

“I don't know much about your ex, more than she cheated on you, but you're not a terrible person. If anyone of us is that, it's me. I have a family and I'm the one who's doing this, whatever I shall call it, behind Robin’s back, but please, if you let me inside, I can at least explain something about this, please.”

Then the lock clicked opened. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Have you been crying?“ Regina asked and Emma didn't even meet her eyes, as she pulled her legs up to her chin. She looked so small and Regina could feel the anxiety come off of her in waves.

“I can't do this.. I have to tell Robin I can't do this..“ she mumbled, and then Regina cupped her head in her hands and gently made their eyes meet.

“I don't ever think I've actually been in love with Robin. He's more my best friend, but I've stayed with him because he has done so much for me and he not only gave me a son but also a such wonderful life,” Regina started to say and the blonde’s eyebrows shot up, but she kept quiet, much to Regina's relief, because this was painful to share, and especially to someone who was nothing more than a stranger.

Despite that, she wanted to tell Emma this, because it felt like they had some connection she had never felt with anybody else before and it was absolutely wonderful, but it was also terrifying.

“I'm a fucked up person Emma, and I don't even know where to start, but to make a long story short, I never had a family before Robin showed up. I was a lost girl living on the streets, doing drugs and selling my own body to survive. He saved me from that awful life and I owe him so much..“

The tears started to roll down her cheeks and Emma couldn't hold back her own tears either. She was still not able to speak though.

“I've tried to commit suicide more times than I can remember and Robin has always been there for me and I thought I fell in love with him but now, 11 years later, I know I more fell in love with the concept of having someone who actually cared for me, who didn't want to hurt me or want something from me. And then we had our son. He's my precious diamond and the reason I fight against my demons I have..“

 

“I.. Shit... I.. I feel stupid over my small problems now.. They seem so, insignificant..“ Emma admitted with a groan as Regina placed a timid kiss on her forehead.

“Stop it Emma. I'm not comparing our problems by telling you this, more like hoping you will understand that you're not the terrible person out of us two.. “ Regina sighed and sunk down on the floor next to the blonde and laid her head against her shoulder, then added,

“I've been close relapsing for so long now and I've been freaking out because the thought of wanting to divorce Robin has crossed my mind so many times. And I actually spoke about it for the first time yesterday with Kathryn, who is my only friend, and I don't want this to come out the wrong way but.. I think you're the push I needed to go through with the divorce”

Unfortunately the words freaked Emma out and she flew up and gripped the sink behind her when with sweaty hands.

“You.. You can't be serious right now.. Are you gonna ask for a divorce  **_now_ ** ?”

“Oh no, Emma, not now, maybe not even tomorrow, but soon. And that means that you aren't a terrible person like Lily was, okay?“

*****

Ruby and Belle came to town when Emma was finished recording a couple of her songs. They had heard Emma sing for years but when they heard her on a cd, it was like hearing her for the first time all over again.

“Wow! You sound so.. Wow!“ Ruby stated with a grin and pulled her friend into a tight hug. “I'm so freaking proud of you!“

“And so am I!“ Robin said as he joined the three friends. “I've been in this business for so many years and I can't remember the last time I stumbled over such a gem as dear Emma here. She is absolutely fantastic and believe it or not, but I have hardly touched her songs. She has the voice of a true star.”

“Wow that's so wonderful to hear Robin,“ Belle said with a smile and the man chuckled. 

“I can't thank you enough for telling me about her Belle.”

“You’re embarrassing me, guys, come on, I'm standing right here,” Emma sighed and Ruby gave her shoulder a playful nudge.

“So, I will make some calls and send my colleagues your songs, and then who knows what could happen,” Robin said with a smirk and gave a cd to Emma. “Anyway, thank you for today and thank you for taking my wife out for lunch when I was running behind schedule.“

Them mentioning Regina made Belle Suspicious, but thankfully she was discreet about it, even if Emma could feel her eyes on her.

“Ehm, thanks Mr. Mills. I guess we should go now. Ehm, come on guys,” Emma rushed out and almost dragged Belle and Ruby with her.

Regina saw her leave the studio and she felt her heart ache, wondering when she would be able to see the blonde again.

*****

Ruby was dropped off at work and Emma wasn't pleased about being alone in the car with Belle, because she knew what would happen. And it didn't take more than a few minutes before Belle brought the subject of Regina up.

“I thought you promised me you would not see her again, didn't you?“ Belle snapped. “And yet it didn't take more than 24 hours before you broke that promise!“

“Robin asked me if I would take her out for lunch for fuck’s sake! What was I supposed to do? Refuse?“

“You should have told him no Emma, simple as that! But you didn't. You went out with her and I know you kissed her again… I just hope you're not so stupid that you fucked her…“

“Not that it is any of your business but NO, I didn't fuck her Belle,“ Emma snarled as they parked outside their house. “Can we let this subject go already?”

“It doesn't seem to matter what I say so why should I even bother,” Belle said and slammed the car door shut behind her. “I just hope you're able to handle the consequences of your actions.”

“God, you're sounding just like my mom right now,” Emma spat and grabbed her stuff to run upstairs to hide in her room.

She couldn't hide from her own demons though.


	11. Chapter 11

A couple of days later, Emma went out to her moms house,...mostly because she felt she was suffocating at home. Ruby had noticed the weird tension between Emma and Belle, and as they were making lunch together, Ruby couldn't keep quiet.

“Belle, can I ask you something?“

“Of course, just pass me the salt first,” Belle chuckled and Ruby rolled her eyes, not knowing why she was feeling so nervous. “Ah, there we are. Lunch is done! Now what did you want to ask me Rubes?“

“Well, I just can't help but feel that you and Emma aren't getting along like you usually do, because well, the house is feeling crazy tense.”

Belle sighed and leaned against the kitchen table. Ruby watched her carefully, seeing the chaos shining in her girlfriends eyes.

“Baby, did I say something wrong?“

“No you didn't but.. It's.. I promised Emma to keep quiet and you know I can't break a promise..“ Belle said with a shrug and Ruby quirked an eyebrow.

“I know but still.. Emma has fled to her mom’s and when she's home, she's always up in her room. We never hang out anymore and I can't take this. Please Belle, please tell me what's going on.”

The desperation in Ruby's voice broke Belle’s heart.

“Alright, I’ll tell you but I swear I will smash your car if you tell her I told you this. Deal?”

“Deal,” Ruby replied as she stood up and laid her arms on Belle’s shoulders.

“You remember that woman Emma spoke with at the club? The brunette bombshell, in your own words?”

“Yeah? I remember her. How come?“

“Well, Emma has been fooling around with her and.. “ Belle began to say but was cut off by an over excited Ruby.

“She has?! That's awesome!“ Ruby smiled but as Belle shook her head, the smile disappeared. “Isn't it?“ she added with a frown.

“No, it's everything but awesome because that brunette bombshell is none other than Regina Mills, the music producer Robin Mill’s wife.”

“Oh shit… “

“Precisely.. “

*****

“Oh, I can't get enough of your songs Emma. Your father would have been so proud!“ Mary said with a proud grin but her daughter just shrugged.

“Emma Swan, what's wrong?“

“Nothing. I'm just.. tired. That's all,” the blonde replied, but her mother didn't let her off the hook that easily.

“You're not just tired. I'm your mother and I'm the last person you can lie to. So come now, let's go and open a bottle of wine and talk, shall we?“

Emma rolled her eyes but did as she was told and sunk down onto the couch. Her mind was spinning and all she wanted to do was to scream even if there wasn't any reasoning behind it.

She just felt how her grip around her world was slipping and at the same time, how this thing with Regina was creating a wedge between her and Belle.

If she didn’t do anything about that last thing soon, Emma knew she would be forced to find another place to live and where would that be?

She didn't make enough money for a place like their house, which meant Emma would have to move into a shitty little apartment in town that would drive her absolutely crazy.

Her other option was to move into her mom's house again but that would mean she would have to buy a car to be able to go back and forth to work and pay for gas, and that wasn't possible.

Her whole life was turned upside down because of Regina and it was ten times worse than the whole circus with Lily.

“I don't know where to start mom.. “ Emma sighed as her mother grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Just take your time, dear and remember, I can never be angry with you, whatever this thing that may be troubling you is.”

“This would make even you want to kill me,” Emma forced the words out.

“Just tell me.”

“Well, I'm fooling around with this woman…“ Emma began to say as the tears stung in her eyes. “And I think I have fallen head over heels for her as well… “

“Why would I be angry with you about that? It's wonderful!“ Mary said with a smile. “Isn't it?“

“It could have been. If this woman hadn't been married to the music producer.. “

Hearing that last sentence made Mary drop her glass and as it connected with the floor, it shattered into a millions pieces, and that was kinda of how Emma felt. She was slowly breaking apart too.

“You have to stop, Emma!“ Mary snapped, and it was probably the first time the blonde had ever heard her mother sound so harsh. “You can't throw away this opportunity Robin is giving you because of….I can't even say it! You just have to stop!“

“I wish it was that easy mom!“

“It's easy! Just don't ever speak to her again! Don't so much as look at her! Because you won't be able to handle the consequences Emma!“ Mary scolded her daughter.

“You don't have to talk to me like I'm some kind of stupid teenager!“

“You're certainly behaving like one! And how the hell can you do something like this, when you yourself have been cheated on! Or have you forgotten what happened with Lily?“

“Drink your stupid wine alone. I'm not in the mood,” Emma snarled and left the room.

*****

“Mom?“ Henry asked as he popped his head into his parent’s bedroom at the beach house. Regina had been a bit low again and had kept to herself for the last couple of days, and Henry always kept on his toes when she did that.

He just loved her so much and Robin had even been with her more than he used to and even if Regina appreciated it, she felt terrible because she was debating herself about the whole thing with the divorce and thinking about Emma…

As soon as Regina's eyes met Henry's, all those thoughts disappeared because she realized her son was looking sad. Her motherly instincts awoke and she patted on the bed to indicate for him to come sit beside her. He nodded, closed the door behind him and cuddled close to her as she stroked his hair.

“Have you been crying?“ she asked, a lump forming in her own throat.

“No.. Well, kinda. Well, yes.. I.. I'm scared mom,“ Henry stuttered and Regina could feel the fear in his voice. He sounded so small. He had never sounded so fragile as he did now. What could have made him this upset?

“Why are you scared?“ Regina asked and her voice broke.

“I'm scared because I'm worried that you don't like dad and me anymore.. “

“Henry Mills, look at me,” Regina said as they sat up in the bed. “I will never love anyone more than you or your father. And I mean that. Okay?“

The young child just shrugged.

“Why on earth would you even think something like that?“

“Well.. It’s because of that woman Emma Swan.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used :
> 
> Green day - Still Breathing
> 
> Crush - Jennifer Paige

Emma groaned as her phone buzzed. She had been living at her mom’s house for the last couple of days, and they both tiptoed around each other, trying to pretend that the fight about Regina had never taken place. It was not optimal, but Emma was just happy she didn't have to talk about it.

She longed for her home though, her _own_ room and safe place, but Emma didn't know if she had it in her to actually go back there, at least not for now.

Emma didn't even know what she should to about this fucking situation. She just wanted to call Ruby, but she was afraid that it would only make matters worse.

It drove Emma absolutely mad but at this moment, she was just happy to have a roof over her head.

The phone continued to buzz, and even if she at first tried to ignore it, she soon enough realized it was useless. The blonde gritted her teeth and answered with a sleepy and raspy voice.

“Ehm, hello?“

“Is this Emma I've reached?“

“Yeah.. “ she replied with a yawn, then rubbed her eyes.

“Hello then my dear! It's Robin Mills and I'm sorry if I woke you up but I have wonderful news!“ he said and Emma nearly fell off her bed and dropped the phone on the floor. _You stupid idiot_ she thought to herself as she reached for the phone again.

“Sorry, the phone slipped out of my hand Robin,” she said, cursing herself for being so clumsy. “So, what news do you have?“

Emma didn't like the tone she had in her own voice since she sounded bitchy, but she was tired and on the edge of breaking down completely. Thankfully, Robin just took it as she was newly awoken.

“No problems my dear,“ he chuckled. He was such a sweet and beautiful man, which only made Emma feel worse. Here he was being sweet and helpful, and how did she thank him? Well, by fooling around with his wife behind his back. _I'm almost more terrible than Lily ever was…_ Emma thought to herself as she shook her head.

“Anyhow, I've booked you for a gig this Saturday if you can make it, which I of course hope for!“

“A gig?“ Emma gasped. She had never played at any other place than the sleazy bar she worked in, so this was huge. She would do almost anything to make it, but she knew Killian never let the girls change their schedules. She guessed she would have to beg Ruby for help. Killian was too scared of Ruby to say no to her if she asked about this, so that was an option.

“Yes, and it is a bit different than you are used to. It's with a small group of people who play both guitar and drums, so the only thing you have to do is sing. Are you interested?“.

“Of course! Yes of course. Wow. I.. I can't even find the words!“

“I'm happy to hear that Emma,“ Robin replied and Emma could feel the happiness he felt through the phone, and it made her smile.

“I'll keep in touch because I would like for you guys to play together in the studio some day before then, just to make sure you are a good match, even if I do know you could sing alongside anyone with that amazing voice or yours, but I'll call you later with the details yes?“

“Of course, that...that sounds good,” Emma replied, almost mesmerized. This felt like a dream.

“And hey before I hang up with you, I had another question!“

“Okay?“ Emma hesitantly asked.

“I've promised my son I would take him out on the boat over night and I would be happy if you could stay home with my wife because well, she doesn't do good alone.“

Emma suddenly forgot how to speak.

“I know it's an odd request Emma, but it would mean the world to me. My wife just doesn't do well on her own and her friend Kathryn, who usually keeps her company, is unfortunately away on business and well, I guessed you were a good option since my wife seems to have taken a liking to you.“

“Ehm, sure. I guess I could do dinner and yeah.. There is just one problem.”

“And that is?“

“I'm at my moms and she doesn't own a car and neither do I. I simply can't afford it with my low salary..“

“Oh nonsense. Send me your address in a text and I'll make my driver pick you up. Shall we say, around five?“

“Sounds good, I ehm, guess.”

“Oh you're an angel!“ Robin said and smiled as he hung up. Emma sunk down on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chin.

Why hadn't she just said no? Why did she keep digging her own grave deeper and deeper? Sadness and anxiety washed over her so she reached for her guitar to play, hoping it would calm down her tense nerves.

**I'm like a child looking off on the horizon** ****  
**I'm like an ambulance that's turning on the sirens** ****  
**Oh, I'm still alive** ****  
**I'm like a soldier coming home for the first time** ****  
**I dodged a bullet and I walked across a landmine** **  
** **Oh, I'm still alive**

****  
**Am I bleeding am I bleeding from the storm?** ****  
**Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away** ****  


**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  
**Making my way away** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  


**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  
**Making my way away** ****  
**My way to you** ****  
**I'm like a junkie tying off for the last time** ****  
**I'm like a loser that's betting on his last dime** ****  


**Oh, I'm still alive** ****  
**I'm like a son that was raised without a father** ****  
**I'm like a mother barely keeping it together** ****  
**Oh, I'm still alive** ****  
**Am I bleeding, am I bleeding from the storm?** ****  


**Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  


**Making my way away** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  
**Making my way, away, away** ****  


**As I walked out on the ledge** ****  
**Are you scared to death to live?** ****  
**I've been running all my life** ****  
**Just to find a home that's for the restless** ****  
**And the truth that's in the message** ****  
**Making my way, away, away** ****  


**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  


**Making my way away** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  


**Making my way, away, away** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing** ****  
**'Cause I'm still breathing on my own** ****  
**My head's above the rain and roses** ****  
**Making my way, away** **  
** **My way to you**

******

“So, are you excited about going away with your father on the boat for the night, Henry?“ Regina asked as she did the dishes and her son wiped off the counters. He had been in a much better mood after their talk the other day, even if it had been hard for both of them.

_“Why would you have to worry because of Emma? I don't understand,“ Regina frowned._

_She knew her son was smart but he couldn't have possibly figured out by just some simple looks that she had feelings for Emma, now could he?_

_And did she actually have feelings for that blonde woman? Regina hadn't even let herself think about that, too afraid of what she would discover._

_Regina still had her family and would always have them even if she divorced Robin. But now as she saw her son so fragile and scared, she felt terrible._

_Both for the reason for being the one who would split them up but also over the fact that she'd been fooling around with Emma behind Robin's back. It wasn't okay in any way, whatsoever._

_And how could Regina even do such a thing? Especially to a man who had saved her life numerous times and given her the whole äworld._

_“I don't know.. I just.. I saw how you two looked at each other and I just.. I got this feeling,” Henry shrugged and Regina bit her lip to fight back the tears in her eyes._

_“My dear, you have absolutely nothing to worry about, I promise you that.”_

_“I just want you to be happy mom and if that isn't a thing you are with dad, you shouldn't stay with him._

_Regina's jaw dropped to the floor. Her son was so sweet and grown up, and since he didn't seem to judge, Regina could easily tell the truth. But she didn't. It was too scary for her. At least for now. Right?_

_“Mom, you always said we shouldn't lie to each other, remember?“_

_“Well, of course not but..“ Regina began to say but stopped as her voice cracked._

_“And you know how I've promised you that I will never, ever, ever tell dad if you tell me something in confidence?” Henry said with a gentle smile, and Regina couldn't help but smile through her tears as she dried her eyes, then gave her son a nod._

_“What did I ever do to have such a smart son? You're so much like your father,” Regina chuckled._

_“I'm more like you than you think mom,” Henry said as he nudged her shoulder, then laid his head against her. “So, what is going on with that Emma Swan?“_

_Regina let out a big sigh and wondered what she should say. At first she thought about lying but since Henry was so sweet and understanding, Regina knew she couldn't lie straight to his face, so another sigh escaped her lips before she spoke up._

_“Henry.. I.. I can't put it in words, not easily, but I love your father and I always will but.._

_“It's okay mom, you can take your time,” Henry reassured her._

_“I don't ever think I've loved you father like he loves me. He's more like my best friend. And Emma, I, I just feel this connection with her.”_

_“So you wanna live with her?“ Henry asked as he sat up and met his mother's puzzled eyes._

_“That's too early to say, dear.. But I will never take you away from your father. You will live with him as you will with me. That's something we just have to figure out.”_

_“I'm just happy as long as you are happy, mom.”_

_*******_

Emma was relieved that her mother was out so she just left a note about being away for the day. And as the driver pulled up outside the house and honked, she took a last look in the mirror.

She had chosen a black leather jacket she'd inherited from her father, along with a pair of red tight pants and her beloved and worn out Doc Martens.

“Welcome Miss Swan,” a well dressed gentleman in his late 50s said as he opened the door for her. Emma smiled at him and jumped in, feeling almost like an important rockstar as he closed the door behind her.

The drive took a couple of hours and when they were there, the driver opened the door to let her out, and Emma gasped. In front of her laid a beautiful, old beach house. She didn't dare to think about how expensive this had to be.

She thanked the driver and walked up the stairs onto the front porch, and didn't even get the chance to open the front door before Regina had opened it. Her brown long hair was put up in a beautiful ponytail and she was wearing a dark blue dress that showed off her curves perfectly. So perfectly that Emma got lost in her own world.

“Cat got your tongue?“ Regina chuckled and Emma shrugged before she was let inside. The house was even more beautiful on the inside and the hallway made her smile like a kid in a candy store.

“I see you like my guitar collection, hmm?“ Robin asked kindly and Emma nodded eagerly. She didn't remember all of the guitars her father once had in his collection but many of these resembled them. It was art to her and Emma felt privileged to just look at them.

“Oh I do. They are really beautiful Robin.”

“Feel free to use any of them when you're here visiting,” he replied with a gentle smile. “My wife always loved hearing me play on them but I don't have the time for that as it is for the moment and it would feel good for the old musician that I am, to know they would come down from the wall once in a while.”

“You can't be serious!?“ Emma gasped. She had learned from an early age that a guitar was something holy and dear, and nothing like that was shared.

She still remembered those times when she had been only a kid and she would sneak into her father's music room just to play, and Emma still could hear him yelling at her. Even if he never did it with the intention of being mean, he always did it with a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh I never say anything I don't mean,” Robin winked before he left the two women alone. Emma glanced back at the guitar collection and Regina walked up to her side.

“I always loved hearing Robin play on that one,” Regina said as she pointed to a old western type of guitar. It was a Fender, which would always be Emma's favorite bran.

“If you cook for me, I will gladly play for you,” Emma said with a bright smile gracing her delicate features.

“Deal. Now come, and let me show you the rest of the house,” Regina said as she held out her hand for Emma to take. The blonde hesitated, not sure if that was a smart idea to do so, but Regina offered her a gentle smile.

“I'm not forbidden from holding your hand even if I'm still married for the moment,” Regina whispered and grabbed Emma's hand. As soon as they felt the touch of each other again, everything else around them simply disappeared.

It was just them. In the whole world.

*****

Henry and Robin left soon after Emma had come and when the two women were alone in the house, the blonde relaxed, and so did Regina. It was like it was easier to breathe in the house all of a sudden.

The second floor held a master bedroom, Henry's bedroom, a guest room and a bathroom. The windows showed a beautiful view of the beach and Emma was lost for words once again.

The first floor was huge and light, with both a back and front porch. The windows were even bigger than the ones that had been on the second floor and they also held an even more wonderful view of the beach.

“You have a wonderful home Regina,” Emma said mesmerized as they went out to take a seat in the dining room.

“Thank you Emma, but this isn't our permanent home, it's just our little summer paradise,“ Regina said with a shrug as she turned around to start fixing the food.

“You don't live here permanently? Wow. You guys have to be loaded to afford this.”

“My husband is, I don't have a penny to my name. Or well, I wouldn't if it hadn't been for him,“ Regina said with a crooked smile and Emma scolded herself for choosing those words. She had to be the clumsiest person when it came to talking. Or anything at all.

“I didn't.. I didn't mean that, I didn't. Fuck. I didn't mean to upset you,” Emma trailed off nervously.

Regina studied Emma using the eyes in the back of her head as she started to chop the salad. She didn't understand why Emma seemed to tiptoe around her as she did. It wasn't like it was Emma who did anything wrong and they weren’t doing anything now, more than talking. And that wasn't forbidden. 

“Go take one of the guitars and walk out to the porch, I'll be right there,” Regina said carefully and Emma quirked an eyebrow.

“What?“

Regina walked up to the nervous and tense blonde and cupped her face in her hands, then pressed her lips against Emma's. As they parted, Emma kept her eyes closed awhile longer, with a goofy smile.

“I'll ehm, see you outside then.. “ Emma cleared her throat and trailed off as she opened her eyes, then walked away from the kitchen to grab the guitar Regina had told her was her favorite.

*****

When Regina came out on the porch, she stopped in the doorway and smiled as she heard Emma's singing. It was absolutely beautiful.

**Ah, crush, ah** ****  
**I see ya blowin' me a kiss** ****  
**It doesn't take a scientist** ****  
**To understand what's going on, baby** ****  
**If you see something in my eye** ****  
**Let's not over analyze** **  
** **Don't go too deep with it, baby (baby)**

****  
**So let it be what it'll be** ****  
**Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me** ****  
**Here's what I'll do** ****  
**I'll play loose** **  
** **Not like we have a date with destiny**

****  
**It's just a little crush (crush)** ****  
**Not like I faint every time we touch** ****  
**It's just some little thing (crush)** ****  
**Not like everything I do depends on you** **  
** **Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la**

****  
**It's raising my adrenaline** ****  
**You're banging on a heart of tin** ****  
**Please don't make too much of it, baby (baby)** ****  
**You say the word "forevermore"** ****  
**That's not what I'm looking for** **  
** **All I can commit to is "maybe" (maybe)**

****  
**So let it be what it'll be** ****  
**Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me (crazy over you and me)** ****  
**Here's what I'll do** ****  
**I'll pay loose** **  
** **Not like we have a date with destiny**

****  
**It's just a little crush (crush)** ****  
**Not like I faint every time we touch** ****  
**It's just some little thing (crush)** ****  
**Not like everything I do depends on you** **  
** **Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la**

****  
**Vanilla skies (vanilla skies)** ****  
**White picket fences in your eyes** ****  
**A vision of you and me** ****  
**It's just a little crush (crush)** ****  
**Not like I faint every time we touch** ****  
**It's just some little thing (crush)** ****  
**Not like everything I do depends on you** **  
** **Sha-la-la-la**

****  
**Not like I faint every time we touch** ****  
**It's just some little thing** ****  
**Not like everything I do depends on you** ****  
**Sha-la-la-la** ****  
**Not like I faint every time we touch** ****  
**It's just some little thing** ****  
**Not like everything I do** **  
** **Depends on you**

Emma suddenly heard a sound and opened her eyes to see Regina standing in the doorway, with a beaming smile on her lips. She was certain that her father would have looked the same if he could see her now.

“You're an amazing singer Emma,“ Regina whispered, as the blonde put away the guitar and patted the seat next to her, to tell her to share her company.

It didn't take more than mere seconds before Emma's arm swung around Regina and the brunette quickly snuggled close to her. She let out a big sigh of relief. Emma's closeness made her relax in a way nothing or nobody else did.

“You're beautiful too, and I'm happy you didn't feel the need to cover up your arms today.”

“I guess I took to heart what you said the last time, about my scars,” Regina said calmly. She didn't even feel this comfortable together with Kathryn, but then again, there was something special with Emma she couldn't put her finger on. There just was something about her whole presence.

“I know what little you told me at the restaurant, but if you want to tell me more about your life, I'm here to listen.“

Regina glanced out over the beach and cleared her throat. The only thing she was unsure about, was where to start.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Regina tensed up even though she felt safe with Emma. There was just something about opening up like that, to share something that personal. Not even Kathryn knew everything there was to know about her background.

Robin was the only person, but mostly because he had read all of her journals from all her trips to the psychiatric clinics. But then again, why should she not tell Emma her backstory? She already knew a few bits and pieces.

“I'm a former foster kid. To begin with something. And believe me, only that is hard to talk about..“ she bit out and Emma reached down in her pocket to offer Regina a cigarette, but that was quickly turned down. 

“And I'm sober from all kind of drugs. Even cigarettes,“ she added and Emma nodded carefully.

“You seem to have gone through Hell and I don't even know half of it. Haven't you?“

“It depends on how you see it,” Regina shrugged and stood to her feet, then walked up to the rail where she put her arms. Emma followed suit but instead of standing next to her, she took a stand behind Regina and laid her arms around her waist, then pressed a timid kiss against the neck of the brunette.

“I can't get a grip on how comfortable you make me feel. Not even Robin can make me feel this way and we've been married for over 11 years,” Regina whispered, as it was painful to say out loud. Because nobody should make her feel like this, expect for Robin. Not a young and mysterious blonde woman.

“I guess we're both broken, you and I, even if it's in different ways,” Emma replied as she placed two more kisses to Regina's neck, making the brunette shiver from pleasure.

Light fingertips brushed against Regina's arms and usually she pulled away from such a touch, but not this time. She instead followed Emma's fingers and as they stopped at different scars, she told Emma where she'd got them and how they had impacted her life.

“That's from the first time I tried to take my own life by slitting my right wrist. I think I was around 18.. “ the words hardly had the chance to leave Regina's lips before she started to cry. It was so many years ago, but still she remembered it so well. It was a day she still had nightmares about.

_ Regina had been out all day, begging for money, for food or at least shelter, but everyone and everywhere, had turned her down, thrown away and spat on. She was a street rat and treated as such. Nothing more. Nothing less. _

_ She shivered in the cold wind and the snow didn't help. Her fingers were almost blue and her legs hardly carried her since she hadn't eaten for days. _

_ The town laid deserted because it was the day before Christmas Eve and only a few days until Regina's birthday, not that that last thing mattered that much. She didn't celebrate because, what was there to celebrate? Regina was a mistake, and she had been given up only minutes before she'd been born, then placed in foster care. Sometimes Regina wondered if the doctors even had the chance to cut the umbilical cord before she was ripped away from her mother's arms. _

_ Had that mother not even wanted her or had she'd been forced to give her up? Regina didn't know and it was probably for the best. She told herself it was better to believe her mother had been forced to give up her, and that she at least had been loved for those few minutes she spent in her mother's arms before being taken away. _

_ A sigh escaped Regina's lips as she stood outside that house she'd promised herself to never go back to. But it was either this or nothing and her whole body was aching from the cold. _

_ “Just one night Regina. Just bare it for one night..” the teenager told herself as she knocked on the door. It wasn’t more than a few minutes before an old and drunk man opened the door with a evil grin on his face which made Regina's stomach churn. _

_ “Well well, if it isn't the little whore. Back so soon?“ he snarled and Regina bit her lower lip. She hated to be back here but this was the only option she had, and it was far too cold to sleep outside. Had it been any other season, she would have gladly slept in a dark alley. Anywhere but here. But she didn't have any other choice right now. _

_ “Please Leopold, I don't have anywhere else to go.. And I'm out of money, please. I’m begging you.” _

_ He laughed as he gripped her by her neck and  pressed so hard that she almost couldn't breathe. Thankfully the only person Leopold listened to was home, a sweet girl named Aurora, that unfortunately was so deep in her drug addiction and even more sadly, that Leopold was not only her pimp, but also her uncle. It was a terrible situation to say at least.  _

_ “Let go of her you idiot! You're choking her, you asshole,“ Aurora snapped and the man rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. The young girl stood frozen to the ground, too scared to even blink. _

_ “You're lucky she's home, you whore,” he hissed before he went inside to his beloved beer bottles that stood on the table in the living room. “Well let her inside already and close the goddamn door! It's fucking cold!“ he added with a growl. _

_ “Just shut the fuck up Leo, will ya!“ Aurora shot back, only receiving a grunt as a reply from the old man, before she held out her hand for Regina to take. “Let's find you some warm clothes baby,” she added with a gentle smile as Regina nodded to her and walked inside. _

_ The house was a mess, and absolutely disgusting but it was warm and she knew she could sleep with both her eyes closed for a change. Aurora was not many years older than herself but due to her hard drug abuse, she looked almost twice her age. She and Regina had crossed paths a couple of times over the years and for some reason Aurora felt the need to protect the lost brunette girl. _

_ “Here we go. It's not much but the bed is at least newly made. I changed it this morning and don't you worry about Leo. He won't dare to touch you when I'm home. And you remember my room is next to this one, yeah?“ _

_ “This is too much. I can do with a simple mattress and a blanket. That's more than I'm used to,” Regina said with a shrug. She hated to ask for help, and didn't really understand why Aurora even felt such a big responsibility for her. It wasn't like Regina could pay her anything or even repay her kindness. _

_ “Don't worry babe, just, you know, pay it forward to some other poor soul someday, that's enough for me,“ Aurora said with a reassuring smile. “Anyway, are you hungry? I think there is some pizza in the fridge from the other day.” _

_ Regina quickly declined. _

_ “You don't have a joint? I could use it to get a good night's sleep for once, if that's not too much to ask.” _

_ “You know I have one baby. Let me get it for ya.” _

_ Regina grinned as the first hit was taken and she felt her whole body relax, and how the warmth embraced her like the best blanket she'd ever had wrapped around herself. Sadly the wonderful feeling quickly changed and instead she got paranoid and anxious. Her closed eyes snapped open and the whole room was spinning. _

_ Regina's stomach churned and she ran to the bathroom, and her balance almost failed her as she stumbled into the filthy room. The floor was filled full of garbage and dirty needles but Regina's eyes quickly found what she sought. _

_ A razor blade. _

_ Little did she care that it was also dirty, she just needed to feel something else and pressed the blade against her skin. And as soon as the blood started to flow down her arm, she sunk down on the floor, her head against the bathtub that couldn't have been cleaned nor used for years. _

_ Soon enough her whole wrist was slit, and Regina's vision started to become blurry. For any other person panic would have set in, but not for her. Instead she felt a smile spread on her lips, as the thought of possibly dying found its way to her brain. Seconds later though, a gruff caught her attention. _

_ “You stupid idiot.. “ Leopold snarled as he scooped up the skinny girl in his arms, then added “Aurora, call the damn ambulance!“ _

Regina stopped to catch her breath but she was shaking almost uncontrollably at the moment but Emma seemed as calm as ever.

“I need my medication…“ the brunette stuttered. “it's.. It's inside.“

Emma reacted quickly and scooped Regina up in her arms. As she carried her she placed gentle kisses against her forehead.

“Where is it baby? Can you point to it at least?“

“It's in my bag, in my nightstand,” the brunette managed to say and she couldn't help but be amazed that Emma was able to carry her upstairs. As they reached the bed, the blonde gently put her down, then reached for the small bag on the nightstand.

She grabbed two pills and opened the water bottle before she gave it to Regina. She was in some way thankful that Ruby had had anxiety issues so she didn't freak out about this happening. Instead she kept calm and helped Regina to lay down.

“You want me to leave you alone?“ she asked carefully, almost in a whisper but Regina shook her head. “Okay, it's okay. I'll stay with you, it's gonna be okay. I promise. Just breathe, in and out. In and out. That's okay darling, in and out.”

Regina snuggled close to Emma who had embraced her protectively, almost like a lioness defending her only cub. It was a unfamiliar feeling to the blonde, since she had never been in such a position. She had never protected anyone or been protected like this. Hardly ever held. Did she feel sad, she just withdrawn from the world.

She even did so with Lily. And well, Lily had been her only long time relationship and all others Emma had been with had been simple one nightstands and those she had hoped for, those persons had turned to devils in the end.

A shiver ran along her spine as she thought about it, but her mind didn't have the chance to wonder too long because when Regina started to breath normally, she felt herself relax and when Regina turned around to lay on her side, Emma turned around to spoon her.

Regina's perfume smelled wonderful and she snuggled as close as she could, making the brunette giggle.

“I didn't know you were that strong,“ she said as she enjoyed Emma's closeness that she'd drawn safety and strength from.

“I'm full of secrets baby,” the blonde chuckled as she tightened her grip around the brunette, and when Regina let out a big breath of relief, Emma guessed she'd fallen asleep.

“And my biggest secret is that I'm falling in love with you… “ she whispered.

Little did she know, that Regina still was awake. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To begin with, I want to say I'm so sorry for the wait but here you finally have a new chapter even if it's short. I hope you guys will still be with me to the end because I love this story but my life is crazy and the writers block is lurking around too.
> 
> Anyway, here we go!

When Emma blinked her eyes open, she frowned as she realized she was alone in the king size bed. She felt the panic set in as she almost tripped over herself, standing up too fast for her newly awoken body to handle, but as soon as the scent of food made its way to Emma's nose, the blonde felt a smile appear on her lips as calmness washed over her instead.

She tiptoed downstairs and when she reached the kitchen, she stopped a second in the doorway to study Regina and almost blushed as she turned around.  _ God her eyes are so beautiful  _ the blonde thought to herself.

“Ah, Emma, I was just about to wake you up” Regina said, then added, “The food is ready and I've set the table up out on the back porch.”

“Oh, I should have helped you. I didn't mean to sleep like some slob.. “ Emma said with a pout, which made Regina chuckle.

Emma's behavior was like a mirror image of Henry so much at the moment she thought as she walked up to the blonde and pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

“It's okay my beautiful savior, but if it makes you feel any better, you can help me carry the water and the bowl of salad, that's what's left.”

“Yes ma'am,“ Emma replied with a radiant smile.

Regina hadn't made anything special to eat, but Emma behaved like it was the best food she'd ever tasted, gulping it down like a hungry dog.

The older woman couldn't help but study her, while sipping on her water and when Emma realized she was indeed being watched, she swallowed what she had in her mouth quickly and let out a laugh, that more sounded like some kind of snort.

“I didn't mean to eat like some pig. But I can't remember the last time I ate something that wasn't a sandwich.”

Regina quirked an eyebrow and wondered why. She was too ashamed to ask, but Emma continued thankfully, so she didn't have to.

“I've been living at my mom's place for the last couple of days and we had this fight, so I don't leave my room more than necessary and when we accidentally do bump into each other in the kitchen, I just grab the fastest thing I can.”

“But I thought you lived with your friends?“

“Oh I do, but uhm, it's well, it's complicated right now.. “

The brunette run her fingers through her hair, and a sigh escaped her lips.

“Let me guess, it's because of me?“

“Well, I.. “ Emma saw the sadness in Regina's eyes and she would  **hate** for that anxiety to explode into yet another panic attack for the brunette, so she left her seat and kneeled down in front of Regina, then took her hands in hers and kissed her knuckles.

“Belle kinda saw us kiss that night actually, when we first met, you and I... And that lead to her and me having a huge fight about it.

I actually lost my mind totally and gave her a bitch slap and believe me, I have never lost my temper like that. Not with my friends at least.. Because the fights I had with my ex Lily were well, another matter,” Emma said and she felt how every word she uttered, only made everything wound even worse, but she refused to let her fear show, and took a calming breathe before she continued, hoping she wasn't digging her own grave.

“I apologized for my idiotic behavior of course but things have been tense and weird between me and Belle since. And Ruby, well, she doesn't know because I don't want her to. I don't want people poking around in my personal life. So I choose the easy way out by kinda moving to my mom for awhile..”

“I see.. So what happened between your mother and you then, if you don't mind me asking?“

“well, we had a fight as well, and she absolutely lost it when I told her about you.. or well, not you per say, but that you were married to the music producer. She told me to end it immediately and since then we have acted like it never happened, which I know is just stupid…” Emma said with a shrug as she stroked Regina's fingers.

She nudged the wedding ring and their eyes met, neither sure about what to feel or say right now.

“I never meant to make your life such a mess Emma. I'm.. I'm sorry,” Regina said as she wrapped her arms around herself, and Emma studied her closely. She felt the anxiety starting all over again and it broke her heart.

“My life was more chaotic when I was together with Lily. Believe me,“ Emma said and when she finally realized what she'd actually said, she cleared her throat, then added, “But that's another story, since I mean, ehm, we're not together.. I mean, you and I…“

Regina leaned back in the chair, blinking away the tears in her eyes. Emma's words were true but painful. She just wished everything was different. But then again, that had always been the story of her life, hadn't it? Wishing it could be easy?

“Look. I've learned something by being through hell and back, and that is that everything that happens, does so for a reason. Or at least that's what I've told myself in order to survive,“ the brunette said as her eyes glanced out over the water again. 

It was too painful to meet Emma's eyes at the moment. And Emma, well, she sat like she was frozen to the ground, stroking Regina's legs with a gentle touch, before she spoke up.

“I guess. But that's not easy to live with either, I mean, if you really think about it… Take me for example. I lost my dad when I was only a kid due to this terrible car accident and my mom almost lost our house because of it, and was close ending up on the streets with me.. So, I’m sorry but I still can't see a reason as to why that happened, not even after all these years,” Emma barked out.

“Well, had I not endured all those terrible things I went through, I never would have met Robin that night. And I would never given birth to Henry. Or even met you.”

The brunette leaned forward and was about to kiss Emma but the blonde pulled back and stood to her feet. Regina was confused by the reaction but she didn't need to ask why Emma had done what she did, her eyes asked that question for her.

“So is this what we're gonna do Regina? Steal kisses behind your husbands back? I.. Shit. I can't do this!“

Emma turned around and was just about to leave, when Regina's hand grabbed her arm, making her whirl around.

“Oh I know you can,” Regina said, with amusement in her voice.

“And how the hell do you know that!?“ Emma snapped.

“Because I heard what you said earlier. When you thought I was asleep.“

“You… you did?“ Emma stuttered, her anger dissipating in mere seconds.

“Yes. And to make things a little easier for you, I would love for you to invite both Belle and Ruby over,” Regina said, leaving the blonde with her mouth agape, not certain how to respond to what she had just heard.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry for the wait but my life is crazy at the moment, and not in the good way... But thankfully I was able to at least get this done and I feel happy with it. Hope you will like it to.
> 
> Rock on!

Ruby had just come home from the store and hardly even had the chance to get out of her car before her phone buzzed. She rolled her eyes and answered without looking at the caller ID, as she was sure it was Belle.

“God baby, I just parked the car outside. So you'll…”

“Hey Rubes, it's me…,“ Emma said as she cut the redhead off. Ruby almost gasped because she hadn't heard so much as a sound from her best friend for what felt like ages. So getting a call this late, made her worry that something terrible was wrong.

“Em?! Are you okay?“

“Yeah I am… kinda… anyway, do you have the time to speak for a second?“

“Sure, of course!“

“Thanks.. So ehm, anyway.. I mainly called you to say well.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for not telling you what was going on and just choosing the easy way out by running off to my mom’s. You deserve to know, more than anyone because well.. you're like my sister..,” Emma said and the redhead leaned against her car, nervously biting her lip. Emma was talking in riddles right now.

“You're scaring me. What's actually going on?“

“Well, do you remember that brunette you called a bombshell awhile ago?“

“Yeah, I do. How come?“

“Because, well, I kissed her that night at the club and Belle saw us. She lost her mind and so did I. Things turned sour and I behaved like an asshole,” Emma finally admitted and she could almost see Ruby's nostrils flare and her eyes turning dark.

If she could, she would probably give Emma a punch for what she was about to hear, so the blonde guessed it was better to say it over the phone than face to face…

“And what did you do then?“ Ruby asked through gritted teeth.

“I kinda gave Belle a bitch slap.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!“ Ruby screamed, which made Belle open the door in sheer panic, but Ruby just waved her off, so Belle nodded and closed the door again, even if she stood and watched her closely from the window. She was wondering what the hell was going on.

“I just snapped, but in my defense, your girlfriend compared me to Lily..“ Emma huffed.

“Well okay, that's wasn't really nice but then again, aren't you a bit like her? I mean, if you think about it?“ Ruby bit back, and Emma let out a sigh.

She didn't take it as bad as she had when Belle had said it, but she guessed it was because Ruby was like a big sister to her. Belle was just her..well, friend. But then again, Belle had always been giving her such support over the years, so any way Emma thought about it, everything just sounded crazy in her head. 

But hearing those words though, even if it didn't made her angry, it still made her feel guilty. It made Emma punch the rail, before Ruby spoke up again, bringing the blonde back to the present.

“But never mind, I don't wanna fight with you now and especially not over the phone.”

“Thanks for being so understanding Rubes..“ Emma said carefully.

“I wouldn't call me that because if there is anything I'm not right now, is understanding. I need to know what's happening. Well, what more do you want to tell me? I mean, I just get the feeling you've got more to get off of your chest?“

_ She knows me so well  _ Emma thought to herself.

“Ehm, I'm at Regina's and Robin's beach house at the moment, and I've told Regina how complicated things have been between me and Belle because of this, so.. she wanted to like, clear the air. She wanted me to invite you guys over, to talk.”

Ruby frowned, but was in another way curious about why Regina even wanted to meet her and Belle. She didn't really need to go through that, but she wanted to, and would, for Emma's sake. 

Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea for Emma to get together with her, Ruby thought, but quickly shook her head to clear her thoughts. 

“And it would mean the world to me if you guys did come and we really sat down and talked about this,” Emma said and stopped to dry her eyes. Ruby was fighting hard against her own tears at the moment, when Emma continued.

“Aside from that, I'm going crazy at my mom's place. You know I love her, but living under the same roof is suffocating me… so I desperately want to come home again, but I can't do that until we have fixed this fucking mess.”

“Hmm. You must really like Regina don't you?“ Ruby asked, but didn't really give Emma a chance to reply. This call had been hard enough as it was on Emma. “Text me the address and we'll be over as soon as we can, okay?“

Emma felt a smile spread on her lips, and she took a big breath of relief.

“Thanks Rubes. I love you.”

“Love you to Ems. And I'll see you soon.“

*****

When Ruby finally came inside the house, Belle met her with a confused look and crossed arms. It was like a part of her was worried, and the other part was absolutely furious.

“And what made you scream like that? You almost gave me a heart attack you know!“ Belle said dramatically, receiving an eye roll from Ruby, which only made her angrier. Thankfully Ruby knew how to handle her mood swings. They had been through quite a number of fights over the years. Even if people had a hard time believing that, since Belle seemed so sweet.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But that was Emma, believe it or not..” Ruby said and leaned against the door post. “She told me everything and the thing that caused my scream was when she told me about your argument and she gave you a bitch slap…”

“Oh,” Belle replied, uncrossing her arm as the confusion turned to worry. “Was she okay? And did she say when she was gonna come home?“

“Not exactly. But she actually wants us to go over to Regina's and Robin's beach house now to clear the air between us all.”

“Wait, what?“ Belle’s anger was soon the only thing she was feeling and she gritted her teeth.

“I know this situation is anything but ideal. But come on, Emma is our friend and she really wants to find a solution to this, and I think it's a good sign that it was Regina's idea for us to come over, don't you?”

Belle ignored her question completely, not that Ruby was specially surprised.

“You can't be serious right now?“ Belle snarled. “You can't actually be okay with this? Are you fucking stupid, for real?!“

“Baby…“ Ruby began to say, but was quickly cut off as the brunette held up her hand.

“Regina is a married woman Ruby! And are we supposed to support something like that?! Emma may be our friend but this isn't okay in any way!?! Not to me it isn’t.“

The redhead took a step forward and laid her hands on Belle’s shoulders, something she knew always made her girlfriend calm down, and even if it worked now too, Belle was still not happy about this.

“Just.. Let's not fight about this and instead go over there and talk to Regina, shall we? And give her an honest chance to explain herself?“

“Fine!“ Belle said with a huff, as Ruby pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's cheek. “But I'm not gonna make it easy on her.”

“Oh, I know you won’t. The only thing I ask of you is to give her a chance to explain,“ Ruby said as they locked the house and headed for the car. Belle didn't talk to her once on their way over there.

*****

Regina was in the kitchen, doing the dishes when she heard the door to the back porch open. She quickly dried her hands, turned around and smiled as Emma came inside the kitchen and leaned against the doorway.

“Did you get in touch with them?“ Regina asked and walked up to stand in front of the blonde. She really wanted to touch her right now, mostly kiss her, but she didn't dare do so, because she wanted to leave that decision up to Emma. She didn't want to experience the rejection she'd gotten earlier.

It didn't take more than a half minute though, before Emma wrapped her arms around Regina's waist and pulled the brunette close. Emma took a big inhale of Regina's perfume before she nodded.

“I did. And they're on their way,” she replied, then placed a kiss on Regina's forehead. “I can't thank you enough for this. I mean, actually wanting to talk to them..”

“To be completely honest with you Emma, I'm really scared because I don't like talking to strangers like that, but I can't bare to see you this sad. So, if making you happy means taking an enormous step outside my comfort zone, so be it. Besides that, happiness suits you much better.

“Nah, that just depends,” Emma chuckled as her hands intertwined with Regina's. “Some people say happy musicians can't write good songs.”

“You musicians and your special type of humour,“ Regina replied with a smirk, then kissed Emma's lips. “Speaking of that, do you want to play some music for me in the meantime? We haven't gotten to so far yet.”

“Of course,” Emma replied with a grin, and pulled Regina with her to the enormous back porch, where they sat down on a bench. The sun was setting and the sky was absolutely beautiful right now, so they really took in the immaculate view of the beach, and they were able to forget the chaotic present for a second.

While Emma started to tune the guitar, Regina wrapped a blanket around herself and she eagerly waited for Emma to begin.

And as always, Regina felt like a kid on Christmas Eve when she was about to hear someone play guitar for her. It was simply magic to her. And it always made her relax.

Robin had played on that particular guitar Emma held, numerous times, mostly to calm her down when her anxiety hit her.

“I wrote this song a long while back. I hope you'll like it,” the blonde said as her fingers trailed over the strings.

**Never was the kind to have too easy** ****  
**Never was a kid and never had to fly** ****  
**Never was a Joe who blows so breezy** ****  
**Your love is easy and I don't even try** ****  
****  
**One day the sky was a burning bush and** ****  
**Burning bridges that burned my hand** ****  
**I'm just a guy with a little push and** ****  
**I'm learning bridges can lead to land** ****  
****  
**And they say to be young is to be free** ****  
**And everything will happen, it will happen in time** ****  
**And they say you belong here with me** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
****  
**Somedays the sky is like a plank I'm walking** ****  
**My heart is heavy, it ain't ever gonna swim** ****  
**Don't think I listen when you start talking** ****  
**I hear you talking, and you're talking to him** ****  
****  
**And they say to be young is to be free** ****  
**And everything will happen, it will happen in time** ****  
**And they say you belong here with me** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
****  
**'Til you make up your mind** ****  
****  
**When your love comes blowing** ****  
**And you're coming and you're going** ****  
**And I've never been knowing how long** ****  
**And my heart starts singing** ****  
**And the strings start ringing** ****  
**And it's the beginning of the end and you're gone** ****  
****  
**Watch you walk like a wounded werewolf** ****  
**Only loving in the cover of the moon** ****  
**I hear you howl in the blue light barefoot** ****  
**The sun is coming and you're running on fumes** ****  
****  
**And they say to be young is to be free** ****  
**And everything will happen, it will happen in time** ****  
**And they say you belong here with me** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
****  
**And they say to be young is to be free** ****  
**And everything will happen, it will happen in time** ****  
**And they say you belong here with me** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
**We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind** ****  
****  
**'Til you make up your mind** **  
** **We're never gonna make it 'til you make up your mind**

******

“Wow! What a beautiful house,” Ruby said and Belle just shrugged. Once again however, Ruby wasn't expecting any other reaction, as she held out her hand for Belle to take.

“So, do you remember what I told you to do, miss grumpy?”

“Yes, I'm not stupid. I'll give you her a chance to talk..”

“That's my girl,” Ruby chuckled as they knocked on the door, which didn't open. They both looked at each other confused, and then they heard the sound of a guitar. They decided to follow the sound and indeed found Emma and Regina on the back porch.

As soon as Emma saw them, she put down the guitar and stood to her feet. She held out her hand for Regina to take, but the brunette shook her head at her as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself. At first the reaction didn't make any sense to Emma, but soon it hit her.

**“** You don't have to cover yourself up, Regina. They won't judge you,” the blonde whispered, as she tried to give her a reassuring smile. It didn't help though, because the brunette was still tense.

“It's more than enough that they think I'm just using you or something..” Regina muttered when she stood to her feet on her own, still with the blanket wrapped around herself. “I don't want them to dislike me even more because of who I was before by seeing my disgusting scars…”

Emma nodded and watched as Regina disappeared inside to find a sweater, when Ruby and Belle made their way up to her.

**“** Hey guys. I've missed you,” Emma said as she embraced both of her friends in a tight group hug.

“We missed you to Ems, and I never meant for you to feel like you had to flee your own home,” Belle said all at once and felt the guilt wash over her.

**“** Don't worry. I should have spoken to you guys instead of just leaving,” Emma shrugged when the glass door opened.

“Welcome girls, would you like to have something to drink?“

**“** I would love a beer and if you don't have that, I'll take some wine,” Ruby replied.

“Sorry, we only have mineral water and Pepsi in this house if either of those will do.”

“Pepsi would be just fine, for the both of us, thank you,” Belle said and Regina nodded, then disappeared inside once again, and Emma felt her friend’s confused eyes on her.

**“** Is there any special reason as to why she doesn't have any alcohol? I thought that there would at least be wine, because isn't that like, something standard when you're loaded?“ Ruby said, and received a glare from Emma.

**“** Rubes, just.. don't,” the blonde groaned.

“Don't behave like she's the worst of us,” Belle said with a huff, and even if she didn't say exactly what she meant, Emma knew what she meant.

“Don't make me regret inviting you guys over, please. And if you don't approve of this, it's fine but please, Regina doesn't need to hear that...”

Belle suddenly thought about the night when she'd first met Regina and Robin at the restaurant and she remembered everything about Regina's anxiety issues. And her mental illness. It made Belle quickly regret her choice of words and she decided to keep those thoughts to herself.

Sadly it became clear she couldn't.

*********

Regina felt the tension among them and even if they were sitting outside, it felt almost impossible to breathe. Emma was fidgeting with her hands, so she took them in hers and her touch made the blonde let out a big breath of relief.

**“** I guess you want to know why I insisted on having you over?“ Regina asked, and saw how Belle and Ruby exchanged a quick look among each other, almost as if they were wondering how they should reply. The situation was painful and Regina's heart broke because she knew that was the reason as to why it was like this.

“I just want to start off by saying that we're not like, overwhelmed with joy about this situation, no, but I want to make it clear that it's nothing personal,” Ruby admitted and Emma saw how her friend's brain was working on overdrive right now, making sure the words came out right. It impressed her. And she was thankful.

**“** I just don’t want Emma to get hurt..,” Belle chimed in.

**“** I understand you two and believe me when I say that I wish the situation was different, but we have to take it as it is,” Regina said with a shrug. “But I don't want you to be angry with Emma because she's not the bad person in this. If anyone of us is, it's me.”

“Regina, don't say that,” Emma said but Regina just waved her off.

“I don't know if Emma has even told you anything about me, more than that I'm married that is... Either way, I can't explain why Emma is so special to me but she is. And I just feel this connection with her. A connection I can't easily explain.”

“But.. I mean.. What about your husband?“ Ruby frowned and Emma kept a close eye on Regina, making sure the brunette wouldn't push herself too hard that would cause her to have a panic attack. Emma would rather cut off her right arm than let that happen again.

“It's.. It's hard to explain… but I don't ever think I loved Robin, not like that, like a wife should. And I understand that's hard to believe, but it's the truth. I swear it. And if you had been through what I've been, maybe you would understand...” Regina said, as her eyes went to Emma and they shared a genuine smile, which Ruby snapped up. It made her smile as well. However Belle looked anything but impressed.

She was still having a hard time with Regina, even if she thought Regina was a sweet person. It was just the whole thing with her being married and the possibility of Emma having her heart broken, yet again.

And for some reason, Belle knew this could be even more painful than the breakup with Lily had been. Why she thought that, Belle wasn't really sure about.

There was just something about Regina and all the small looks she and Emma shared, that told Belle that Emma was already in too deep. Probably way too deep to leave.

Then again, Belle knew this was Emma's life and also her decision, and not  _ hers. _

However, at the same time, she cared so incredibly much about her friend, because Emma was her second best friend after Ruby. And also one of the few people Belle would walk through fire for if she'd needed. It would be done without even so much as a blink.

“I guess the biggest reason as to why I've stayed with Robin is because he saved my life that night when we crossed paths at that club. I was homeless and I supported myself by selling my body.. ” Regina shrugged and became quiet as the memory washed over her.

_ “Another round of drinks!“ the man who had his hand around Regina's waist called out to the bartender. She didn't remember his name, but she didn't care. She just had to endure him one night and that meant dealing with his disgusting friends as well, and then she would get 500 dollars. That would pay for at least two weeks at some motel and would also buy her some food. Regina felt one of the man's friend’s hands find its way inside her skirt, and shortly after, inside her underwear, but she didn't care. She was drunk and high, so it numbed the worst anxiety and she reminded herself about the money again and again. _

_ “You feel nice girl and I'll make you wet, just wait for it,” the man with his hands inside her underwear said into her ear, then he nibbled on her earlobe. She offered him a tired smile, and when he pulled her close, she almost fell over him, making the man let out a laugh. _

_ “You can't wait to taste my dick, now can you?“ he said when suddenly a man punched the table with a close fist. The men looked up and Regina sat up, taking support on her shaking arms. _

_ “What the hell are you men doing to this poor girl?!“ he yelled, and Regina couldn't help but think he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen, dressed in a well fitted black suit. _

_ “Nothing that is any of your damn business,” one of them sneered. “Now fuck off!” _

_ But the man didn't so much as move an inch, and his gentle eyes met Regina's scared ones. _

_ “I will not leave this table until you let me take the girl with me,” Robin said with a dangerous growl, and Regina snapped up that this wasn't a evil man, even if the tone in his voice could fool anybody. Not Regina though. She had met enough assholes throughout her life to know when someone wasn't one. _

_ “Look here, we have paid this whore 500 dollars so leave us the fuck alone,” another man sneered, even if Regina hadn't actually been paid yet. She didn't say that though and instead watched as Robin reached down in his pocket for his wallet. He opened it and literally threw five 100 dollar bills onto the table. _

_ “There! You have your disgusting money, now let her go,” he barked and Regina was pushed off the couch, and almost fell down, but thankfully the mysterious savior reacted quickly, and he caught her. _

_ Regina didn't get far though before her legs failed from underneath her and she felt the fear rise in her. _

_ “I'm.. I. I can't walk.. “ she managed to say, using the little strength she had left. She couldn't help it, but she was just waiting for this man to scream at her or punch her for being so weak, but it never happened. Instead she felt him embrace her and scoop her up in his arms. _

_ “Don't ever worry my dear. I'm Robin and I'll help you. From this day now and the coming ones,” he said, and his voice was almost too beautiful for it to even be real. Regina almost started to think she was dreaming or was tripping on all the drugs she had pumping in her system. _

_ ******* _

“Have you actually ever been with a woman?” Belle asked, her voice laced with anger, bringing Regina back to the present. She didn't have the chance to reply though, before Emma spoke up.

“And what the fuck is that kind of question?“ Emma snapped. Ruby seemed to think the same, but kept quiet. She had more or less accepted Regina, even if she didn't really know why. She just had. Belle, on the other hand, wasn't as easy to win over. Emma had thought it would have been the other way around. Apparently she'd been wrong.

“How do you know that you're not just some kind of experiment of hers?“ Belle replied quickly, and Emma felt the anger slowly starting to rise inside her.

“You're not exactly the right fucking person to speak, now are you? Because as I recall it, Ruby was your first.”

“That's totally different!“ Belle attempted to explain.

“Oh is it now?” Emma asked indignantly.

“Yes! Because I knew I was gay! Regina on the other hand, is MARRIED to a man and has probably fucked a whole lot of other men!!“  

That was the final straw for Ruby, as she stood to her feet and her fist hit the table.

“That's enough! You two are behaving like fucking children! And you Belle,“ Ruby said and glanced over to her girlfriend, “You are the worst! I don't even recognize you at the moment.”

Suddenly Regina stood to her feet as well, then slammed the glass door behind her.

“I knew bringing you over here was a bad idea. Or at least having you over, Belle,” Emma sneered with a pointed tone. “Ruby is at least behaving like an adult!“

“I know I'm behaving like an asshole right now, but Emma, please, you don't know what you're doing,” Belle said chasing Emma. She grabbed her arm and then continued, “You're playing with fire and possibly throwing away your only chance of becoming the rockstar you've always dreamed about becoming.“

“I don't really care about that. So fuck it! Yeah, fuck it! The only thing I care about right now is filling the void in my heart that not even playing the guitar can fill.” Emma said, her eyes filling up with tears. Belle suddenly lost her ability to speak, because she didn't know what Emma was talking about. So both she and Ruby looked dumbfounded.

“Yeah I know I haven't actually told you guys this because I've been ashamed about it, but the truth is, I'm sick of being fucking lonely. My guitar  _ sometimes _ makes me happy, and so do you guys of course, but I miss sleeping next to someone as well as waking up with someone. Simply having someone I can call mine.“

Regina had heard everything, as she had been standing at the door the whole time. Her heart broke for Emma.

“I know Regina is married but I don't fucking care because she makes me feel alive, something I haven't felt since Lily. And you know how many dates I've been on and how fucking burned I've been every fucking time... This just feels…  _ different.“ _

Hearing those words made Belle finally snap out of her anger, and she scolded herself for behaving nothing like she usually did, but she couldn't help it. Then again, she knew she had to stop, as her eyes met Regina's. She was a broken woman too and didn't need more drama. She needed support and love. Nothing else.

So Belle chose to actually keep her thoughts to herself from now on, then walked up to Emma and pulled her into a tight hug, and when they parted, both of them were crying.

“I love you and I will support you, whatever you choose to do and whoever you decide to be with. Okay? I will not behave like this again. Ever. I promise you that, so just come home again, will you please?“

“I know it's a hard thing to take in, but I can't imagine a life without you and your support. You guys have been my everything for years,” Emma said, smiling through the tears as Ruby walked up to them and embraced Emma in a tight hug as well.

“You should be happy that you have such good friends, Emma,” Regina said and Emma turned around. She walked up to the brunette and cupped her face in her hands, then placed a gentle kiss against those plump lips.

“And I'm happy about having you in my life too.”

Ruby nudged Belle’s shoulder and swung her arm around her. Seeing them kiss just made something click into place for Belle and all the anger she had felt for Regina ran off of her in a matter of seconds.

“I think Emma is in love,” Belle said quietly, making sure only Ruby heard her.

“So do I,” Ruby replied, as her grip tightened around Belle. “And we're gonna make this work, in some way, yes?”

Belle nodded in agreement even if she still was scared. She hoped for Emma's sake that Regina would do the right thing, and file for divorce before taking the next step with her. But that would probably not be the way it happened.

The real question now was how it all would turn out in the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this chapter :
> 
> Make up your mind - Trixie Matell


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Thanks for the response and I know some of you are a bit mad about the fact that Regina just doesn't leave Robin to be truly happy with Emma, but I want you to remember this is a slow burn and I promise you there is gonna be a happy ending for everyone, Robin included! Just bare with me :)
> 
> Rock on!

Belle and Ruby left late into the night, so when it was finally time for bed, Emma was about to go to the guestroom when Regina grabbed her arm to stop her. The blonde met her eyes and felt confused.

“You can sleep in my bedroom, if you want to Emma,” Regina said gently. 

“I just.. I ehm, what if Robin comes home?“ the blonde questioned. 

“He won't come back until tomorrow night, so don't worry,” Regina replied as she held out her hand for Emma to take. 

“Oh ehm, okay then.”

When they got into the bedroom, Emma stood almost mesmerized by the bed, carefully watching Regina as she was taking off her dress and slowly unhooking her bra.

She was so utterly beautiful that it was almost unreal, but Emma's heart ached as she noticed more scars on Regina, on her back to be exact.

They looked almost like they had been put there by some kind of whip, and Emma suddenly felt an urge of  **having** to protect Regina, not really knowing why.

Regina shivered as she felt Emma's fingers brush against the scars on her back, but smiled when she felt Emma's lips place a trail of kisses aside them.

“You're so beautiful Regina, and don't ever forget that,“ Emma whispered as she wrapped her arms around the brunette. Regina suddenly broke down in tears, not really knowing why, but she just did.

Emma was so sweet, so kind, and so amazing. Regina thought about the fact that Emma had never seemed scared of seeing Regina's scars, or anything even remotely like that, and even Robin had been scared of them once. But never Emma. Instead she just reminded Regina that she was not going anywhere, and what had happened in the past didn't define the person she was now.

Regina's scars on her back though, were the ones she hated the most. She still felt the pain of getting them, and still remembered the laugh coming from Leo's mouth as he pushed her down on the floor.

“It's okay Regina. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, I promise,” Emma said as she took a stand in front of her instead. 

“I don't understand why you would even bother with me actually… I'm so damaged. Who would possibly want me?“

The feeling of disgust and self hate found its way into Regina's heart and the thoughts quickly turned into some kind of tornado whirling around inside her head.

Then she felt how tired she was, although that wasn't so weird since she'd told so much about herself to not only Emma, but also to Belle and Ruby. She had simply pushed herself too hard, as the self-doubt started to set in.

She sunk down in the bed and hid her head in her hands, and felt Emma's breath on her skin. When she looked up, she was met by those beautiful eyes she'd already come to love.

“Like I said before,” Emma said carefully, as she pressed gentle kisses on Regina's knuckles, “we are both broken, only in different ways.”

“I’ve already caused so much trouble for you Emma. I would only give you so much more if we actually let things proceed…“

Emma tugged on her lower lip, knowing that Belle’s harsh words had made Regina doubt herself. And it broke the blonde’s heart.

Even if she knew that Belle only had been that harsh because she cared deeply for Emma, and not really known how to show that in well, a calm way. But she understood it was hard for Regina to hear anyway. Because it was hard on Emma too.

Belle had been the one, not Ruby, to pick up the bits and pieces when Emma had been left by Lily. That memory sent a shiver down Emma's spine, and so she understood why Belle had reacted like she had.

“You're gonna be okay baby, I promise. So will I and so will _we_ be. You're just scared and believe me, I am too. But let's cuddle in bed and forget all of those thoughts and feelings? And just feel safe in each other's closeness?”

Regina nodded and climbed down under the covers and Emma quickly followed suit. The blonde wrapped her arms around Regina and pressed kisses to her neck.

She was as tense as a violin string, something Emma of course noticed but she didn't say anything. Regina had her reasons. Instead she made sure to help Regina to feel safe.

“You really impressed me tonight Regina, and I want you to know that,” Emma whispered into the dark room, and was actually happy over the darkness.

She could talk much easier about Lily for example and her own demons when she didn't have to look someone in the eyes. And she already felt the tears stinging.

“And I'm sorry that Belle behaved so badly tonight. She is just the one who helped me get back on my feet when Lily left me. I never showed how sad I was to Ruby, even if she saw me cry, but the one who held me throughout the numerous nights was Belle, even if that's not a thing we actually talk out loud about.”

*****

_ “You're such a hypocrite, you know that right?” Lily said with a snarl as she walked to stand in front of Emma. The younger blonde frowned. _

_ “What are you doing here?“ _

_ “Well, I'm here to tell you that you're a fucking idiot, don't mind why I'm here. You need someone to tell you you're fucking stupid!“ _

_ “You don't have a right to tell me anything!“ Emma snapped, but Lily only shrugged. _

_ “You played the fucking victim when I cheated on you, and now you're the one who is the so called cheater, ready to destroy someone's life. God, you're such a hypocrite.“ _

_ “What the fuck are you talking about?” Emma growled. _

_ “Regina! I'm talking about the musician’s wife you're wanting to fuck!“ _

_ Emma gritted her teeth, then clenched her fists. She knew this was a dream, but for some reason she couldn't make herself wake up, and unfortunately, Lily continued. _

_ “You're willing to throw away your one chance to become someone for what, a nutcase with more problems than I ever had, huh?“ _

_ “I would be that idiot you're trying to tell me I am, if I actually listened to you right now.” _

_ “Ha!“ Lily replied. “Fine. Be my guest then. Fuck up your life, but believe me Emma, you're too weak to handle the consequences.” _

_ **** _

Emma woke up hyperventilating, and sat up in the bed. Regina was sleeping quietly next to her and she was happy she didn't wake up. She shook her head and carefully left the bed, to walk outside to have a cigarette and call Belle.

She knew it was the middle of the night, but her friend answered after only a couple of rings, as she always did.

“Emma? Are you okay?“ came a concerned inquiry on the other end of the line.

“Well, I just needed someone to talk to and well, I guess I'm not okay..“ Emma sighed, as she lit a cigarette, then took a deep inhale. 

“I guess maybe I am a partial reason as to why you're not sleeping, aren't I?“ Belle asked carefully.

“No, not really. I don't blame you for behaving like you did earlier, not after I've had time to think about your reaction because well, you did only say all those things because you care about me,” Emma admitted. And then she added, “And you're afraid this will make me end up with me hurt like the break up with Lily did huh?“

“Look,” Belle said, and Emma heard her tiptoe out from the bedroom, to speak without risking waking Ruby up. “I think Regina is a really sweet person and I think you and her are a perfect match but yes, I'm scared you will end up getting hurt. And I would hate for that to happen, but I can't decide what you should or shouldn't do. I can only be there for you.“

Emma sighed, but at the same time it felt good to speak about this with Belle, because it was a much needed conversation. And Emma trusted her, even if the brunette had showed her true colors tonight by getting so angry. After thinking it through though, Emma knew it all was on account of Belle’s deep love for her and the fear of seeing Emma getting broken again.

“I know Belle, I know,” Emma replied, then put out the cigarette, only to light another one.

“This is a tricky situation because you're risking so much. Then again, I can't make the decision for you, but at the same time, I will never be afraid to speak my mind nor back down if you need someone to protect you. Simply because I love you so damn much, and I will do anything for those I love.”

“I'm happy we're speaking again and not yelling at each other,“ Emma chuckled.

“Me too. Hey, I gotta sleep a couple of hours more because I'm working lunch tomorrow, but only if you're okay with that.”

“Of course. And thanks for answering. It means a lot.”

“I will always be here for you Ems. So go and try to get some sleep now and I hope you'll move back soon?“

“Yeah, I will. Sleep tight.”

“You too,” Belle replied, then hung up and went inside. She grabbed the guitar from earlier and snuggled up on the couch.

**Living is like a jigsaw** ****  
**And the farther in you go** ****  
**If you're missing pieces** ****  
**Never really know** ****  
**When you're ticking like a timepiece** ****  
**On which you can rely** ****  
**Wonder why you wind it** ****  
**When you're running out of time** ****  
****  
**Sometimes there's a danger of choking on the parts** ****  
**No one gave a warning to the breaking of your heart** ****  
**Pick up all the pieces and go back to the start** ****  
**Never losing, only using all your moving parts** ****  
**All your moving parts** ****  
****  
**Living's supposed to kill you** ****  
**But it shouldn't feel like dying** ****  
**Loving's supposed to fill you** ****  
**But it spills you like your wine** ****  
**And all the paper people** ****  
**Wandering about** ****  
**Wondering who made them** ****  
**And who's gonna cut them out** ****  
****  
**Sometimes there's a danger of choking on the parts** ****  
**No one gave a warning to the breaking of your heart** ****  
**Pick up all the pieces and go back to the start** ****  
**Never losing, only using all your moving parts** ****  
**All your moving parts** ****  
****  
**And even in the morning** ****  
**When the sun's behind the clouds** ****  
**In the state you're born in** ****  
**In the state that you're in now** ****  
**Even if the roof is leaking** ****  
**It's still above your head** ****  
**Just remember two words that the two birds never said** ****  
****  
**Sometimes there's a danger of choking on the parts** ****  
**No one gave a warning to the breaking of your heart** ****  
**Pick up all the pieces and go back to the start** ****  
**Never losing, only using all your moving parts** **  
** **All your moving parts**

*****

After a couple of hours by herself, Emma went back to the bedroom and climbed down under the covers. She wrapped her arms around Regina and the brunette blinked her eyes open and smiled at her.

“Is everything okay?“ she asked, still half asleep and Emma chuckled as she tucked away a string of hair behind Regina's ear, then pressed a tender kiss on her lips.

“I had a nightmare but I'm better. So go back to sleep now,” Emma replied, almost whispered, refusing to break eye contact with Regina. Her eyes were so beautiful, yet so conflicted. It made Emma wonder time and time again what she was actually thinking, but even morse so, what she had actually been through in life.

“I don't want you to leave tomorrow. I don't want to wake up knowing you're gonna go back to your life and I will be, well, here, living a lie.”

“Regina, hey come on, don't say something like that,” Emma said, trying to soothe her but Regina pulled back and flicked on the lamp on the nightstand, then reached for a Xanax which she quickly downed with water.

“I can't understand why I feel so connected to you Emma, but I do. And I feel like a totally different person when I'm with you. Simply because you don't know very much about who I am and it feels so incredibly wonderful… but at the same time.., will we ever become something?“

Emma swallowed hard as she tugged on her lower lip. She started to panic when she analyzed Regina's choice of words.

And the question was, did they even stand a chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used: Moving parts - Trixie Mattel


	17. Chapter 17

Emma gave Regina a big hug and stole a couple of kisses before the driver pulled up in the driveway and honked. Neither of the women wanted to say goodbye and Emma had to fight hard to not cry. Regina as well.

“I'll text you when I get home, okay?“ Emma said with a crooked smile, and Regina just nodded. 

“I'll miss you,” the brunette said, her voice cracking.  _ I already do  _ she thought to herself, but chose to keep those words unsaid.

“We will see each other soon, I promise,” Emma replied, and after making sure the driver didn't see them, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Regina's for what felt like would be the last time.

The kiss was over far too soon and as Emma made her way down to the car, she wanted to cry even more than before. Her mind was spinning like crazy.

Why did she always manage to complicate her life? She, who had promised herself to never let someone inside her walls again?

Lily had been a chapter all on her own, but this, this whole thing with Regina was slowly crushing what little soul she had left. Still, she couldn't let her go. She just couldn't. And when the car backed out from the driveway, Emma finally broke down in tears. She couldn't understand what was so special about Regina though and that made her cry even more.

******

The car ride lasted what felt like forever before Emma was dropped off at her mom's house to collect her things. She needed to stop there before going back to her own house and to her relief, her mother wasn't home this time either. So she quickly grabbed her stuff and ran out to Ruby who waited in the yellow bug.

“Hey,” Ruby said with a grin as Emma jumped into the car. She didn't get more than a nod in reply, but the redhead didn't need to ask what was wrong. She knew what it was, so Ruby chose to turn up the radio, knowing music always calmed Emma down, and soon enough she snored in the passenger seat.

A little while later Emma blinked her eyes open and stretched her whole body like a cat, as she always did. 

“Hello there sleeping beauty,“ Ruby teased and Emma slapped her shoulder, then made a childish face.

“How long have I slept?” Emma asked as she rubbed her eyes. 

“Well, about an hour I think, but don't worry. I don't mind the driving,” Ruby replied with a shrug. 

“Well you've already driven to my mom’s house and you're not supposed to drive all the way back too. I mean, you're not some superhero. You have to be tired, don't you?“

Since Emma's dad had died in a tragic car accident, she had big respect for how tiring driving actually could be. Ruby knew that, but she also knew how fragile Emma was at the moment and that was something Ruby couldn't just ignore. So she bit back.

“You are absolutely not fit to drive. And I don't think I have to explain why, now do I?”

The tone was pointed, almost as sharp as a hiss from a snake and Emma didn't even fight back. She simply sighed and glanced off out the window, trying to blink away her tears.

“So, do you wanna talk about it?“ Ruby added after a while of silence. She couldn't stand the tension that was surrounding them, as it made it hard to breathe.

“I can't stop thinking about her, Ruby… I wish I could turn this car around and run into her arms. Just to be able to feel her breath against my skin again… “ Emma groaned, and took a deep breathe before she continued. “I have never wanted anything more than to have Regina here, with me, with us, right now. But that's never gonna happen, is it?“

After those words had left her tounge, the tears finally made their way down Emma's cheeks again. Compared to the ride before, she didn't so much as bother to dry her eyes.

“What makes you say something like that?“ Ruby asked as she glanced over at Emma.

“Rubes, let's be realistic here shall we?“ Emma barked. “Would you leave a life like the one Regina lives, a life in complete luxury, for someone like me? A poor bartender who lives in a old crappy house?“

“I would,” Ruby replied with a shrug, no hesitation at all. She was a bit hurt over hearing Emma call their beloved house _ crappy,  _ but she chose to not bring it up.

“You would?“ Emma inquired.

“Yes, I would. And I know Regina would leave her life for someone like you. And let me explain why,” Ruby said confidently and took a deep breath before she continued.

“I can't argue with you about Regina's living situation at the moment because she lives a life of luxury and that's probably nothing you can offer her, but that's not important. I mean, just look at me and Belle. 

Her parents are loaded and Belle could have chosen  _ anyone _ instead of me, because I'm poor as you, but she didn't. Now did she? So fuck thinking like that, because Regina loves you Emma, I saw that in the way she looks at you. There was nothing else but love for you in her look and never forget that love is the strongest magic of all.”

Emma chuckled through her tears.

“You've been together with Belle for too long now. You actually sound like her.”

“I'll take that as a compliment,” the redhead said and grinned.

“Sadly enough though, her cleverness will never rub off on you.”

The two friend’s eyes met before they both broke out in laughter.

*****

Regina closed the door with a big lump in her throat. Without Emma by her side, both the house and she felt so incredibly empty. It was a terrible feeling and she quickly went to get her phone. She needed to ventilate with Kathryn.

“Gina!” she exhaled as she picked up. “And to what do I owe this honor for an impulse phone call?“

“Well.. I just needed to talk to someone… about well, Emma…“ Regina managed to say.

“I see. So, is everything okay between you guys? Or has something happened?“

“No. Everything is fine, even more than so, but I think that could actually be the problem.”

“Excuse me?“ Kathryn frowned.

“I'm sorry I'm not making any sense at the moment… anyway, Emma has been here two days while Robin and Henry have been out on the boat and it's been so wonderful. But now, she's gone and without her I.. It feels like I'm breaking apart.“

Kathryn quickly heard the anxiety rise with every breath Regina took, and even if she wanted to go over there immediately, she knew Regina wouldn't want that. She would probably not even let her inside the door. So she guessed talking over the phone was at least something.

“You won't do anything stupid though, right Gina?“ Kathryn asked with a pointed tone, because she knew there was a big possibility that Regina had hidden medication that could be taken in a completely different way than they were supposed to, somewhere in the house.

“No I won’t do anything stupid,” Regina replied with a hiss.

“I want you to promise me that though, Gina“

“Yes Kathryn. I won't do anything stupid,” Regina replied as she sunk down on the bed, grabbing the pillow Emma had slept on only hours earlier. It still smelled like her.

“Good. So, my advice for you is that you talk to Robin and simply tell him you want a divorce. Simple as that.”

“Have you lost your mind completely!? I can't do that now!“

“And why not? Why would you instead choose to not only put yourself but also Emma through this horrible situation?” Kathryn shot back. This didn't make any sense. Why on earth did Regina want to continue this double life?

“Because Emma's music career has hardly started and if I file for divorce now I possibly ruin that for her..“ Regina sighed. “And I can't do that to Emma… I just can't be that  _ selfish… _ “

“I get it. And I can't force you to do anything Gina, and I never would. But it's better to take the bull by the horns, so to speak as soon as possible instead of continuing like this. But then again, that's only what I think needs to be done. Maybe not now, but soon. And do you really think Robin would stop working with Emma if you divorce him? That doesn't sound like the Robin I know.“

“I'm just so freaking scared. I guess I have to think this through,” Regina replied before she hung up.

Seconds later, she broke down and sobbed her eyes out. Her heart was breaking apart and she wished she had any kind of drug, right now, to numb everything she felt.

Regina hadn't had these urges for drugs for so long, but now she was surrounded by all the darkness she had been able to push away before. It felt like she was back at square one, almost paralyzed by the fear itself.

A groan escaped her lips, because God did she hate to feel. It was almost like she wasn't able to handle her own feelings. It was hard on her, mostly because nobody had ever taught her how to. Then again, she was missing many “ordinary social skills.“

“How am I going to get through this… “ Regina said to herself, while the tears started to spill over again.

****

When they finally arrived at home, Emma quickly withdrew to her room and Belle gave Ruby a concerned look, since Emma didn't even say hello to her.

“Is something wrong?“ Belle asked and Ruby just shrugged, then sunk down on the couch next to her girlfriend. “Then why is Emma so low?“ Belle added with a frown.

“I think reality just caught up with her.”

Emma heard the words as she hadn't made her way completely up the stairs, but after hearing them, she upped her pace and banged the door shut behind her, then locked it from the inside.

She had never locked her door before, because she had never felt the need to do so, but now she couldn't even deal with herself, much less anybody else. By locking her door, Emma knew she was able to be completely alone.

The blonde pulled the covers over her head and sent Regina a text. And just getting a reply, made her feel happy, even if that happiness quickly disappeared, as reality caught up with her again (to use Ruby's own words).

_**Emma :** I miss you so freaking much already. I even miss your scent. Is that a bit crazy? _

_**Regina** : If so, I'm even crazier because I'm sitting here and hugging the pillow you slept on. It smells like you. _

Emma couldn't help but smile through her tears.

_**Emma** I wish everything was different, don't you? _

_**Regina** Oh I do, believe me. But then again, nothing has really been easy for any one of us throughout life now has it? _

_**Emma** i guess you're right. But look at me. I promised myself I would never in the whole world let anybody past my walls again after Lily... Then you showed up, and completely turned my life upside down. Making me break that promise to myself. _

_**Regina** Did I do that in a good or a bad way? _

_**Emma** In a good one of course. The only bad thing about this is that I'm head over heels in love with someone I may never be able to call mine. _

Regina could almost feel how the words in Emma's texts were dripping with anxiety. It was breaking her heart so she hoped her reply would make Emma smile through her sorrow.

_**Regina** I fell for you the first time I saw you perform. I know I haven't said that but it's true. I first fell for your incredible looks, then your beautiful singing voice and finally I fell for your charming personality but what made me fall completely head over heels for you, was your big heart. _

_ You never once looked at me with pity in your eyes or shunned away from my scarred and abused body. Not even the first time you accidentally saw my scars when first we met. _

_ Nor did you turn your back when I told you about my past. Instead, you make me feel whole and happy. And I need you in my life, Emma. I really do. And there aren't enough words in this world to describe it. _

_ And I know it's a long, long road ahead of us to walk, before we actually can be a couple, but I hope you are willing to let it take the time it takes. Because well... _

_ I love you too. _

Emma read the text over and over again, as her jaw dropped to the floor. And it was like something inside her just clicked.

_**Emma** I'm willing to let it take all the time it takes, because you're special Regina. You're that type of person you only meet once in a lifetime and if I was forced to sell my beloved Fender to get the chance to be together with you, I would do it in the blink of an eye. And why? Well. Simple. _

_ Because I love you too. _

 


	18. Chapter 18

The days turned into weeks and Emma's life continued like it had before, which meant that nothing out of the ordinary happened. Life was once again grey and boring.

She still worked as a bartender at the stupid bikers club, and the only thing that made her happy was her weekly performances at said bar.

She hadn't been able to go away with the band Robin had put together, because she hadn't been able get free from work, or at least that was what she had told Robin.

The real truth was that she actually needed to distance herself from everything, even giving up such an opportunity as to perform with a band, because this whole situation with Regina was taking a much bigger toll on her than she first thought it would.

Thankfully, both Belle and Ruby did the best they could to support her and remind her she wasn't alone in all the chaos. Even if Emma felt like she was.

*****

Regina's life went back to the ordinary after returning home from the beach house, but before the anxiety had its chance to sink its claws into her, Kathryn took a leave of absence from work to come and live with Regina and Henry, which meant that the nanny Zelena wasn't working at the moment. That alone was a big relief to Regina, because that meant she didn't have to worry about Zelena poking around in her private business.

Henry didn't really care about that, he was just happy spending time with his mom, and even happier that his “Auntie Kathryn” was living with them for a time, because he loved her so much. Regina just missed Emma so incredibly much, so much so that she actually cried herself to sleep every night. Something neither Henry or Kathryn knew, and would never know. That she made sure of.

Regina hadn't seen the beautiful blonde since their tearful goodbye at the beach house and the only contact they had had, were through some texts from time to time.

It was painful to say the least, but Emma probably needed time to process everything and the last thing Regina wanted to do, was to push too hard and risk pushing Emma away completely. She just wished once more, that life would be, well, different. Or at least easy. But then again, life never had been.

“Have a good day at school Henry and I'll see you later, yes?“ Kathryn said, then gave the small boy a hug before she closed the door behind him. She then walked into the kitchen where Regina was cleaning up after their breakfast, and even if the brunette actually was up and active, Kathryn knew she wasn't doing well. It showed in her whole body language.

“Oh, I forgot to tell him goodbye before school,” Regina pouted and sighed as Kathryn started to dry the plates.

“I think he will survive Gina,“ the blonde replied with a gentle smile. “But the big question is, how are you holding up?“

“Me?“ Regina frowned, as she straightened her back. “I'm doing just fine, why do you ask?“

“You don't have to pretend in front of me, you know that right? And besides that, I can read you like an open book and you're everything except just fine, Gina. So don't lie to me.”

Regina let out a big sigh and leaned against the counter.

“Am I  _ that _ obvious?“

“To me you are. So, have you talked to Emma lately?“

“No, not since we said goodbye at the beach house. We only send some texts from time to time. She says that it’s because she's busy with extra shifts at work but I don't think that's the real truth.. “ Regina replied, as she looked down at her shaking hands.

“Hey, Gina, take a deep breathe and look at me,” Kathryn said with a calm and gentle tone, and as their eyes met, she offered Regina a crooked smile, before she continued.

“You know this is a hard situation for the both of you and Emma probably needs some time to wrap her head around all of this, but don't  _ ever _ worry about her forgetting you, because that won't happen. I've smiled at all those texts you've showed me and even if I haven't seen you together more than at the club that night, I know she cares about you so incredibly much. Trust me."

“I don't know what to think at this point. And I don't understand how you can be so sure about that... “ the brunette admitted with a shaking voice.

“Well, how about this then. Let's Invite her over for the weekend huh? I don't mind having her here and neither does Henry. He knows you like her and he would be the last person who would judge you, or do you think I'm wrong about that also?“

Regina shrugged. Her eyes stung with tears and her heart was suddenly beating extremely hard because of the rising anxiety.

Everything became blurry and Regina suddenly felt her legs disappeared beneath her and she collapsed, but Kathryn reacted quickly, since it wasn't the first time this happened, and caught Regina in her arms.

She gently put Regina down on the floor and sat next to her and took her hands in hers, carefully stroking them, knowing that usually brought Regina back to the present. This time though, it didn't manage to make her anxiety go down so much as a bit. It was simply too strong.

“I don't want to put Henry though this…“ Regina said, her voice cracked. She hated herself so much already, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Even if she and Henry had talked about Emma, and both knew and accepted his mother's feelings for the blonde woman, Regina was scolding herself. She was going to hurt Robin too, in one way or another because of this, the man who had saved her life.

“Gina, don't let the demons in your head win this time around and listen to me instead. Please,” Kathryn almost pleaded.

“Those demons  _ have _ never and  _ will _ never be right. Not about anything, okay? And I know you don't want to put Henry through this, but he's already going through this. Besides that, you've already told him about your feelings for Emma, and as I see it, everything would probably be easier for him if he gets the chance to get to know Emma now. Don't deprive him of that.”

“When did you become this smart?“ Regina inquired. “And you're probably right. Even if it's a bit hard to admit it on my part.“

“I'm always right and I've always been smart, thank you very much,” Kathryn replied with a smirk. “So go and call Emma, and I'll take care of the kitchen, okay?“

“Okay,” Regina answered and headed to find her phone.

******

Emma had barley woken up when her phone started to buzz. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and answered it without bothering to check the caller id, and was almost speechless when she heard Regina's voice on the other side of the line, but it quickly brought an enormous smile to her lips.

“Wow. I didn't expect you of all people to call me, but I can't imagine a better way to start my day than talking with you..” Emma said, and hearing those sincere words, made Regina relax immediately. It was like all the anxiety washed off of her and once again she was amazed by Emma's incredibly big impact on her. It was like..  _ Magic. _

“I'm happy to hear your voice too Emma.. “ the brunette replied, then added, “I miss you, so I was wondering if you would like to join me, Henry and Kathryn for the weekend?“

Emma smiled even more, because she remembered that her boss Killian had given her the weekend off. She had worked so much these couple of weeks alongside Ruby, to cover the other shifts for waitresses that had been sick.

“It's like the universe wanted this to happen because I'm actually off of work this weekend. So I would be happy to join you guys.”

“I'm pleased to hear that Emma. Do you need me to send our driver to pick you up?“

“That won't be necessary. Ruby and Belle can probably drive me, but I just have to double check with them before I say too much. But ehm, Regina, can I ask you something first?“

“Of course darling.”

“This might sound weird but I've made some extra money, so I wonder if you would allow me to take you out for like, ehm, you know, a date night? Maybe tomorrow?“ And asking this question made Emma blush like a teenager, and she was so nervous about Regina's answer, that she was biting her nails. Something she hadn't done for years.

“I would love to Emma. So we'll talk later yes?“

“Sounds awesome,“ Emma replied as she hung up, and ran downstairs, almost tripping over herself on the stairs.

Ruby and Belle gave her a curious look as she came into the living room and both hoped Emma's smile meant what they thought it did.

“Since when did you become Sonic the hedgehog running like crazy through the house huh?“ Ruby asked with a chuckle.

“Since Regina called me and asked if I wanted to come there for the weekend!“ Emma replied with an enormous grin, then sunk down in her chair.

“Wow, that's wonderful Ems,” Belle said with a big smile and Emma nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, and tomorrow I'm gonna take her out for dinner and since I have some extra money, I can spoil her like a true gentleman!“

“Wait a second..“ Ruby frowned. “Weren't' you saving that money for some guitar you've dreamed about for years?“

Ruby was confused, even if she didn't let her confusion show, because she knew that if Emma was willing to lose her dream guitar (or any guitar for that matter) for someone, that meant the person had to be special, to say the least.

“Well, yes. But it's not like I can’t wait a bit longer for it and besides, I've been doing just fine with my old fender since I was a kid,” Emma shrugged, and took a deep breath before she carefully continued. “But that leads to my big question though Ehm.. And that is, if you guys maybe could give me a ride there? I would be so thankful if you could, so I don't have to ride in that crazy expensive car again with Robin's personal driver. I almost didn't dare to touch the door handles in it the last time!”

“Of course we'll drive you, and we can make a stop at your moms on our way home and you know, maybe talk to her about this whole situation with Regina,” Ruby said and Emma almost felt her jaw drop to the floor.

She had avoided her mother because of their last argument about Regina, and even if Emma had been trying to mend their broken relationship a countless number of times, she had never been able to succeed.

Mostly because she had always ended up losing her temper and so had her mother. That Ruby actually offered to take that difficult conversation, made Emma so incredibly thankful that she actually attacked her sister from another mister with such an enormous hug that Ruby almost lost her breath. Belle couldn't help but laugh at them.

“Calm down Ems, it's not like I'm a knight who's about to slay a dragon,” Ruby said as her eyes met Emma's.

“Have you not met my mom, Rubes? Because she's more stubborn than me! I'm just making sure we're talking about the same person.”

“I'm ready for anything because I have my own little pitbull, right here. Her name is Belle. Have you met her?“ Ruby said with a mischievous smile, and Belle just rolled her eyes at her and the redhead blew her a kiss. “You know I say it with love baby.”

“Yeah yeah, don't make me attack you instead though,” Belle replied with a grin, then grabbed Ruby by her shirt and pulled her into a kiss. 

“So, I'll go up and pack then, and call Regina!“ Emma said jumping up and down and then she left the room before either of her friends had a chance to say anything more.

“This is how I want Emma to be all the time. It suits her to be this happy, doesn't it?“

“Yeah, it really does,” Belle agreed, then gave Ruby another kiss.

*****

When Henry came home from the school, he was happily surprised to see his mother dusting off and cleaning the living room.

“Hey mom, auntie Kathryn,” he said, then hung up his jacket and school bag. “Are we expecting company or something?“

“Hello dear, did you have a good day in school?“ Regina asked and Henry nodded. “And yes, actually, Emma is coming over for the weekend, if that's okay with you. And if it's not, I'll call her and cancel it.”

Regina realized she had made plans for the weekend before asking Henry what he felt about it, something she otherwise always made sure to do. A feeling of guilt quickly washed over her.

“Of course it's okay mom. And I'm looking forward to getting to know her,” Henry replied with a smile, which made Regina relax. “So I'll go to my room and do my homework so I can hang out with you guys later,” he added before he went upstairs.

“I told you he would be okay with it, now didn't I?” Kathryn said with mischievous smile and Regina rolled her eyes.

“You like being right, now don't you?“

“Ehm, didn't you meet me earlier or what?“ Kathryn said as she gave Regina's shoulder a playful nudge. “So, when is Emma supposed to show up?“

“She said she would be here around seven so we have to up our pace if we are to finish everything in time, So,...chop chop.”

“Yes ma'am,” Kathryn said with a nod, as they both continued to clean. She studied Regina and couldn't help but smile. She absolutely loved seeing her friend this carefree and happy.

Emma was really doing wonders for her. But Regina was still married. Kathryn hoped she would do the right thing for everyone involved.

And she hoped that would be soon.

******

“This house is even more beautiful than their beach house,” Emma and Ruby said simultaneously as Belle parked the car.

“Nah, it's not that spectacular,“ the brunette said with a shrug, before she let out a chuckle. “I'm just kidding guys, chill! Now shall we get out of the car or what?“

“That's probably a good idea,” Emma said as she opened the car door and almost face planted on the ground, too worked up to actually see the big curb she had just tripped on.

“Let me take your baggage and guitar while Belle gives you a helping hand since you clearly aren't able to function as a human being at the moment,” Ruby teased as Belle held out her hand for Emma to take.

Regina had seen them from the window and had also giggled at the sight of Emma more or less tumbling out of the car. As she saw them make their way to door though, she took a deep breathe to collect herself.

Emma knocked on the door and almost lost her balance when Regina opened it so quickly.

Their eyes met and both women smiled at each other. And to everybody's surprise, it was Regina that pulled Emma into a kiss before they even had said hi. Both Ruby and Belle had thought it would be the other way around.

“You two lovebirds are so freaking cute!” Kathryn said all of a sudden as she joined them in the hallway and Regina shot her a glare. Something Kathryn didn't even bother about.

“I see you're the embarrassing friend, like me,” Ruby chuckled, then held out her hand to shake. “I'm Ruby by the way and this is my girlfriend Belle.”

“Nice to meet you, I'm Kathryn,” Kathryn replied, then added, “do you want some coffee? I know it's a long ride and I was just about to make some anyway.”

“Yes please,” Belle nodded, and then it hit Regina that they were still standing in the hallway, like a couple of idiots.

“Oh, where are my manners. Please come in,” she said and as soon as Belle had closed the door behind them, blocking out the reality and big possibility of some nosy neighbors seeing them, Regina's hand quickly found its way into Emma's and their fingers intertwined, making them become one against the world again.

“Hi everyone,” Henry said as he came down the stairs. Emma gave Regina a mischievous smile, before she let go of the brunette’s hand and kneeled down in front of Henry, scooped him up in her arms and embraced him in a bear hug.

That sight made Regina's heart almost burst out of love and the whole thing brought an enormous smile to Henry's lips. Such a smile that otherwise only appeared when he saw his father.

“Nice to see you again kid,” Emma said, still holding Henry in her arms. It wasn't like they had talked that much at the beach house, but there was something special about the kid, as it was with his mother. Emma just felt at home with them. A feeling she couldn't get enough of to be honest.

“Nice to meet you again too but I didn't know you was this strong!“ the young boy said with a big grin.

“I'm full of secrets but now that you know that I'm as strong as a grizzly bear, you better not make me angry with you, because I can easily scoop you up and throw you out of the house,” Emma replied with a goofy face, before she put Henry down on the floor then ruffled his hair.

The boys eyes almost refused to leave Emma's, and Regina didn't want to interrupt them, but knew she had to because she wanted to introduce her son to all of the guests. Aside from that, Emma and Henry would have time to get to know each other later. It made her find the courage to speak up.

“Henry, dear, I want you to meet Belle and her girlfriend Ruby. They are not only Emma's roommates but also her best friends. Because you're a couple, if I remember correctly, yes?“

“Yep, that's absolutely right. So how about that coffee then huh?“ Ruby said with a grin, and Regina nodded and pointed in the direction of the kitchen.

“Follow me ladies,” Henry said and left his mother alone for a while with Emma.

“God I've really missed you,“ Emma said as she let her fingertips gently stroke Regina's cheek. “And you're even more beautiful than I remember, which I didn't think could even be possible..”

“You are such a sweet talker,” the brunette purred, then pressed her lips against Emma's again. “And you taste even better than the last time now that I think about it.“

“That's because I bought a new lip balm, with green apples, because you seem to like apples,” Emma said, as her cheeks turned slightly red. She felt like a teenage girl in love again.

“I love you more than apples though, dear, even if I do appreciate the sweet taste,” Regina whispered, then placed kisses along Emma's neck, cheeks and finally lips. The blonde shivered from pleasure and Regina couldn't wait until they laid in bed later together, because she felt a burning urge to tasting every inch of Emma's body.

*****

Even if neither Belle nor Ruby actually wanted to leave, they knew they had to. And especially since it was becoming dark soon, because the old bug’s headlights had seen better days.

Belle groaned as they drove out on the freeway, because she just wanted a new and safer car. Ruby had refused until recently, because, even if Ruby loved the car deeply, since it was like, her very last connection to her grandmother, she had finally agreed to let Belle buy them a new car.

But it had taken months to talk Ruby into going along with it and the agreement that had sealed the deal so to speak, was that the bug was not gonna be hauled off to some junk yard. Instead, Emma's uncle James had agreed to go over it completely to be able to restore it so the friends could use it as an extra car.

“So, let's do this then,” Ruby said as she put the old car in park and met Belle’s eyes. “If my pitbull is ready, that is?“

“Oh, I'm ready for blood if the situation calls for it,” Belle replied, then pretended to growl like a wolf, which made Ruby chuckle.

“That's my girl,” Ruby said as they jumped out of the car and made their way up to the house and knocked on the front door.

“Belle! Ruby! What a pleasant surprise! Come in,” Mary smiled as she ushered them inside. She then realized her daughter wasn't with them, which made her a bit confused. “But where's Emma?“she added.

“Oh, she's at Regina's place and that's actually why we are here,” Ruby said with a pointed, and serious tone in her voice. Mary didn't seem happy over hearing that her daughter was at Regina's place, but she told herself to at least give Ruby and Belle a chance to ‘plead their case’ before losing her temper.

_ Or at least try to stay calm _ she told herself, as they made it to and sat down in the living room to talk. The room was uncomfortably tense, almost making it impossible to breathe.

“So, you two are actually okay with my daughter getting involved with a married woman huh?“ Mary barked out, and Ruby opened her mouth to reply, but wasn't able form any words at all. Thankfully Belle could, to her big relief.

“To begin with, no I wasn't. I admit that I was so angry hearing that Emma was fooling around with a married woman. And not just any random woman, but the wife of the music producer she just had started to work with. I was beyond furious. And Ruby can testify to that,” Belle said and Mary seemed to listen closely, as did Ruby.

The redhead was absolutely blown away by Belle’s ability to express herself, and especially the ability she had to sound so incredibly calm even if the anger was boiling closely beneath the surface.

“But after having numerous arguments with Emma about Regina, I finally realized that my way of handling this situation, only made matters worse. I didn't only behave unfairly, but I also pushed away my friend when she needed me the most. So when I realized that, I swallowed my pride and finally gave Emma the opportunity to tell me her side, and let her explain everything.. And after that.. frankly I changed my mind.”

“So you just changed your mind, Belle? That easily?“ Mary inquired.

“Well Mary, it wasn't easy. No, but not only did I listen to what Emma had to say, I also got the chance to see how happy Regina makes Emma by just simply sitting next to her. It was like something just clicked inside me, as I witnessed how those two broken souls could, if the opportunity was given, make each other whole.”

The words brought tears to Ruby's eyes, but Mary was still not convinced, as she sat and gritted her teeth. How could she not be touched by those words? It didn't make any sense to Ruby.

“But that still doesn't change the fact that Regina is a  _ married  _ woman, so I'm sorry if I can't accept this as easily as you two,” Mary snapped, and Ruby chose to speak her mind.

“Truth be told Mary, you don't have any actual say in this, and you maybe wonder why? Well, it's simple but let me explain it to you anyway because you're behaving like an idiot. You see, your daughter is a grown woman and that means she's allowed to make her own decisions and also her own mistakes. You don't have the power to make any decisions for her anymore. And that's it. Just deal with it.

You might not approve of this, and that is up to you, but don't you ever forget that she is still your daughter despite your differences. And that's not all, she's also your  _ only daughter! _

So if you chose to continue to behave like a asshole, be my guest. But do keep in mind that by doing so, you're only gonna create a bigger wedge between you and Emma. And one day it's gonna be too big to repair and you won't have a daughter at all,“ Ruby growled out and Belle glanced over at her girlfriend.

When it came to family, Ruby was sensitive and it wasn't something weird to Belle that she reacted with such anger like she'd just had done.

Ruby didn't have any biological family of her own, and the the only family she had ever known, had been her grandmother. And when she had passed away, Belle and Emma became her  _ real _ family, and Ruby would never hesitate to defend them. Not even if she had to risk her life doing so.

Belle also knew how much Emma's mother actually meant to Ruby and that she had, in some way, always seen Mary as an extra mom, but that would definitely change if Mary continued to behave like this. Belle’s heart broke for her girlfriend at the moment.

“Do you think Emma's father would have shunned Emma like you have done?“ Belle asked and the question made Mary's head snap in her direction.

“I have not shunned Emma!”

“Well, you kind of have though, if you think about it,” Belle pushed, and by doing so, she gave Ruby a chance to calm down and regain energy, and she knew knew her girlfriend was thankful for it, when she felt Ruby squeeze her hand.

Mary's whole expression in her face changed in a matter of seconds after Belle had mentioned David and Mary suddenly looked regretful, as her actions and words seemed to have caught up with her.

“I never meant to make Emma feel like that.. I just.. I just remember how Lily broke her and.. I just want the best for her. That's the only thing I've ever wanted for her,” Mary finally admitted, her voice laced with concern and regret. But Belle didn't let her off the hook this easily, so she continued.

“And that's why I also reacted with anger at first Mary, but when I stopped and actually thought about it, I realized it's Emma's life and that means her decisions are hers to make. Not mine.

And the only thing we actually can do as, her friends and family, is to support her, and not push her away. Because Emma has lived a lonely life after the terrible breakup with Lily and she, if anybody, deserves to have someone to love because Emma has so much love to offer the world,” Belle said with a resounding smile.

“I've seen them together as well and I can't even remember the last time I saw Emma so happy and carefree,” Ruby said and held up her phone to show Mary a picture she'd taken of Emma and Regina, a picture they of course didn't know had been taken. Mary took the phone and as soon as she saw the smile on her daughter's lips, her eyes teared up.

“So, can you maybe rethink your whole approach towards this?“ Ruby asked.

“I think so,“ Mary said as she gave back the phone to Ruby, then dried her eyes. “I only want Emma to be happy and if Regina makes her happy, I will support her as much as I can. But I think she and I have to talk about this alone before I can let go of all of my anger. And I know she needs it too, so we can clean the air. I do know for sure that David would have told me I was an idiot at once if he had seen my anger and heard my words towards Emma. He would have supported her from the very beginning.“

“I'm happy to hear you say you are willing to try, and that's probably more than most people would do. When it comes to arguments like this, people are too proud to admit their wrongdoings and instead just chose to drift apart instead of talking about it and finding a resolution.

But believe me when I say that I had difficulty accepting this as well to begin with but my anger was actually only a reaction to my real emotion, and that was fear.

I was so scared that Emma would be hurt because I saw her at her absolute lowest point and I was the one to put Emma back together, so to speak, after Lily broke her. 

I can't even begin to count all those nights Emma cried in my arms because of Lily, and I can never forget in what bad shape she was. So I was of course and I am still, terrified that will happen again, but it's Emma's life and it's up to her to decide. Both Ruby and I of course hope this will not be a mistake.”

“I'm happy my daughter has such wonderful friends as you,” Mary said with a crooked smile. “And I’m also sorry for behaving so badly.. “

“Already forgotten. Now, that we have gotten that out of the way, do you have anything to eat?“ Ruby asked and they all broke out in laughter.

*****

While Regina and Kathryn were preparing the food, Emma and Henry sat in the living room. The blonde was playing on her guitar on the couch while Henry studied her from an armchair. It was then an idea started to grow in her head, as she suddenly stopped playing and met the boys curious eyes.

“Do you want to play, kid? “ she asked and Henry shook his head. “Why not?“

“I don't know how to... My dad has tried couple of times to teach me, but I think I'm a lost cause. Besides that, I'm not a musician like you guys,” Henry replied with a shrug. 

“That's nonsense, kid. Everyone can learn, so come here and I'll show you,” Emma said, then patted the seat next to her to make Henry join her. He hesitated at first but soon enough he sat down beside her.

“And just between the two of us, I actually broke all strings numerous of times on my dad's guitar when he tried to teach me, so if I can learn, so can you, I promise,” Emma said with a low voice along with a reassuring smile, as she put her beloved Fender guitar in Henry's lap.

The boys eyes widened, and it made Emma smile. She was certain she must have looked exactly like that the first time her father had placed a guitar in her own lap when she was not more than a kid.

“Gina, where do…“ Kathryn began to say, but stopped as she noticed Regina standing in the doorway. She carefully tiptoed to stand by her side and smiled as she saw Henry interact with Emma.

“I can't take my eyes off of them… they are so cute together,” Regina whispered, then added, “And I know you don't really know much about instruments but that guitar Emma is trusting my son with is a old Fender and it's a really expensive brand, especially old ones like that one.”

“Huh, how about that. I also have to say that they really make a beautiful match those two. And that's good! Especially if Henry is gonna call Emma  _ mom _ in the future,” Kathryn said with a wink, before she went back to the stove, and Regina rolled her eyes at her friend, but didn't move so much as a millimeter.

Emma chuckled at Henry as he struggled to find the best way to hold the guitar but she did like her father had done with her, she simply sat back and gave him all the time he needed, and as her eyes left him for a second, she noticed Regina was watching them, and as their eyes met, both women smiled. Simply looking into Regina's eyes, recharged Emma's almost empty batteries.

And when Emma glanced back to Henry, she suddenly realized that if she and Regina were to actually become a couple, Emma would  become Henry's stepmother. But it didn't scare her one bit.

And in that precisely given moment, Emma knew she would fight for this. She wouldn't let this slip through her fingers because this was where Emma was supposed to be. Where she belonged.

*****

When it was time for bed, Regina was sitting at the head of the bed, not finding herself able to take off her blouse or pants. Even if Regina had showed her scars to Emma the last time, the anxiety started to rise with every breath. It was like her body just stopped working. The only thing she wanted right now though, was to cover herself completely.

And it was almost like Emma had read her mind when she felt Emma sit down behind her and wrap her arms around her protectively, then she pressed tender kisses against her neck.

Emma's fingertips started to almost dance up and down Regina's arms, and even if she relaxed a bit, she was still tense. Suddenly Emma gently grabbed Regina's right arm, then the blonde's lips made contact with the scars that had been created the first time Regina had attempted suicide.

“I will kiss every scar on your body if I need to, every night before we go to sleep, if only to make you understand I don't see these scars as something disgusting or scary. And neither should you do, darling. These scars are a part of who you are, but not  _ who you are,  _ do you understand? And to me, these are battle scars, each with a different story of how you survived something that tried to break you."

“How did you survive what tried to break you?“ Regina asked and Emma pulled back, making Regina immediately regret her question. She turned around and watched Emma curl up into almost a ball, with her back against the wall, her knees up to her chin.

“I'm sorry Emma, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.. I.. You don't have to answer my question if you aren’t comfortable.”

“No it's.. It's okay. I just… I haven't really talked about what life was like after the break up with Lily…“ Emma said with a shrug. “I can just say working as a bartender at a bikers club came quite in handy when I was so broken. I was drunk from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep. I couldn't cope otherwise..”

“Oh..” Regina replied, and she didn't want to say anything more than that, because she knew the pain of being so addicted to something.

“Yeah. But it's okay.. It's not that hard to talk about anymore.. The thing that finally happened that lead to mine and Lily's breakup though.. That's still painful, even to think about. Mostly because it wasn't like she cheated on me once, it was more like… Three or maybe four times. I don't really remember… “ Emma replied with a shrug, refusing to meet Regina's eyes.

“You have to have loved her so much if you gave her so many chances, now didn't you?“

Emma looked up and met Regina's eyes.

“I can't possibly begin to describe how fucking much I loved Lily… “ the blonde finally admitted, and it made her heart ache even more. She hadn't talked very much about Lily with neither Belle nor Ruby, even if Belle had been told some things. It was like someone was ripping out her already broken heart out of her chest now, as she was reminded of all those painful memories she only wanted to forget.

Regina carefully sat down next to Emma and was positively surprised when the blonde seeked comfort in her arms, so Regina pulled her as close as she could. 

“I'm never gonna hurt you like Lily did, that I can promise you,” Regina said absolutely

“That's just the problem. You are already hurting me, even if not it's the same way Lily did, but you're married Regina. And we're living some kind of lie where I'm the mistress. I really do love you, but at the same time this whole situation is fucking tearing me apart “

Regina had to bite her lip not to cry, and the urge to hurting herself started to crawl under her skin.

Here she was laying in her bed, holding another woman that made her heart skip a beat, but it was the same bed that her husband had laid in hours earlier with his arms around her.

Regina couldn't breathe and when she was certain Emma had fallen asleep, she snuck out of the bedroom, and tiptoed through the hallway. She heard Kathryn snore from the guest room, then glanced into Henry's room where he slept as well. Regina continued to tiptoe into the bathroom and locked the door behind her quickly, not wanting to risk getting caught.

She was shaking like a leaf right now, as she started to go through the bathroom cupboard. She needed a release and when she found a razor blade Robin had probably forgotten to hide, she felt like a kid on Christmas.

Regina knew she shouldn't do this, because this would only makes matters worse for everyone, Emma to say the least, but as it was now, Regina couldn't stop herself. So, she sunk down on the floor, her head against the wall, and then she let the razor blade dance over her wrist, pressing it harder every time.

Then she blacked out. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for the feedback you guys, it's so awesome! Here's another chapter for you!
> 
> Rock on!

“Regina?“ Emma mumbled into the dark, but when she didn't get a reply, panic quickly started to set in, especially when she understood she was alone in the bed.

The blonde quickly flicked on the lamp, then made her way out of the room in order to find Regina. The hallway was dark, and Emma didn't know which way to go, not until she saw a light underneath one of the doors. She upped her pace, tripping over some plant along her way, but she didn't care. A broken vase was the least of her worries at the moment.

“Regina?“ she called out , but there was no response. The blonde grabbed the door handle and tried to turn it  but it was locked, making her panic rise even more. She called out Regina's name again, but didn't get a response this time around either, so she took a deep breath before she kicked in the door.

“Regina!“ Emma screamed, as she saw the brunette passed out on the floor, in a puddle of her own blood. Emma knew this was a sight that would haunt her for years to come, but she didn't have the time to break down right now. She had to react quickly because she didn't know how long Regina had been passed out.

Emma reached for a towel and wrapped it around Regina's bloody arm, desperately trying to wake the brunette up and stop the blood flow in any kind of way she could imagine. Nothing seemed to work and as she wrapped her arms around Regina she felt how her tears began to roll down her cheeks. 

“Please wake up… “ she whispered, shivering as she realized that she may never hear Regina's voice again.

Suddenly Regina groaned from the pain and Emma felt her heart stop for a second, before she pulled back and met her eyes.

“Emma…?“ the brunette managed to say before her voice cracked.

“Yes baby, I'm here… “ she replied and offered her a small, sad smile. Everything felt so unreal at the moment, and not in a good way. Even if she of course was happy that Regina was awake.

“Please… get Kathryn. She.. is.. a nurse,” Regina mumbled and Emma nodded, but before she stood to her feet, she took the razor that had fallen on the floor, put it in her pocket, then pressed a timid kiss to Regina's lips.

*****

“Kathryn, Kathryn, I need you,” Emma said as she rushed into another spare bedroom and turned on the lamp in the room. The older blonde blinked her sleepy eyes open and as soon as she saw how pale Emma looked, she was fast on her feet.

“Is Gina okay?“ Kathryn asked when she pulled on a pair of sweatpants she had laying on the floor.

“Well, not exactly… “ Emma replied as she held up the bloody razor. She didn't have the energy to speak anymore. She had never found anyone like that, so she was feeling sick to her stomach, while Kathryn still looked calm and collected. Then again, Emma guessed it wasn't the first time she had been through a situation like this with Regina.

She reached for a medical bag she had in her purse and she stroked Emma's back gently and offered her a crooked smile.

“It's not your fault Emma, just remember that, okay?“ she said, only receiving a head nod as a reply.

Regina didn't dare to meet either of their eyes and the room was deadly silent as Kathryn kneeled down in front of her, and removed the bloody towel. Emma stood frozen by the door post, even if her eyes didn't leave Regina. She watched carefully what Kathryn was doing.

After she had dried the arm of all of the blood, Emma was relieved to see there weren't so many cuts as she'd first thought. But that didn't matter, because those that were there, were deep. So deep that Regina most certainly could have bled to death if Emma had not found her when she did. As Kathryn reached down in her pocket for a needle so she could stitch together the cuts, Emma's stomach churned. She quickly removed herself from the room and Kathryn heard how she slammed the door to the other, smaller bathroom. It was then that her eyes met Regina’s.

“Why did you do this, Gina? I thought having Emma here would make you happy, not the other way around,” Kathryn cautiously attempted to find out.

“I just.. I panicked.. “ Regina replied, and hissed in pain as her cuts were stitched together. She had forgotten how painful that part of the process was.

“I get that, darling, and I know Emma is probably panicking too. But don't put her through this as well. Please just talk to her instead of hurting yourself next time, okay? Or wake me up if you need to,“ Kathryn spoke in a calm and soothing way, and Regina nodded.

She was so relieved that neither of them were angry with her, but she still felt terrible. She knew Kathryn had both endured and rescued her in situations such as this, numerous times before, but Emma had never seen her like this. And it was something she had hoped to never to put her through. Regina's demons sadly had their ways of defeating her, just as always.

“So, that should be all better,” Kathryn said as she put down her needle and Regina looked at her arm. To her relief only four cuts had to be stitched, the rest only needed cleaning. “Now go to her Gina, because she needs you right now.”

****

Emma splashed her face with water but still looked pale, like she had just seen a ghost and she was still nauseous even though she had puked twice. Her head was spinning and she wobbled back to the bedroom and just as she sat down on the bed, the door opened and she turned around to see Regina.

“I'm sorry… “ the brunette said as she sat down next to the younger woman. Emma didn't reply immediately though, as she first let her fingers gently brush against all the cuts, before her eyes met Regina's.

“I thought I had lost you… “ she managed to get out before she broke down in tears once again. She hadn't cried this much since Lily, but now she couldn't stop herself. She had never been so scared, and Regina cupped her face in her hands, refusing to let Emma break eye contact.

“I'm sorry you had to see me like that.. I truly am…” Regina said, her voice shaking and trembling.

“Why didn't you just wake me up? Why did you… “ the brunette cut her off with a kiss, making Emma feel only more confused, and she knew it was just a matter of time before this sadness would turn into anger.

“I don't have an answer to that question, and I don't even know why I chose to hurt myself because I haven't done that for years.. I just panicked and when I found the razor, I simply couldn't stop myself….”

The words didn't make Emma feel better in any way, so she pulled back and stood to her feet, then started to pace back and forth in the room. Regina could only watch as Emma's fear and sadness started to turn into anger. She hated to argue and had never done it with Robin, not even once, but he was an entirely different person than Emma. He could handle situations like this without turning to such feelings, but he was older and had more life experience. Or well something like that…

“Don't you think this situation is hard as it is already Regina?!“ Emma barked out. “Or shall we just continue to make it even harder, because if so, I swear I will walk out of that fucking door and  **_never_ ** look back! And believe me, I will if I have to.“

When the words had left Emma's tongue, she turned around to look at Regina, who sat on the bed, looking utterly terrified. It was almost like she was just waiting for Emma to strike her, and that made the blonde snap out of her anger. She didn't mean to make Regina feel even worse than she already did about this, but that was just what she was doing, by reacting like this.

“Regina, look,” Emma said as she kneeled down in front of her, “I'm just not sure if I'm able to handle this as well..as...you know,“ Emma trailed off and left the rest unsaid.

“If not, you know where the door is,” Regina replied with a hiss, then pushed Emma backwards causing her to tumble down on the floor. 

“What on earth is wrong with you?!“ Emma shot back, as she brushed herself off and stood up.

“Compared to you, absolutely nothing! But if you honestly can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!” Regina shouted.

“Fine then, I'll go!“ Emma snarled as she grabbed her stuff and ran downstairs. She almost collided with Kathryn on her way out who didn't know if she should go after Emma or go to Regina.

*****

It was way too far for Emma to walk home, so she went to some bar in the nearby city. It was cramped full of people but she couldn't care less. She just ordered two vodka shots that she downed quickly, before ordering two more.

Everything was spinning because she wasn't used to this kind of harsh liquor anymore. But she didn't care, and she ordered two more. It was after those shots, that she felt a hand on her shoulder, making her turn around.

 

She didn't believe her eyes. 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for all the love and rewiews, you are so awesome! This is gonna be emotional ride but bare with me. It's a slow burn but swanqueen is endgame so let's get this shoe on the road :) 
> 
> Rock on!

_Lily…._

Emma turned around and simply froze in her spot. She almost forgot to breath when their eyes met, and her whole body almost shut down, as she was facing the woman she had never thought to see ever again. Lily offered her a shy and timid smile before she sat down next to her and Emma gulped, almost panicking.

It was a confusing feeling, though, as she realized that Lily was even more beautiful than Emma had remembered her to be…

“Emma, wow. I would never have expected to see you again,” Lily said. _And I never wanted to see you again_ Emma thought to herself, but chose to keep those words unsaid.

She didn't have the energy for more drama. However at the same time, there was so many words burning on the tip on her tongue. Words she had wanted to say to this woman for so, so many years.

“So, how are you doing?“ Lily asked with a careful smile, and just seeing her behave so calm, as if they were two friends simply catching up, made Emma feel uneasy, and she gritted her teeth.

It felt like Lily was behaving as if the chaos and heartbreak she'd put Emma through, had never happened. But Emma couldn't ignore it. She just _couldn't_. So the anger inside her rose with every breath.

“Well, since you _broke_ me, I've been trying to get back on my feet..” Emma barked out, as she ordered another round of drinks. She was so tired, so confused and wanted nothing more than to be left alone, and yet here she was, facing the person who had made her life a living hell.

This night couldn't get any worse, now could it?

“I'm sorry for what happened between us Emma, I really am…“ Lily suddenly said, and the tone in her voice caught Emma off guard. It didn't sound like this was any of those bullshit excuses that Lily had used in the past. No, it really sounded like she meant what she just had said, which made Emma feel torn.

_How can she still get under my skin like this?_

Lily had been the love of Emma's life, and despite everything that had happened between them, Emma still remembered all the good times. And god, had there been so many of those. And in some way, Emma would never stop loving her.

 _God I'm so goddamn stupid, aren't I? Why do I even let her talk to me? She deserves nothing but a bitch slap_ the younger blonde thought to herself, when Lily's voice brought her back to reality.

“Hey, look, I know I fucked up Emma, I do.. and I know I treated you horribly wrong. No words in the world can excuse that…” Lily said, and she took a deep breath before she continued,

“believe me, when I say this but I have thought about you over the years, trying to find the courage to reach out to you, just to apologize, but I haven't… I just.. I haven't been able to form the words, and it still feels impossible.”

Emma was tugging on her lower lip, carefully listening to what Lily had to say, and at the same time, she studied Lily closely, trying to read between the lines.

She had learned to read Lily like an open book, and would easily know if she tried to lie, but she wasn't. She wasn't putting on some kind of act and she wasn't trying to manipulate her.

Her words were sincere and Lily seemed to be really regretful for the first fucking time in her life, when Emms noticed the tears that threatened to spill over in any given second. Emma then chose to swallow the anger, at least for awhile, as her hand gently intertwined with Lily's, then gave it a gentle squeeze.

“God… you don't know how much I've missed you…“ Emma said, almost whispered.

She didn't mean for the words to be said out loud but they accidentally slipped her tongue… it was then that Lily's lips carefully connected with hers, and Emma didn't push her back. No. Instead she depended the kiss.

She didn't know why, so she chose to blame the alcohol. But she wasn't really _that_ drunk… so Emma still knew what she was doing.

At the same time though, she couldn't stop herself.

******

The hours seemed to fly by, and Emma and Lily kept talking about their past, patching wounds neither of them even knew they had and in a way, Emma felt at ease.

She guessed she never would forget, or even forgive Lily for what she had done, but now she could accept what had happened, and hopefully move on.

It was when the bartender called out last round, that Emma quickly realized she didn't have a place to stay for the night. She didn't want to call Belle or Ruby because it was such a long drive to get there and she didn't want to go back to Regina's.

Not in this state, drunk as she was.

“So, ehm Lily, I know this is a really weird question but do you think I can crash on your couch for the night?“ Emma asked carefully and tugged on her lower lip. She didn't want this, because it felt like she was about to let herself fall for Lily again, in some say. She didn't really understand what was going on right now but as Lily met her with a nod and a smile, Emma felt her heart skip a beat.

 _What the actual fuck am I doing?_ she wondered as Lily paid for all the drinks, then grabbed her hand to lead them out of the bar and home to her apartment.

Emma followed, even if a bit of her was screaming to just let go of Lily's hand and simply leave. She didn't do that though. It was like she ignored all the warning signals in her head, and instead followed Lily home.

She didn't live especially far away from the bar and Emma chuckled as she was let inside the apartment. She noticed Lily's apartment looked almost identical to the one the two of them had shared all those years ago. The only thing that was different, was that this place had much higher standards.

Emma hung up her jacket, then wobbled into the bedroom. She didn't know why, she just did. But then again, hadn't that been what she had been doing all night? Not really understanding what the hell she was doing?

She rolled her eyes at herself, then collapsed on the bed when a picture on the nightstand suddenly caught her attention. It couldn't be what she thought it was, now could it?

Curious as she was, Emma reached for the picture frame and felt the tears sting in her eyes when she realized it was actually a picture of her and Lily.

It had been taken in the beginning in their relationship, before anything bad had happened. Emma had been so happy back then.

They were sitting by a campfire in her mom's backyard. Emma had her arm around Lily, and her beloved Fender laid in her lap. She could still remember that night, along with all the shared kisses, laughs and stories. Ruby and Belle had been with them too, and it had been one of the most beautiful moments in their relationship.

Then Emma frowned. Why the hell had Lily kept this picture for all these years and why was it next to her bed? It just didn't make any damn sense!

*******

When Lily finally came into the bedroom, Emma was still holding the picture in her hands. But now, she was shaking and her eyes met Lily's when the older blonde sat down next to her.

“Why do you still have this picture?“ Emma managed to say, before her voice broke and the tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“Because I was so happy back then Ems.. And I never wanted to forget that…. Our us. Or _you.”_

The words were like knives in Emma's already broken heart.

“Then why the fuck did you cheat on me?! If you were so happy with me? Why did you treat me like you did?!“ Emma snapped, then stood to her feet.

“I wish I could answer those questions, but I can't. Because I'm done with trying to make excuses for all the shit I've done.. “ Lily replied as she walked up to stand in front of Emma.

“I was so close to asking you to marry me, you know. I had even bought the ring and everything, because I loved you, despite the shit you did to me… Because I loved you so fucking much Lily… and I probably still do..“

 _Fuck!_ Emma thought to herself, as she realized it was the second time words that weren't supposed to be said, had been uttered that night. Lily's eyes widened and Emma was about to turn around to leave, but was stopped when Lily gripped both her hands, making her do a twirl.

“And I still love you to Ems. Why do you think I've kept that picture for so many years, huh? Because I still love you.. ”

Their eyes locked and Emma felt how her whole world was turned upside down, once again. It was like she was being pulled in two different directions.

On one side was Regina, the beautiful, yet broken soul, that Emma had already come to love. A woman she knew would never intentionally hurt her, but would she ever leave Robin to truly be together with her? Emma doubted it…

And on the other side, stood the woman who had been Emma's first love. But she had cheated on her, broken her and had been the reason as to why Emma had chosen a lonely life.

She just didn't want to get hurt again.

But now, what was she supposed to do? She still cared deeply for Lily, even if she didn't want to admit it to herself. She just felt like neither of the so-called _options_ she had, were good.

So it would probably be a good idea for her to return home, build up her walls around herself again and not let anyone near. Ever again.

“I'm just gonna crash on the couch and I promise that I'm gonna be gone by the time you wake up,” Emma replied through gritted teeth as she pulled back. She was too tired for this.

_What the actual fuck are you doing, Emma?_

The younger blonde closed the bedroom door with a bang, and as she sunk down on the couch, she could hear Lily sob on the other side of the door..

Her heart broke, but she pulled the blanket over her head, trying to not cry herself. Everything was spinning and she scolded herself that she had drank so much. And that she had actually went back to her ex’s place. It was so incredibly stupid. Stupid beyond words.

She reached down in her pocket and noticed she had a couple of missed calls, along with some texts. Everything was from Regina. A groan escaped Emma's lips as she opened the texts to read them, but chose to not reply just yet.

 **Regina :** where are you?

 **Regina** : please answer me.

 **Regina** : Emma, I'm sorry. Please just tell me you're somewhere safe.

 **Regina** I hope you're okay. Just give me a reply.

But Emma didn't answer either of the texts. Instead she deleted them, and threw away her phone, and it bounced against the couch, before it landed on the floor with a bang.

Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, and finally the tears started to find their way down her cheeks. She realized this was enough. She couldn't continue this… whatever it now was, with Regina, if she continued to be married.

Emma didn't want to open up just to be thrown away again, like some toy, as she remembered what Belle had said that night at the beach house. That Regina could just use her as some sexual experiment, even if she never would do such a thing, it still felt like she was.

Emma sobbed and wanted to scream, wanted to punch something, anything, to get some kind of release...

It was then the bedroom door carefully opened and she looked up from the blanket and saw Lily standing in front of the couch.

She was wearing a big black t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Emma's heart skipped a beat, because she couldn't, even if she wanted to, deny how beautiful Lily was.

Her eyes were red from crying though and Emma patted the spot next to her on the couch, to tell Lily to keep her company and she carefully sat down next to her.

Emma quickly wrapped her arms around her and for a second, it was like Emma didn't remember all the terrible things Lily and she had gone through. In this moment, she just felt safe, and whole, as she caught a whiff of that familiar scent of Lily's mango shampoo.

“I've missed you,” the older blonde mumbled into Emma's shoulder. “I've really have.“

Their eyes met and Emma cupped her face in her hands, then pressed a kiss against those lips she had missed more than she had let herself realize.

The kisses became deeper and soon enough, Emma had straddled Lily's lap, and pulled off the shirt of her. Emma placed hungry kisses against Lily's skin, along her neck, down her chest and then to her breasts. God how she had missed this.

Suddenly Emma was pushed backwards  and she met Lily's eyes, and the older blonde was tugging nervously on her lower lip.

“Ems, you shouldn't. We should… probably not go down this road again.”

“What are you talking about?“ Emma asked, dumbfounded.

“I know you, Ems and I can see it in your eyes that this isn't about either me our us but about someone else. So you're just frustrated and instead of dealing with that problem, you're kinda doing what I did to you when I was angry or upset with you… you're mirroring my behavior Ems and I don't want you to do that..“

The words made Emma pull back, as she realized that Lily was maybe on to something.

“I'll get us something to drink and then we can talk about her, if you want to?“ Lily said gently, carefully, receiving a small nod from Emma as a reply, before she left the room.

******

“Her name is Regina.. And I'm absolutely crazy about her… but.. It's never gonna happen.. “ Emma said after a long moment of silence.

“Is she the first one after me that you've actually let in close?“ Lily asked, her voice laced with regret and sadness.

“Yes,” Emma replied quickly.

“Then I guess she's gotta be special huh?“

“Oh yes… I mean.. words can't describe exactly how special she is.. But I have been naive.. So I have to let her go. The problem is that I really don't want to... “ Emma admitted.

 _And I didn't want to let you go either_ she thought to herself, as she tugged on her lower lip.

“Is she together with someone else or something?“

“Yep.. She's married.. And to be real, I don't actually think she is ever gonna leave him.. So.. I have been trapped in some dream, telling myself she is mine. But… I slowly realized that's never gonna happen... “

Lily's hands gripped Emma's, and their eyes locked. It was like both of them thought everything would have been so much easier if they still had been together. And had they been, they probably have been married by now, maybe even had a kid. It made Emma feel even worse.

“Hey, Emma, look,” Lily said, her voice shaking. “I know I fucked up, so, so much by treating you like I did. But like I said earlier, I'm not going to try to excuse my behavior because it was not okay in any way. But if you want to listen, I can at least explain why I was such a fucking idiot?”

Emma had never seen or heard Lily sound this fragile, and she had always wondered why Lily had actually done what she had, because despite all the terrible stuff Lily had put Emma through, beneath everything, Lily had such a beautiful soul and had such a big heart. She had made Emma so happy…. So she nodded her agreement after a while.

“Well, I've been in therapy for years, and haven't really had a girlfriend since we broke up… and I know I never spoke much about my childhood, more than I mentioned my mom and our weird relationship, but if you think about it, I never said a word about my dad.

I guess I didn't want to even think about him, but after all these years of therapy, I've realized that my behavior and the whole thing with cheating.. That behavior is something I got from my dad.. And I'm not trying to excuse myself but I want you to understand... “

Emma couldn't hold back her tears and neither could Lily, as she continued.

“Anyhow, he treated mom like shit, and I never learned how to handle feelings very well…

I just learned how to use sex as some kind to self abuse. Because that was what dad did to my mom. Every time they fought, dad left the house and a couple of times I followed him and he went to all kind of different strip clubs and mom, well, she chose to look the other way even if it was obvious to her what was going on, when even I understood it as a small kid.“

“Why didn't you never tell me this? I mean… we could have tried to fix it,” Emma said between sobs.

“I didn't see my behavior as anything wrong back then though, that was the biggest problem. So why should I fix something that wasn't broken?” Lily replied with a shrug. “And I loved you so much Emma and I still do. I just wasn't ready to do something about my, well, behavior. “

“Shit… “

“Yeah you can say that.. “ Lily said with a sad smile. “So that was why I stopped you earlier because even if I wanted to have sex with you Emma, I know that wasn't something you actually wanted, you just needed to feel something, anything but the hurt and anger that's inside of you because of Regina.”

“Well you might have a point with what you're saying.. Still…. I don't know..I just… I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.”

“That I can't tell you, what you should do about Regina, but the last thing I want you to do is to do what I did against Regina. Because even if you're not actually together with her for the moment you are not the kind of person who cheats on someone you love.”

Emma opened her mouth to reply, but closed it quickly again, simply staring at Lily.

“I know you haven't told me but I know you love her Ems. You have to talk to her anyway and tell her what you're thinking.. Just be honest with her and if it never becomes the two of you, well then it simply wasn't meant to be you know?“

“Who would have thought that I would get relationship advice from my ex,“ Emma chuckled through the tears.

“Well, life is full of surprises Ems.. Anyway, Just sleep it off baby, and call her tomorrow, okay? And if you do I’ll make those blueberry pancakes for breakfast as a reward, okay?“

The words that escaped Emma's lips now though were words neither of them knew how to react to.

  
“But what about if I actually want you back Lily, huh?”


	21. Chapter 21

“Care to explain why Emma stormed out of the house like she did?“ Kathryn asked as she walked into Regina's bedroom, where she found her friend sitting on the edge of the bed, with tears rolling down her cheeks, which she dried quickly when she realized Kathryn was there.

“I don't know…“ Regina replied with a shrug.

“Darling, don't shut me out. Please?“ Kathryn said gently as she sat down next to her trembling friend.

“I don't actually know what happened, if I should be honest... But I told her that if she couldn't handle… this,” Regina replied, pointing at her cuts, before she added, “me at my very worst… then she doesn't deserve me at my very best.. So... I think we just kinda, broke up? Oh I don't… know.”

“Hey, come on, you didn't break up. No, you just had a fight baby, and that happens to everyone, okay?”

“But I have never fought with Robin!“ Regina quickly shot back, confusion shining in her eyes.

“Don't compare the two of them Gina because they are two totally different people. Besides that, Robin has often chosen to take a step back when you're not doing good, while Emma hasn't. So in a way, Emma challenges you and that's not something you're used to. So I think that's the reason you lashed out.”

Regina shrugged again, not really sure if she understood what Kathryn was talking about because her mind was occupied elsewhere.

The only thing Regina was sure about though, was that even if Emma really had walked out of her life for good, she still needed to talk to Robin about getting a divorce. She didn't want to continue to live like this.

But then again, did she really want to leave the only real home and family that she had ever had? The only safety net she'd ever known? The anxiety was crawling beneath her skin and her mind was racing.

“I wish to be left alone now, Kathryn.. “

“Of course darling, but if you need me, I'm in my room, okay?“

*******

Robin blinked his eyes open, and when he realized it was in the middle of the night, he quickly rose with a start and answered the phone. He was terrified something terrible had happened with his wife.

“Hello?” Robin spoke quickly into the receiver.

“Hi Robin, it's me. And I'm sorry I woke you up this late,” the brunette said with a sigh.

“Don't worry about that dear. But is everything okay?“ Robin asked carefully. It was a relief to him to hear Regina's voice, but at the same time, something had to be wrong. Otherwise, why would she have called this late?

Regina looked down at her cuts, then rolled down her sleeve without really knowing or understanding why. It wasn't like Robin could actually see her, but it still felt good for her to cover them.

She knew what she was about to say though, was gonna break his heart, so she chose to keep her relapse a secret. She didn't want to make him even more sad or upset...

“Regina?“ he repeated again, as the brunette had become deadly silent, bringing her back to the presence.

“okay… what.. What I'm supposed to tell you right now is probably going to make you sad or even, disappointed with me, but I need to get this off of my chest. So please bare with me,” her voice was laced with sorrow and pain, and Robin heard the anxiety just in the way Regina was breathing.

“I'm listening dear. Just.. take your time.”

His voice was so kind, which made the doubt start to set in once again. Did she  _ really _ want to do this? Did she really want to break up with the first, and only, person who had given her a real family for the first time in her whole life? Did she want to leave the man who had given her everything she had?

Regina tugged on her lower lip, because she didn't even know if she would ever see her beloved blonde again. She, who, had been the reason for this call to begin with.

But then again, regardless of that, Regina knew she couldn't continue to live this lie. It wasn't fair to Robin. Or fair to herself.

“I owe everything to you Robin, absolutely everything and I can never thank you enough for the life you have given me, but I can't continue to live with you, because what you feel for me, isn't what I feel for you.”

The brunette stopped to catch her breathe, and she would have thought it would be easier to say this over the phone, but it wasn't. It felt even harder somehow!

Because if Robin had been here, in front of her, right now, he would have taken her hand in his and given it a gentle squeeze, offered her a timid smile and told her he would always love her, no matter what was going to happen.  _ God… I'm going to break his heart… _

“Regina I.. “ Robin said, but Regina quickly cut him off, because she knew if she didn't say this now, all of it, she would never be able to get it said.

“Robin.. Please.. This is hard enough as it is… but.. I've been thinking about this… well, a divorce, for years….. But I love you, I really do, only more as my friend, and you are truly my best friend, so I don't love you as my husband. And staying together with you… when I know that is how I feel… that isn't fair to you.. Because you love me more than the whole world.”

The tears slowly started to roll down her cheeks, but Regina quickly dried them off. She felt pathetic, because she didn't have a right to be sad. She who was the bad one in all of this.

“And the reason for me being able to finally take this huge step, we'll, it's Emma… and I hate myself for what I'm going to admit now but... l fell for her already the first time I saw her and I know I'm a terrible person because I have been fooling around with her behind your back.

I wanted to leave you for her, and I still do, but then I got into an argument with her so I don't even know if I'm ever gonna see her again. But all of that aside, I still need to leave you. I'm sorry,” Regina said in one quick breath, and then still managed to hold hers while waiting for Robin to reply.

When Regina had finally gotten the words off her chest, she broke down and started to sob, nervous to hear Robin's reply.

“Regina, my dear Regina, to begin with, that you have the courage to admit this, that alone makes me so proud of you. You've grown so much as a person.” Robin said, then added, “And even if you tell me Emma is the reason, I think she maybe was the final push that you needed.”

Regina frowned. How could he be  _ this _ calm? And supportive? Why wasn't he screaming at her, like anybody else would have? She knew he was a kind man and a gentle soul but she had expected some kind of other reaction. His calmness that otherwise made her relax, almost made her lose it this time around.

“How can you be this calm Robin? Haven't you listened to one word I've just told you?!” she hissed.

“Yes, I am hurt, but I'm not going to scream at you, because, what would that change?“

Regina’s mouth was left open, because she wasn't sure how she should reply, because he was right. But then again, she was anticipating this to be their first argument.

“I will be home tomorrow afternoon dear, so get yourself some sleep and we'll talk more about this then, okay?“

“Sure.. “ Regina replied and hung up, then collapsed on the bed. It took some time but sleep finally came to her. Sadly, the nightmares did as well.

*****

Emma smiled when that oh so familiar scent of blueberry pancakes reached her nose. She laid on the couch with her eyes closed for a while, almost feeling as if she was reliving the times she and Lily once had shared. The happy times. Those times Emma never would forget.

“Come on now sleepy head, I'm not gonna serve you or cut your damn pancakes for ya,”

Lily said with a chuckle, and Emma blinked her eyes open to see her ex standing in the doorway, with a beaming smile on her lips.

For a second Emma didn't remember anything of the shit and chaos from the previous night, and she felt truly happy. Even if she knew she lived in a kind of dream right now.

“I know you, and you have already cut my pancakes so now you're just trying to play hard to get, baby.”

The words made both women suddenly freeze, because Emma hadn't really meant for them to be said out loud. She cleared her throat and offered Lily a nervous smile. Neither of them said anything more and Emma stood to her feet, then headed for the bathroom. She splashed her face with cold water and groaned as she met her reflection.

What the fuck was she doing? And how could she behave like everything between her and Lily was suddenly okay and forgotten? All the years of darkness she'd lived through…

“Emma? Are you okay?“ Lily asked as she stood right outside the bathroom door when Emma came out into the hallway.

Worried eyes met conflicted ones.

“I.. Ehm, I think I have to go.. you know.. back to Regina.. “ Emma stuttered, almost feeling ashamed of her words. Lily simply nodded, then took a step forward and placed a timid kiss on Emma's lips.

“You're doing the right thing, my little warrior” Lily replied and Emma simply shrugged as she reached for her jacket, then pulled it on. “Keep me updated, okay? I have the same number as I had before.”

Emma nodded and pressed one last kiss on Lily's lips, before she left for Regina's house.

_ Why did I even kiss her to begin with? _

****

Regina was sitting on the front porch, sipping on her coffee when she suddenly noticed Emma walking down the curb. She felt a smile appear on her lips at the sheer sight, as she stood to her feet and walked up to meet the blonde.

Emma tugged on her lower lip, but smiled timidly at the sight of Regina. She looked tired and sad, when she finally pulled her into her a deep kiss. After parting, Emma stroked her cheek and Regina smiled at her too.

“I’m relieved to see you're okay…“ Regina said. “So I hope you slept somewhere safe?“

It wasn't like Emma wanted to lie, right there and now, but at the same time she didn't want to fight with Regina again. So she chose to just nod, and was thankful the brunette didn't ask with who or where she had stayed.

“I'm sorry for my behavior last night.. I reacted so badly but Kathryn talked me straight, I guess,” Regina said after a moment of silence.

“Don't worry, I guess I kinda behaved like a idiot as well, by pushing you too hard.. But let's start over, shall we?“ Emma said, almost mumbled.

“Absolutely,” Regina replied, as her hand intertwined with the blonde’s, and lead her back to the house. “Are you hungry? I think there's a bit of the breakfast Kathryn made left if you want some.”

“I'm always hungry,” Emma chuckled and was just about to enter the house when she felt Regina pull her back.

“I wanted to say this before it slips my mind…“ Regina said, her voice trembling. “But.. anyway.. I called Robin the other night… And I told him about, well, us.”

Emma's eyes widened and her jaw dropped to the ground, not expecting this to happen… like, ever.

“You.. You did?“

“Uh oh,” Regina nodded, looking past Emma. 

“Shit… that took balls,” Emma said with a timid and crooked smile. “So, what's the next step?“

Before Regina had the chance to reply though, a familiar car pulled up in the driveway and both women froze.

_ Robin.  _


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm terribly sorry for the wait, but here you have a extra long chapter! 
> 
> I'm a bit stuck at the moment, so if you have any kind of suggestions or scenarios that could happen, don't hesitate to comment them below. 
> 
> Rock on!

Emma stood frozen to the ground as she watched Robin park the car, and her eyes searched for Regina's. Her whole world was spinning at the moment and she felt like whatever she did, she would only make matters worse. 

But Regina's eyes didn't meet hers, and the blonde even reached out to grab her hand, but the brunette was already gone, on her way down the driveway to greet Robin, or well, something like that..

A groan escaped Emma's lips, as she wished she could disappear, like melt into the very ground, but she couldn't. She couldn't even move, so she stood there frozen, trying to control her breathing.

The tears stung in her eyes as she watched Regina and Robin talk from a distance, and she felt happy and yet, in some way disappointed as well, since she couldn't hear what they were talking about. The blonde shook her head, scolding herself. Why did she almost feel, … jealous? 

Regina wouldn't even want to breathe the same air as her if she found out what had happened between her and Lily the other night.

_ I should just leave, that would probably be for the best, wouldn't it?  _ Emma thought to herself when the front door suddenly swung open and Kathryn held out her hand for the younger woman to take. Emma tugged on her lower lip, feeling torn, but finally decided to follow her inside.

“So, what made you come to your senses, hm?“ Kathryn asked as Emma walked inside the house with her, gently closing the door behind them.

The younger blonde just shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

“Hey, what's wrong?” Kathryn asked. “I know Robin is outside but he's the last man you have to worry about, dear.”

Emma finally met the older blonde’s eyes again, even if she didn't really want to. She was on the precipice of breaking apart, and Emma's mind told her to run, to run back to her messy room, and to close the door to everything that was  _ reality.  _ She missed her old guitar and as it was now, she even missed the loneliness that she'd come to hate.

Emma sighed. Her whole world felt like it was turned upside down, as she spoke up.

“I'm not worried for a second about Robin..”

“Then what is it that's bothering you?“ Kathryn asked, her voice laced with concern.

“I think I really fucked up the other night…”

Emma's voice was trembling, as she felt how Kathryn's eyes were closely studying her, most likely judging her at the same time. But it didn't matter, because what Emma had done, well, it was terrible, to say the least.

_ Unforgivable. _

“Well, I'll make us some tea and then we can speak about it, okay?“

Emma shrugged.

“I don't know you well Emma, but I know that whatever happened last night, it is something you need to talk about before it eats you up from the inside. And I promise you I won't get angry with you either “

Emma rolled her eyes, because she absolutely hated when people used that expression..  _ I promise I won't get angry with you…   _ Words like  _ that _ were so overused, that they had lost all meaning to her.

“Oh, I doubt that,” Emma scoffed, collapsing on the couch, trying to get some space and thankfully, Kathryn understood the wink, and so she went out to the kitchen and started to tidy up, still able to continue the conversation. 

“I see,” Kathryn said, worrying her lower lip, “but hey, why don't you try me?“ Kathryn replied, and Emma could already hear the anger start to boil underneath the surface, so she took a deep breath, before speaking up again.

“I kinda, sort of, hooked up with my ex yesterday.”

As the words left Emma's tongue, she thought she would have felt some kind of relief, but she didn't. On the contrary, everything just felt even worse.

Suddenly she heard a loud bang, and the sound made her jump up from the couch and run out into the kitchen, where she found Kathryn, who had dropped both plates and glasses, that laid shattered all over the floor.

Kathryn didn't so much as meet her eyes though, and Emma felt once again that she shouldn't be here. It was a painful realization, but it was what it was…

“I'll just grab my things and head home. This isn't gonna be any easier and I'm just fucking things up by even being here.”

“You're leaving?“

Emma gulped, when she noticed the question didn't come from Kathryn, but from Henry.

She turned around and the small boy was looking confused, but mostly sad, almost devastated.

Emma felt her heart sink, because she had, for some reason, forgotten about Henry in this damn chaos. She knew Regina would never have introduced Henry to her in the first place if she didn't want Emma around for the long run, but what was she gonna do about this damn mess?

Regina had, at least it seemed, taken the big step by filing for a divorce, so she really wanted this. She seemed to want Emma, but would Regina still want her if she knew about what had happened the other night with Lily?

The doubt started to set in as the thoughts began to twirl in her mind.

And would Regina even want to look into her eyes, if the brunette actually knew about Emma's words to Lily, about Emma maybe wanting her back? Even if that would never even happen, it had still been talked about out loud, and Emma felt her stomach churn.

How in the hell had she suddenly become  _ the bad guy? _ And what the hell had she been thinking about while hooking up with her ex again in the first place?

*****

“Look at me, dear,” Robin said, as he gently took Regina's hands in his. “Regina, please.”

The brunette hesitated, but finally did as he asked. His eyes were so gentle, so kind, and so warm. How could he even show her this kindness in a situation like this, to begin with? It made her feel so confused, since he had every right in the world to be angry with her.

“I feel so guilty about this…“ she said, almost whispered. The tears started to spill down her cheeks, and she almost wished she could take her words back, and in some way, erase this whole  _ thing _ with Emma.

It wasn't like she didn't love the blonde, because she did, she  **_really_ ** did. But she felt so selfish by having these feelings. It was like she was throwing away the life Robin had given her.

“Regina, it was what it was, yes?“

She just nodded, too tired for an actual reply.

“And we will still be in each other's lives, regardless of this, yes?”

Once again she nodded.

“So the only thing that's gonna change really, is that we aren't going to live together, so dear, please don't worry.”

It was like something in Regina just snapped then, making her take an enormous step backwards, pulling away from his touch.

“Robin, how can you be this calm?! I… I know I wouldn't be if the situation were reversed,” she hissed.

“Like I said yesterday, what would it change? If I got angry with you? It not like I can refuse and force you to stay with me.”

“Of course not, but we have lived together for eleven years now Robin, and this feels like you don't really care!“

“Of course I care Regina. How,...why would you even ask such a question?!“ Robin snapped, and  **now** his eyes were dark, and Regina almost shrunk, because the look in his eyes was dangerous.

She didn't even know why she had to push him in the first place, but she wanted some kind of reaction, other than his kindness. Now though, when she finally had gotten what she asked for, she didn't know how to react.

“Is this what you wanted Regina? For us to fight? Because this isn't going to solve anything, now will it?“

The anger washed off him as fast as it had come, and Regina felt how she began to shake like a leaf, so he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her back.

“Let's go inside and talk with Emma, and resolve this situation, shall we?“

*****

Emma couldn't find the words, not any at all, as she stood in the middle of the room, when she suddenly heard the front door open.

Henry walked up to stand by her and for some reason, he took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Their eyes met and Emma smiled at the young boy, who seemed happy that she hadn't upped and actually left like she'd said she was going to minutes ago. 

Kathryn quickly cleaned the kitchen and when Robin and Regina joined them, she decided to head upstairs to give them the space they needed. She tried to get Henry to go with her, but the boy refused to leave Emma's side, so she decided to let him be.

“Hello Emma, Henry,” Robin said, with a crooked smile and the blonde felt the tension in the room, which made it hard to breathe. She felt torn and didn't even look in Regina's eyes and focused her eyes on her feet instead.

“Emma, “ Robin said, trying to get her to look at him, but failed. “Emma, I'm not angry with you, or Regina. It is what it is and we can only handle this situation as adults.”

“Well, I'm doubting that this is actually a good idea,” the blonde managed to say, before her voice broke. Regina quirked an eyebrow, then took a step forward to stand in front of Emma.

“Emma, what are you talking about?“ she asked, as she cupped the blonde’s chin in her hands, gently making green eyes meet her brown ones.

“I don't know if I want you to leave Robin..”

“What?“

“I don't deserve you, Regina,” Emma stuttered. “I'm an asshole, just like my ex and well, speaking of my ex… I ran into her the other night and actually ended up staying at her place..“

Regina felt her jaw almost drop to the floor, and then she pulled back, not sure how to react to the information she'd just been given.

“Please don't leave, Emma,” Henry suddenly said, and Regina glanced down at her son, and realized he was holding Emma's hand, and he held onto it for dear life.

“Did you sleep with her?“ Regina said with a hiss as she met Emma's eyes again. The blonde sighed, then shrugged. “Don't avoid my question, Emma. Just answer me, did you sleep with her?!“

“Don't take that tone with me because you're one to talk! You’ve been cheating on your damn husband for months!“ Emma growled, and she didn't actually mean for those words to be said out loud, or in that tone. Surprisingly though, Henry still held Emma's hand as tight as before.

“I kissed her okay?! I even made out with her, okay?!. There.. Are you happy?!“

“How could you?“ Regina snapped.

“Because you told me to fuck off so that was what I did. I disappeared! And I'm happy I met her because otherwise I would have slept on the damn streets for as far as I know!“

“Both of you, take a deep breath,” Robin piped in, as he took a step to stand between the two women, before he looked at his son. “Henry, will you please go to your room? We need to speak alone, we three adults.”

The boy nodded, even if he reluctantly let go of Emma's hand, then left the room. When they heard his steps on the stairs, Robin looked at his wife, then Emma.

“You acted out of fear yesterday Emma, as did you Regina and I know you both love each other. Arguments like this, or at least similar ones, are bound to happen. So please, take a moment to think about your words, the both of you.”

Even if Robin's words were said carefully, they were still said with a stern tone. Emma let out a sigh, before she sat down on the chair behind her, since she was too drained of energy to actually stand. Her whole head was spinning in some way and she almost felt like she had a migraine approaching.

“Regina, look,” the blonde finally managed to say, then stopped to take a deep breath, before she continued.

“I love you, okay? And I know this is the first time I’ve  actually said it out loud… but despite that.. I love you and I know I made a terrible mistake by going home with Lily last night…

I fucked up, I didn't think clearly, but that doesn't excuse my behavior, at all. But in my defense or whatever I shall call it, I thought you didn't want to see me again.”

“Still, you came back?“ Regina whispered, her hands taking Emma's carefully in hers.

“Well, that's true… “ the blonde replied with a shrug. It didn't add up, she realized just now.

“So does that mean… that you want me?“

“Of course I do!“ Emma said, without any hesitation, whatsoever. The quick reply brought a smile to the brunette’s lips, a smile that was so infectious that the blonde felt a smile appear on her own face as well. It felt like she was falling in love with Regina all over again.

“So, I trust that you will take good care of my dear Regina, then?“ Robin asked, and Emma's eyes met his. She saw how close he was to crying, and it broke her heart. So the happiness she had just felt, felt almost wrong in a way, and her smile faded.

“I will do everything to make sure she's happy Robin, I promise… and please excuse me for asking this, but I just have to know or else it's gonna drive me crazy.. What is going to happen to our, well, work?“

Robin chuckled.

“When it comes to my work, nothing will change. I make sure to keep my personal life and work life apart, as I always have. So don't worry about that dear.”

Emma nodded, then turned her eyes back to Regina.

“So, do you want me, then?”

“Yes. I wanted you since the first time I saw you Emma. Yes, I want you,” Regina replied, before she pressed her lips against Emma's. The kiss caught the blonde totally by surprise, but it was exactly the answer she needed, as she deepened the kiss.

“Will we still live here?“ a voice asked from just behind the door post, and the lot of them turned around to see Henry standing there, with shimmering eyes.

“Oh, I.. I hadn't thought about that… “ Regina replied, because she hadn't. She turned to Emma, who looked as unsure as she felt.

“I don't think you'll have to worry about that kid,” Emma said with a gentle smile. “I'm sure that your parents will make sure that you will continue to live like the prince you truly are.”

Emma felt happy for the whole outcome but at the same time felt like she should leave them to it, because they had plenty to talk about as it was.

“Anyway, I need to go call Ruby and ask if she or Belle is able to pick me up, since I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow.”

It was a bit of the truth, even if it wasn't the actual reason for her to rushing back home so quickly.

“Emma, let me call my chauffeur, instead of you calling your friends,” Robin said but Emma shook her head, to kindly turn down his offer. She was already a burden, as it was.

“No, that's not necessary, but thank you. I'll manage,” Emma said, then pressed a kiss to Regina's cheek, before leaving the room.

*****

“So, how did it go, huh?“ Kathryn asked almost as soon as Emma had walked into Regina's and Robin's bedroom to collect her stuff before calling Ruby.

“I guess it went well,” Emma shrugged.

“Well, since I saw Henry's grin, I would like to think it turned out well.”

“Yeah, I think it did. Even after I told Regina about my ex and that whole thing the other night, so yeah,” Emma said, a small smile spreading on her lips even if reality was, in a way catching up with her now. “Anyway, I need to call Ruby.”

“I'm happy for you two, I really am. And I'm looking forward to getting to know you more and your friends as well,” the older blonde said, before she left the room and closed the door behind her. Emma collapsed on the bed, as she dialed her best friends number.

“Hey ems, what's up?“ Ruby said as she picked up.

“I was wondering if you or Belle had the time to come and pick me up, maybe?”

“Sure thing, but are you okay? You sound a bit, I don't know,...drained?“

Emma couldn't help but shake her head. Ruby really did know her well. Maybe too well as she saw it. She didn't want to talk about what had happened, even if she knew both Ruby and Belle were most likely dying to hear every detail, down to the very last drop. At the same time, she needed to talk about it. Even if she was too tired to actually do it now.

“Ems, hey, you still there?“

“I'm here… but look, I just wanna come home, so please, can you just pick me up and I'll explain everything when we get home?“

“I'm on my way Ems. Just hold tight.”

“Thanks rubes” Emma smiled, then hung up. She felt how tired she actually was, so she decided to close her eyes and sleep quickly came to her.

******

“I haven't even thought about the living situation… “ Regina admitted. “I am such a terrible mother… My son has even thought about it, before I have.. “

“Dear Regina, don't scold yourself. Take it easy, it will be okay, I promise” Robin said with a reassuring smile “And I will make sure will be able to live a good life you, Henry and Emma, and money will be the least of your problems.”

Regina swallowed hard, refusing to break down in tears again. She felt so terrible, and she didn't want Robin to still feel obligated to take care of her and spend his own, hard earned money on her. He had done that for so many years already..

“You don't have to support me Robin, that's not your responsibility anymore” Regina mumbled.

“You are maybe not my wife anymore, dear, but you are my best friend and the mother of my son, so of course I will continue to take care of you, as much as possible can.”

“But still… “

“This isn't nothing to argue about and I will not back down when it comes to this” Robin said with a chuckle.

“and besides that, Emma maybe has a job, but she doesn't have a good income to take care of you and Henry, and besides that, you aren't able to work Regina. I know it's hard to hear, but that is the truth”

“I just doesn't want to be some kind of parasite”

“You are nothing but a wonderful woman Regina so stop talking about yourself in such a way” Robin said with a gentle smile. Regina just shrugged, then excused herself and went upstairs to her bedroom and smiled at the sight of Emma sleeping there.

But seconds later the nagging anxiety came what felt like from nowhere. Regina thought about lily, and what Emma had told her. Even if she knew it was nothing but a mistake, it still stung.

And even if Regina would maybe never admit it out loud, she was actually truly terrified Emma would go behind her back again, because it had already happened once, which meant it could easily happen again.

But before the anxiety had any chance of rising even more, she snuggled close to Emma and quickly relaxed when she felt how the blonde wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close.

_ Maybe this is going to work out in the end after all  _ the brunette thought to herself, before she fell into a deep slumber.

*****

Kathryn went downstairs where she found Robin in his office. He looked like he was lost in his own world, she she gently knocked on the door, and he looked up from his desk to meet her eyes.

“Oh Kathryn, hello” He said, then took of his glasses.

“I hope I'm not disturbing you or anything”

“Oh absolutely not, so please come in” Robin replied and pointed to his chair. Kathryn nodded and sat down in front of him.

“I just wanted to check up on you, considering what have happened between Regina and well, Emma”

“I haven't really been able to think about that, to be honest with you” he replied, and even if he sounded all collected and everything, Kathryn knew he was everything but that.

She noticed the sad look in his eyes, and she felt so bad for him. Robin had become like family to her over the years, so she reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Everything will turn out good in the end Robin, trust me”

“is Emma really a good woman? I mean.. I know she's a good person but still.. Regina is not someone that's easy to live with.. “ he said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair.

Kathryn nodded.

“Emma is fantastic for her. I haven't seen her this so happy, like, for years”

As soon as the words were said, Kathryn felt bad for them. Robin didn't take it badly, to her big relief. He understood what she meant. 

“I will always worry for her though, always” Robin admitted.

“I know Robin, but I promise you, you won't have to worry about her, because Emma will take good care of her”

“I really hope you're right, dear, I really hope you are”

Suddenly Kathryn felt unsure. Was Emma actually capable of dealing with Regina's mood swings?

Or would their relationship end before it had the chance to really begin? 

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys. I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the positive response on this story and now I'm working on a fic for the Sq super Nova. Hope you'll stick around even if the chapters take forever (or at least it feels like it)
> 
> And yeah one last thing, this fic is gonna end happy but it's a long way for our both women to go before that!
> 
> Rock on!

Emma gave Belle a quick hug as they got home, before she withdrew upstairs to her bedroom. Ruby wasn't pleased about that, since she was bursting with questions, but even if her brain told her to follow Emma, she didn't. Only because Ruby felt Belle’s eyes watching her every step.

“Good girl,” Belle said with a small smile, then gave Ruby a quick kiss on her lips. “I know you're curious baby, believe me, I'm curious too, but for now, we need to give them space. It's still a fragile and tricky situation for them both to be in, and the last thing Emma needs is us poking around in their business.“

Ruby listened to every word, but she didn't really understand what Belle meant. This was one of those times it seemed, when it felt like Belle spoke a totally different language than herself.

“I just want to make sure that we're talking about Regina and Emma right now, Belle. Okay?“ Ruby said, as she opened the refrigerator to grab a beer. “Because as far as I understand it, Emma and Regina are a couple now, like, a real one. And Regina has finally filed for a divorce from Robin. That's it, isn't it? Or have I missed some huge plot twist where I've misunderstood the whole point of a divorce!?“

“Well baby, you… well, you have understood it, in one way at least.”

“For fuck sake, speak english, will you?!“ Ruby groaned, and Belle walked up to stand in front of her, putting her hands on Ruby’s shoulders in a way to try to calm her down.

“Baby listen… yes Regina has talked to her husband about a divorce, yes. But filing for one, it's nothing you get fixed in a minute. It's a process that takes some time, so that's why the situation is well, a bit, sensitive.”

“Oh,” Ruby said, seeming to understand now that her girlfriend explained things more thoroughly.

“Oh indeed,” Belle said with a crooked smile, as she turned to the stove to start with dinner, then added, “And then there is the whole question of where Regina is gonna live from now on, and don't forget her little boy. And then they have to divide their belongings and their money so yeah, that’s going to take some time too.“

It was like reality suddenly sunk in, and Ruby realized that this little romance, or whatever it should be called, that Emma had been having with Regina, was about to become something huge. It scared Ruby a little bit, for some odd reason. She thought about the big possibility that Emma would move out, and that wasn't something Ruby wanted. She went almost crazy when Emma was gone these couple of days.

“Talk to me Rubes, please baby.”

A big sigh escaped the redhead’s lips as she began to help Belle to chop the salad, to keep her mind from going completely crazy.

“What if Emma moves in with Regina and well, leaves us?“

“Oh, what a horrible scenario, that you have to live here with just me, your girlfriend! How terrible huh?“ Belle said over dramatically.

Any other couple would have had an enormous fight about this, but not these two. Belle knew how much Ruby loved her best friend and even if Belle wouldn't admit it out loud, she was also freaking out a bit over the possibility of Emma moving. She didn't know why, but she had come to love their special and unique living arrangements. Ruby and Emma were her little family and she loved to live with them. So without Emma, well, it wouldn't be the same.

“You know what I mean Belle,” Ruby mumbled as her eyes met Belle’s.

“I do baby, but it's Emma's life and we can't do anything other than support her, as her best friends.”

“Of course… but I mean, can't Regina and Henry move here? We have enough space, and it would give us a reason to finally renovate at least one of the rooms upstairs that we have been putting off for so so many years.“

“Ruby, you know that wouldn't be a good idea in the long run, not for any of us if you think about it. I mean maybe we have the rooms to go around but aside from that, the house isn't that big. And besides that, do you really want a small kid running around in the house, making noises while you're trying to sleep after one of you nights shifts?“

“Well, I guess...but hey! I can make a bedroom in the basement for days like that, yeah?”

Belle saw the excitement shining in Ruby's eyes, but as she shook her head, Ruby let out a big sigh, crossing her arms.

“You're no fun… “ the redhead groaned.

“Well, sorry, that's the big thing about being a grown up, and that's why I'm the head of this house baby, as the boring old lady. But I promise that even if Emma moves out, it doesn't mean she never would come over for a visit baby.“

******

Emma sunk down on her bed and looked around her room, feeling her mind go almost crazy with all her thoughts and feelings, twirling around like some kind of tornado.

Suddenly a knock caught her attention, and she knew it had to be Belle, because Ruby would never have had the decency to actually knock.

“Come in Belle.”

“Hey Ems, you okay?“ Belle asked carefully as she walked inside the room, not even asking how Emma knew it was her.

Instead she closed the door behind her to make sure Ruby wouldn't eavesdrop, but she was probably way too busy downstairs with the stew that Belle had put her in charge of, even if Belle knew that the stew would actually be okay on its own for a couple of minutes.

Ruby didn't know that of course, so it was a good thing that Ruby was a terrible chef because Belle could use it to her advantage, speaking with Emma undisturbed.

“I'm a bit.. uhm, overwhelmed with everything I guess,” Emma shrugged, tugging nervously on her lower lip.

“I'm sure it will work out just fine,” Belle said touching Emma’s hand, “but you know Ruby is probably gonna attack you with a million questions soon and I can't hold her back for much longer.”

Emma just chuckled.

“I'm a bit surprised to be honest, that she didn't follow me upstairs when we came home, in order to attack me with all those questions.”

“Oh, well, I gave her the old evil eye so she didn't dare to disobey me. But I can't use it all the time though,” Belle said, attempting to sound, maybe adult-ish?

“Got you.”

“But enough about my obnoxious girlfriend already. How are you holding up?“

“I know I should be happy about all this but I, well, I'm a bit torn actually. Who would have thought that?“ Emma admitted, as she fell backwards on the bed again. It way was painful to talk about this as it was, but the thought of looking into Belle’s eyes at the same time, would simply make it unbearable.

“And poor Ruby downstairs is upset over the thought of you moving out any time soon,” Belle said with a chuckle, but Emma didn't so much as move a muscle.

“Ruby's weird.. But she doesn't have to worry. That won't happen for a long time.. Or well, I think it won't at least.. I.. Ehm, I haven't even thought about that to be honest… “ the blonde admitted with a big sigh. “I don't even know if Regina even wants to live with me.. “

“And why wouldn't she want that? Hey, don't be stupid Emma.”

“Because I'm a lowlife and probably not a good influence on her son,” Emma mumbled when she all of a sudden felt Belle pull her up, making her meet her eyes.

“I have seen the way that boy looks at you Emma, with only admiration in his eyes, and if I remember correctly, didn't Regina introduce you to Henry quite early?“ Belle asked, trying to encourage her friend to talk more.

“Well, kinda… I just don't know if I'm mother material though…. I mean.. I don't even know how a damn stove works… “

“Ems, come on. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're just scared, and that's okay. But don't make yourself out to be some kind of villain, because you're not! I mean, you're not well, excuse me for the comparison, but you're not like Lily, now are you?“

Emma pulled back, feeling how the mere mention of Lily, made her stomach churn.

The blonde still remembered clearly how Belle had comparered her with Lily in the beginning of Regina's and Emma's relationship, and how it had been thrown in Emma's face as a way of mocking her.

That was way past them now, but then again, as Emma thought about it, she actually was like Lily. It made her stomach churn even more, since she didn't know how Belle would react at hearing what had happened between Emma and Lily the other night. Even if it was something she didn't want to talk about, she knew she had to, so Emma took a deep breathe to collect her thoughts, before she spoke up.

“Well.. I actually bumped into Lily the other night when I had this huge fight with Regina and left her house and went to this bar… and I could easily blame the huge amount of alcohol for my behavior, but I'm not gonna do that…“ Emma mumbled, carefully trying to read Belle’s body language, before she continued, “Anyway, since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I went home with Lily and we actually ended up making out, even if I for some reason seemed to want to go even further, but she stopped me… kinda crazy huh?“

Belle felt her jaw drop to the ground while her blood started to boil. She had a really hard time taking in what Emma had just told her. It felt almost like some kind of joke, even if it wasn't a funny one, at all.  _ What the hell? _

“Does Regina know about this?“ Belle managed to ask, not sure what else she should say. Emma nodded carefully.

“Yeah, she knows. And she wasn't happy about it but I think she understood me, or something. I don't know. It's a fucked up situation and I really wish it wouldn't have happened to be honest but I can't change it now, now can I?“

It was then something just snapped inside of Belle, and Emma didn't have a chance to prepare herself for the anger that would rain down on her.

“So you chose to go with Lily instead of calling me or Ruby?!“

Emma nodded once again.

“And what in the hell made you think it was a good idea to follow your fucking ex home?! Have you lost your damn mind or what?!“ Belle growled. “And are you telling me that you would have fucked Lily if she'd let you!? What on earth is wrong with you?“

“I don't fucking know okay?!“

Emma was close to tears now, and she didn't have the energy for this, not at all, but thankfully the anger quickly washed off Belle, because she didn't want to make the already difficult situation even worse. So she chose to be to bigger person, and swallowed hard, dragging her fingers through her hair.

“Emma, look, I'm sorry okay? I know it was hard for you to tell me this so I shouldn't behave like an complete idiot like I just did.. but.. please,  _ please _ just tell me it was a simple mistake and nothing you will ever do again?“

Scared eyes met conflicted ones.

“It's okay… and to answer your question, no I will never do something like that ever again! I fucked up, enormously, and I think Robin was right when he said I acted out of fear.. Or something like that.”

“He's quite an awesome man that Robin, isn't he?“ Belle said with a chuckle as she pulled Emma into a hug, then placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Baby! Hey! I need you downstairs!” a voice suddenly called out and both Belle and Emma broke out in laughter. They chose to not speak about their augment any further, which Emma was incredibly thankful for.

“So, let's dry those eyes and head downstairs and help Ruby with the food before she does something stupid. What do you say?“

“Sure, I can smell what you're cooking and I don't want to have to kill Ruby for messing it up,” Emma replied, chuckling, as the two stood to their feet and headed for the stairs.

Emma still felt confused and scared at this whole situation but she knew everything would turn out okay in the end, because she had her friends’ support. And that was everything she needed.

And some of Belle’s good food of course, because she was starving at this point. She hadn't eaten for the whole day.

********

After dinner the three friends ended up sitting out on the front porch. It was a warm autumn evening so they could enjoy the fresh air. Emma was more quiet than usual, as she just sat in her chair, looking out into the woods while smoking. Ruby glanced over at Belle, before she turned her attention to Emma.

“Hey, you're awfully quiet, is everything OK?“

Emma turned to meet Ruby's kind eyes and simply shrugged.

“Let's just say I got a shit load on my mind.”

“You know we're here if you need us Ems,” Ruby said as she put her hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“I know, I just.. I can't really make out this chaos into words so I just.. I don't know what to actually say.”

“I understand that but I mean, somewhere in all this chaos going on inside that head of yours, there has to be some kind of happiness? I mean, you finally can call Regina yours.”

Emma shrugged again, because of course was she happy, but the happiness was overshadowed by all the fear and confusion. She had no idea what she was actually getting herself involved with, or at least that’s how it felt.

She thought about Regina, about Henry, about their relationship, about their life to be, about how it would all turn out, but the thing that scared her the most, and probably also what twirled around in her mind the most, was this whole thing with the money.

Emma knew Regina couldn't work due to her mental illness so technically, it meant Emma had to support both her and her son. Robin would probably chip in as well, but she also knew Regina would be too proud to accept his help. She knew Ruby wanted to ask even more questions, questions Emma didn't have any answers to so she chose to run from it for now. She just wanted to be alone.

“I gotta sleep. Thanks for the ride Ruby, and Belle, the good food as usual,” Emma quickly said as she made her way inside before anything more was said.

Ruby turned around and gave Belle a concerned look.

“I'm worried,” the redhead admitted with a sigh, as Belle took on of her hands in hers, then kissed Ruby's knuckles.

“Me too baby, but like I said before, we have to give them the space they need. We can't do anything else, okay?“ Belle’s tone about it this time was stern and pointed. She knew Ruby cared deeply for Emma and would do anything in her power to make this thing work, but she also knew that Ruby sometimes did a little well,  _ too _ much.

“I won't interfere, baby, I promise. But I'm not just gonna stand by and watch Emma fall to pieces either.”

Ruby's tone was sharp, but Belle knew what she meant. She could read both Emma and Ruby like open books, and as the head of this household, she also made sure to take care of everyone. But this was a different situation and difficult to compare with anything else. The whole thing with Lily had been hard but something told her this situation with Regina, well, it would be even harder.

And it made Belle worried. 

Would this actually work out or was this relationship of Emma and Regina’s, only doomed to fail?

  
  
  



End file.
